jim527
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- A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, 'can I help you sir?''Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man replies. The cop asks, 'where was your car the...
- 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your leftarm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into...
- The International Council of Man Laws. 1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts...
- Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollablyAnd never regret anything that made you smile. I do it all the time Jim xx
- Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took...
- Have you ever spoken and wished that you couldimmediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole?Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....FIRST TESTIMONY:I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in...
- A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks abottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes aGenie.The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I willgrant you one wish, anything you want."The Russian...
- A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time -- just him and his...
- Appalled By peoples disbelief toward me and my ignorance toward my MS,Im sure that I suffered as a child with some of the symptoms MS forced or forces on the human body, for example, Fatigue, Headaches, Muscle pain and stiffness but because of my...
- An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work as the ground was hard.His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and...
- Does anyone notice how I often hit more than one or the wrong Key when I'm typing.Just rushing or being greedy...lolJim xx
- I'm guessing its hard fa some to do,But If I ignore my physical body it allows me to worth through the many issues my MS causes.I find making fun out of a bad issue makes it easier to live with and people have fun and a giggle weith me along with...
- 'The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.'- George W. Bush'If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.'- George W. Bush'One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, andthat one word is 'to be...
- For everyone who believes that I only send Dirty E-mails ............... I STILL AM If You Aint Laughin, You Aint Livin,, Trust me on that.... Jim xx
- John received a parrot as an early Christmas gift.The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by...