Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I have been trying to work on this,
not sure how to really so if any one can offer me any pointers…please jump in!
My latest seizure feeling is a stupid table.
I know its irrational but it was given to him by an ex and he has displayed strong feelings about keeping it, he only recently confessed where his emotional attachment comes from.
I think this confuses me….because this is the woman who worked for him as his manager, was his wife's best friend and who he had an 8 year affair with while married to his wife. ( the best friend) they used to go out in a foursome and the whole thought of all that bare faced deceit just makes me so sick. I have a very violent reaction to what they did. Then I found out he had left her money in his last will. When I ask him about this relationship he says there was no emotional attachment it was just physical. Now this just doesn't add up for me and is where the confusion comes in for me, it feels like he is lying to me or Im missing something?!!!
But my reaction to him wanting to keep this table ( its only a bloody table!!!) is really upsetting. It was on its way to the charity shop and now I find he has put it in his new office!!!
I feel sick.
I know I am being irrational.
and i hate that too.
Lots of things about myself upset me right now.
My husband tells me in one breath I am a horrible person, then he loves me, then when I tell him I feel really down on myself he says that reflects badly on him….
Im so confused.
not sure how to really so if any one can offer me any pointers…please jump in!
My latest seizure feeling is a stupid table.
I know its irrational but it was given to him by an ex and he has displayed strong feelings about keeping it, he only recently confessed where his emotional attachment comes from.
I think this confuses me….because this is the woman who worked for him as his manager, was his wife's best friend and who he had an 8 year affair with while married to his wife. ( the best friend) they used to go out in a foursome and the whole thought of all that bare faced deceit just makes me so sick. I have a very violent reaction to what they did. Then I found out he had left her money in his last will. When I ask him about this relationship he says there was no emotional attachment it was just physical. Now this just doesn't add up for me and is where the confusion comes in for me, it feels like he is lying to me or Im missing something?!!!
But my reaction to him wanting to keep this table ( its only a bloody table!!!) is really upsetting. It was on its way to the charity shop and now I find he has put it in his new office!!!
I feel sick.
I know I am being irrational.
and i hate that too.
Lots of things about myself upset me right now.
My husband tells me in one breath I am a horrible person, then he loves me, then when I tell him I feel really down on myself he says that reflects badly on him….
Im so confused.
i feel like depression is real suffering. suicidality is real suffering and in my mind it becomes needless if there is help out there.
i started taking something called deplin in the US. it's not actually medication. it is prescribed b/c ithe dose is higher and its methylated which makes it possible to be absorbed by the brain. it's folic acid which is a vitamin. methylated folic acid balances out dopamine, serotonin and epinephrine. i haven't felt this good in a long long time. ZERO side effects. i'm pretty sure they have used this in europe for a long time but it might be called something else....
here is't new so ins companies are trying to not pay for it but i found a pharmacy where i can get it out of pocket for 60$ a month....which is easily what i've spent on other antidepressants in the past...
but again it's a really personal choice. the worst thing you can do is to start it and then get talked out of it or shamed out of taking it and then stop it. if you do decide to take it i encourage you to give it a really fair shot and if it helps don't stop. it's not permanent but it could take years...starting an stopping decreases the effectiveness. the first time i took prozac was a low dose and i felt amazing!!! then i got a lot of heat why do you need to take that?? that's not good for you!! etc so i stopped.
glad you have a therapist appt. hope you will be referred for therapy!!! that would be an awesome addition to your support system!!
I also go a referral for a free counselling therapy centre they offer two years free which is great but if it isn't an option for me ( I haven't looked into it yet!) then my Doc will refer me to therapy but in the UK this can take a year - its bonkers as this surely must be cheaper than some drugs but thats the system here.
Starting my healthy eating programme today too…did a weigh in - jeeez but its just a number - Ive put on 2 stone in 2 years…mainly due to all the weekends away and drinking and not exercising. SO I plan on trying to do short walks too. ( I have hip bursitis from my competitive speed walking in the past!)
so todays a new day!
with the folic acid - we get that here to take during pregnancy - is it just the regular tablets or something special?!
it's something special. we all take folic acid for pregnancy too. this med is in higher dose and formatted to be absorbed by the brain. regular folic acid cannot be absorbed in the brain....just FYI. i'm loving this stuff...no side effects. it's all natural....it is not an anti depressant. not trying to push meds but to share my experience b/c i have sooooo much experience with depression and taking anti depressants. once i was taking so many that i ended up in the hospital with serotonin syndrome that can be very serious. it was so so so painful. it was awful.
okay are you proud of yourself??? you are taking steps to take care of yourself!! you have completely turned around the cheating fear....and i see why. it's like at some point you realize you can't control it anyway so you just go on and live your life....if he does it will be devastating and it will hurt. but all the fear and control and jealousy ahead of time doesn't stop that anyway..if he does cheat sunny it wouldn't be b/c of you it would be b/c o0f his values and morals and b/c he's a cheater.....it would show his character not yours.
Not sure about it but maybe hoping it will get me off my arse to make some more changes, I feel so paralysed.
I might feel, ' if he does, he does' today but it never lasts….although every time I feel like that it may stick a bit!
I have less energy to feel like that.