gro100
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- Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three...
- Just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 73. I'm so happy, because I live at number 71. So it's not too far to walk home afterwards. And it's the same side of the street. I don't even have to cross the road!
- “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
- Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, “this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the...
- A young man walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.He marched up to the counter and said, “Hi. You know, I just HATEDrawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job. I don’t like takingAdvantage of the system, getting something...
- 1. If it itches - you can scratch it - even in public 2. No one notices or cares if you have hair growing in some weird places as you get older 3. Personal Hygiene ain't too bad - its not like you have to bathe everyday & somebody else combs your...
- With this condition I can't do what I used to be able to do, but it opens up new possibilities for me.1. I used to race motorcycles in the California desert. and the Baja peninsula, but now I can reek havoc with the electric carts at Walmart.2. I...
- A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in...
- Blonde Logic January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..."duh"...bottles won't fit in typewriter! March - Got excited...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...box...
- Two grandmas Marie & Edith were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The Edith in the passenger seat...
- An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping. " To the Scotsman, he says, "You're in charge of shoveling. " And to...
- Two blondes are on a train, sitting in a cabin next to an older gentleman who happens to have a long beard.One of the blond girls whispers to the other 'Wow, look, it's Charles Darwin!!''Are you stupid, he's been dead for over 200 years!' the other...
- A pony went to the doctor and said "I have a sore throat." The doctor said "It's okay your just a little horse."
- We went to see a movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the center of the row got up and started working her way out. “Excuse me,...
- A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!” “How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her. “I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!” Puzzled by her...