You continue to express your emotions/feelings/thoughts on here and find someone else to talk to such as a counsellor /therapist , support group . Anyone who will allow you to talk about it and allow for you to come to terms with what has happened. You take it a second at a time if that's all you can take. You go for walks /exercise and make sure to nourish your body while waiting for your soul to grieve. I can't talk for everyone here but I'm pretty sure that all of us who came to this support forum have felt the pain that you are talking about so we can relate, listen and empathize. the way that the people in our day to day life cannot because they have not been in your shoes. You continue to reach out and fight for yourself , that's the best way to honour him...

Oh, sweetie. You're grieving. Which sometime equates to dying, or wanting to, in my book. I truly understand what you're writing. Know this - you and I have no control over what has happened. Please know this. It will take time, and thinking those thoughts over and over while you try to make sense out of what has happened. Take it a minute at a time, and I mean this. Just right now. Hold on. Pray. Talk to him. Talk/yell to G-d. Whatever it takes. Marsha

My dearest Munmun,

I am so sorry you're in such pain...today was 7 weeks since my Matthew died and I feel just as you do. I'm just lost - the pain is overwhelming. I'm not in denial that he is gone, but still in complete disbelief. How can somebody who was so alive suddenly be gone in the blink of an eye. I just don't understand it..

Munmun, My name is Gail, I'm at 16 months now, since my husband, Dennis passed away in his sleep..I and many others can totally relate to your pain..It's regret, I think that really is the worst kind of pain. Yeah, guilt is bad, and sadness is bad, but regret is the sickly combination of both..But believe me it does get better. Just take it minute by minute and moment by moment..There are no shorts cuts through grief..you have to go straight through it...Take care of you..Most important is to stay hydrated, and eat when you can..Talk to family and friends and let them know how you're feeling..Don't feel bad about taking something to help you through your grief. It me four months to get help, I sorry I waited so long..to much pride and trying to be strong..I know longer take anything.
I found the best thing for me, was routine, getting up every morning making my bed and getting dressed..having my coffee and walking even if it's just for few minutes..I talk to my husband all the time, and thank him for sharing his life with me and our three daughters and eight grandchildren.
Come here often there are some wonderful people on here, who are on the same "life" journey as you, and willing too share.
"Don't cry because it's over...smile because it happened...peace and prayers..Gail..

Thanks all ! I am not able to sleep at all that's the biggest one . I took two sessions of therapy but doesn't seem to be helping me . Family and friends have resumed their lives but they are here to support me . I talk blabber all in complete disbelief . I wish he had given me a kid atleast and left . I have no purpose to live and no strength to rebuild my life . I just think killing myself is the best option. Can't take this pain anymore .n it might stay forever :(

What I have discovered in my 7 months since my second husband has died is i have to remember how blessed i was not once but twice. Everything in life takes time but i believe we are here to learn something more..thats how i see it and that my trying to rediscover who i am with him is taking me around circles..but i need to keep doing something and for me it is going outside and looking at nature it helps me tremendously. Please know we are all here ) Hugs and Prayers to you

It is the most hurtful place to be, losing the person you loved and spent you life with who you depended on and they depended on you too. I feel your pain. I too had the same problems. When my husband was sick with cancer which was twice, I couldn't sleep for fear of his condition and there were midnight rushes to the emergency room several times. It is going to be 2 years in a week that I lost my husband and you know, I miss him more since he's been gone what feels like so long. So you are in that really sad, dreaded and lost place right now. I wish it would get easy fast but we are all different. I hope you can find some peace. Talk to your spouse. Let him know how you feel. Tell him to be by your side and help you along. The pain runs deep and its normal to feel lost like you just can't take it. Tears can be many that you wonder how can you cry so many tears. Feel some comfort in knowing your spouse loved you too.
Talk to you doctor if you cannot get through the day due to anxiety or panic attacks. Don't let it get to a point where you feel hopeless.
Take care.
Letty

My husband passed away in Nov. 2015 of a heart attack while laying in bed with me. We were making love.  He died on top of me.
I went through the shock and other symptoms of grief and did go to grief counseling which did help to a degree, but not completely.<br>
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I created an online blog.&nbsp; Please look at my blog and how I am handling this thing called grief. The journal and my youtube channel online blog has helped me start to express some of my thoughts and feelings that I can&apos;t talk about with anyone else. The blog whether it is video or Tumblr is filled with thoughts and quotes that are very comforting. Some are sad,sometimes I cry while blogging but very fitting for me at this time. I pick up my phone and my thoughts and memories are pour into it whenever I need to. I keep it with me at all times, if possible. I would recommend this to anyone that has experienced a loss and needs an outlet.&nbsp; Please feel free to look at my videos, read my blog or ask questions.&nbsp; I will try and respond asap.<br>
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Come see my blog,<br>
https://youtu.be/dwSH4qQnsiA<br>
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http://widowstartingover.tumblr.com/post/151591496858/missing-him<br>
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http://widowstartingover.tumblr.com/post/150084501433/visiting-my-husband-grave<br>
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https://youtu.be/-nreqEWNXDM<br>
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https://youtu.be/Za3_oc_hBAE

Just hang in there and Pain will be there. It will reduce by time. Pray to your loved one to help you and trust he will surely guide you right way. I keep praying to my wife. She provides me with answers i require the most to carry on with my life. Also if you are feeling guilty please keep repeating these prayers - I am sorry, please forgive me, i love you, thank you. You keep repeating the same maybe even for one hour and it should help you. People whom we live will stay with us in non physical and in our hearts. Soul never dies - it just transforms. The place where they rest now is their and ours real home. At the end of our physical life we shall be together again. It looks like eternity now and this shall too pass. So just hang in there. Prayers.

Thanks Prashant ! I will try those . Widow11216 - thanks for the blogs . Do you guys really feel we will go meet them ? So if I kill myself I can go meet him ? I loved him way too much and too young to deal with it . I can't think of life without him .

Thats the part ..I believe we are all here for a reason. Time really does heal all wounds. Start to be grateful see your blessings....it has truly helped me i believe grow spiritually ,and I think if we kill ourselves we are taking a chance of never seeing them again,its how i feel. Be Strong and know we are all connected in love :)

Munmun you are not alone going through this. A lot of people out here are going through extreme pain including me. Spouses with children have lost their parents at very young age. We have to learn to integrate this loss in bits by bits. Taking your life is not an option. Rather see how you can transform this loss into something bigger for yourself and your love. Find ways to honor him and his love. Its hard while you grieve and then you can see things in different perspective. Just hang in there even if its very painful. Pain transforms our beliefs like nothing else into positives or negatives depending upon our perspective.

i am struggling too, almost on my third week of losing my husband, my soulmate. I found a really good book, entitled " When your soulmate dies" by Alan Wolfelt, a guide to healing through heroic mourning, i also find that journaling to him helps too. The pain is unbearable but i am coming to realize that one day it will get better, it is still min to min and find myself crying out of nowhere. Please be gentle with yourself, and if need be call somone to help you out of the darkness . National suicide prevention hotline 1-800-273-8255.

Prashant - I so wish he had left me with a kid but no :( I have no purpose to live now ,.Not sure if you know , he left me suddenly during our honeymoon . We lived together before that for almost an year though . So it was a sad ending before the start , that's what kills me . Thanks Rachael , I somehow can't picture that it will be better one day :(

Munmun - i totally understand and wish you strength and peace in this uncertain times. May you find a higher purpose to live and be fully able to express yourself in that purpose.