I did something criminal a month ago that scared the life out of me. I have not drank alcohol since this event. After the incident, I was in a hotel room for two weeks, strongly considering suicide. I came very close to it several times.
My whole drinking life flashed before my eyes and I was so ashamed. I wanted to die because I felt I was worthless. Still do. My question is, how can I start forgive myself for 18 years of being a fraud? A liar. I knew I had a problem ten years ago, but never really accepted until this event that I can never drink in moderation. Never. I am terrified of alcohol at this point because of this event. The problem is, I am 43 years old, never really had any significant sober time under my belt, and now have done something that will effectively end my life.
I don't see a way out of this other than giving up. I didn't kill anyone or hurt a person or steal from anyone or anything like that, but if and when I am charged, my life will essentially be over.
I am ashamed for not accepting I was an alcoholic ten years ago and all that has happened because of not doing that.
My dear DS,I do not need 3,666 notifications from DS. What is going on that y'all cannot delete? I have over 16,000 anxiety members. Has anyone here thought about how long that would take to delete????
I was sexually abused for several years as a small child and then when I was 19 I was raped and beaten by my (at the time) best friends husband. I have cervical scaring from the trauma that was done. I have very sharp and acute pains that come out of no where and are not surrounding my period at all. I have always thought that it was caused my the cervical scaring, which yes to a certain extent...