Pam.. Im so sorry for the loss of your hubby. I lost mine to a massive heart attack right in front of the house. I tried to revive him, the EMT's and the hospital did also, but he was gone. My bob was a musician and i found one of his CD's in his music case I didnt know he had. I listen to this over and over again.. the only way to still hear his voice. I understand what you are going thru. Its very painful. I seem to dwell too much and get myself deeper in depression. Try to keep busy, as im doing the same. I know one thing is that Im glad Bob was brought into my life. Please take care of yourself..
sandi

Sandi & Patty, Thank you for sharing your stories .. how very devastating. I do try and stay busy and surround myself with friends and family as often as I can. I learned that I had to call for help when I needed it. I called a friend last night and she was here within 20 minutes. My days are harder as Rob worked nights and I can allude myself into believing he is at work. On note with what Sandi said about hearing his voice .. I play my saved voice mail messages Rob left me quite often. Some days I just can't bear to hear them, but whenI do, it offers me some comfort.
Again, many thanks and my prayers are with you also.

Pam

Pam, my husband worked nights too and I did the same thing. I was used to being alone at night, but I would unconsciously wait for him to come home the next day for a long time. It's wonderful you have a good friend you can rely on. Take care.

Thank you for sharing that .. I almost feel guilty at night because they are easier (he left for work at 6:30pm). I wait until I can no longer keep my eyes open and head to bed dreading the morning. Rob always called me at 6:30am to say good morning and when my alarm goes off I'm still waiting for that call. It's nice to hear and know that I'm not alone.

Pam

Pam,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 12/11/09. I have been through Christmas, my birthday, his birthday and just last week our anniversary (8 years) without him. Each one was hard in its own way. I am sorry you have had to find yourself on this site, but I can promise you that there are so many of us here who know what you are going through. I have found lots of support here and I hope that you will too. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Hugs,
Susan

Thank you Susan. I don't look forward to the special days ahead .. his birthday is May 28, my son graduates high school June 2, a family camping trip June 4-6, Fathers Day, my oldest has surgery in June, our anniversary July 11, and my son & I share a birthday on August 6. I continue to pray for strength.

Keeping you in my prayers also,
Pam

Pam, I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband a year and a half ago to brain cancer and I found this site seven months later. It's been a great help to me, I don't think I'd be where I am today if I hadn't. There are wonderful people here who really understand what we are going through. Hugs, Sil

I am sorry for your loss. I understand it - as so many here do. I lost my husband to a sudden heart attack - his first, last, and only - 2.5 years ago. We'd been together for 30 years, he was only 55. I joined this group a couple of weeks later after reading the experience of another widow who lost her husband same way I did at almost the same time. I thought 'finally, someone who will understand what I'm going through.'

It's going to be rough going for awhile. I had to adjust to single-parenting and comfort my sons in their grief while dealing with my own, so I know how tough it is. If you can, I would recommend you get counseling and get counseling for the kids as well. It helped us a lot. My younger son was in his senior year of high school when Cliff passed, and that with all the inevitable "firsts" and milestones without my husband made the first year really tough for all of us.

I talked with my son's school counselor and she worked with his teachers so he got the support he needed at school.

I won't load you up with advice right now, your head's probably in a spin already, but I'm here and will help - as will the others. Take care of yourself - drink a lot of water to counteract the dehydration of the crying and take your vitamins everyday to help you physically through this. It's a small thing but it will help, especially in these early days for you.

Love and Hugs, Martha

I'm sorry for your loss is such an inadequate phrase, but I am. I'm on the same road as you and the rest of the people on Daily Strength. My husband lost a battle with lung cancer almost three years ago and the fear, loneliness, pain, and anger were consuming me in the first months. I know your pain and I'm here to encourage and share. Sharon

Martha, Thank you for your words of comfort. I never even thought about taking vitamins and glad you pointed that out. Rob passed away 20 days ago and already I've lost 12 pounds. I eat a bit just to sustain but will most definitely get vitamins to help supplement until I gain back my appetite. I'm sorry also for you loss and will keep you and yours in my prayers.
Sharon, again, many many thanks for your kind, comforting words. It helps me a lot. Before finding this site, I was more lost than I can put into words (you've all been there I know). Knowing that I can come here and be understood without having to explain is a lifesaver and I thank you all so very much

Prayers and hugs to all
Pam

Pam, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I lost my husband of 35 years unexpectantly also. He passed away on the operating table after throwing a blood clot to his heart. Your loss is so recent. I remember that time and how awful it was. It has been almost 6 months since I lost my Larry and I just wanted you to know that it does get some better with time. I still have my bad days and I still miss my DH every day, but all in all things will get better. You have your children to live for and be there for...as I know they will be there for you too.

Try and stay busy, but just take one minute, one hour and one day at a time. I'm glad you came to this site. I have been here since Feb. '10 and it has helped me tremendously!!!

(((HUGS)))
Cathy

Dear Pam,
Our stories are much the smae. I was 47 when I met my husband and we had 15 wonderful years together. I had finally found someone who I could give all of my love,trust completely and feel safe and secure with. We both thought it was amazing that we found each other and how easy our love and life was when everything else we had experienced was so difficult. My husband passed away at age 57 on Oct 21, 2009 in his sleep. His last words to me were "I love you".
What shock I was in , numb in disbelief, There was just no way this happened...but it did.
I am so sorry that you have had to find your way here and for your shocking loss. I know how you are feeling. Your loss is so recent, it will be hard to concentrate and make any sense of it but you have found a wonderful place to rest. Here at DS you are among people who understand completely, there is nothing you can say here, no matter how crazy it sounds, that we haven't expressed or felt. We will comfort you, hold your hand and help you on this journey as we help each other.
My prayers for your peace..
Linda

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my fiance suddenly a little over 6 months ago. He was 38 years old. Support of friends and family have gotten me through the past 6 months, as well as DS, and a therapist. I have also read a lot of books on grieving. Be good to yourself and take one day at a time. Sometimes you need to take one hour at a time. Sending hugs to you.

Pam,
Oh, my dear!!! I am SO sorry for your sudden loss!! I know, as we all do here, what an awful, terrible, horrible time you are having right now.
I remember the deep painful feeling in my heart and soul that this could NOT be happening!! NO! Joe could absolutely NOT be gone forever!! There is no actual way to truly know this loss, this pain, this unbelieveable feeling of desperation until it happens to you. The shock that you go into immediately, does keep you from feeling even worse. As it wears off, a few months down the road, you will go through another phase of grief.
There are so many stages throughout the first year and of course, all the "firsts" to handle. My prayers are definitely with you and your family.
My husband of 38 1/2 yrs. plus 2 yrs of dating b4 that, died suddenly of cardiac arrest at my birthday/Christmas party on Dec. 21, 2007. Yes, on my birthday. Not something I can look forward to anymore. He was standing against the doorway frame between my friend's livingroom and diningroom, when he suddenly hit the floor facefirst. I began CPR as soon as he stopped breathing untill the medics arrived. We were surrounded by family and friends--all in panic mode. The dr. told me later that night, at hospital, that he was dead as soon as he hit the floor, No amt of CPR helped. The left ventricle of his heart simply exploded. He was 58.
He had not felt well b4 we went to the party, but had been working hard on putting in some pasture fence posts that day. He had had bronchitis (supposedly) off and on for 6 wks. and that was it! He was a broad shouldered large man, very strong and had never been prone to sickness, medicine, or dr. visits. He was also very stubborn about taking medicine.
It is such an unreal happening!! When I read or hear of someone losing a spouse now, well, I know how awful those first days and months are!
Take care of yourself, even though, I know you don't really care right now. You have children that you will have to be well enough to take care of now, cause it is only you. As Martha said--plenty of water and vitamins will help.
Keep faith that things will eventually settle into a "new" routine. God will help you - even when you don't think that He is doing so. My faith and hope in Jesus is a large part that helped me this far. My children, 3, daughter, son, daughter, have been and continue to be blessings to me. They are all grown,and married, but, that first year we kept tabs on each other so closely! It was soothing to speak to my kids, except that they were hurting so badly also.
I know it doesn't seem possible, at this time, but, as time passes, it does get easier at times, better at times, and you will learn to smile about some of the things he said or did. There, I think, will always be times when the sadness will hit, and the tears will fall, but, thankfully, the periods between these times begins to expand. More days separate the "crying jags". The crying jags also begin to lessen and not last as long. The time will come for you too.
Reading books on grief, joining a grief group, going to a counselor, all these things helped me considerably. Also, being on sites like this helped tremendously!! W/o hearing from actual grieving widows/widowers, I think it would have taken me longer to get where i am today. We are here. Just read and post. HUGS Joely

I found myself jotled awake at 4am feeling sick and unable to sleep. How comforting to read everyones kind words and advice .. knowing exactly what I'm going through and feel. I so appreciate all of you and this site.
Keeping you all in prayer
Pam