Pam, I am so sorry for your sudden loss. I lost my husband of 37 yrs. to cancer 2 1/2 yrs. ago. I did not find this site until about 6 mos. ago. I only wish I had found it early on cause it has really helped me. We understand here and are here for you when you need us. Be kind to yourself and take care.

Thank you for your kind words. It is so comforting to have others to talk to who truly do understand what I'm feeling.

Pam

Pam,

Your loss is so recent as well as sudden. My heart goes out to you as you try to find some sense to it all. The unexpected journey you have been forced to begin will be one that changes as each day goes by. The beginning is so gut-wrenching when trying to find a foothold on reality. Please take care to treat yourself gently, remembering that you are still very important. Your children will look to you for a steadiness in a world they won't understand for quite some time. We adults have a hard time grasping that life has changed forever much less a child.

I'm glad your efforts to find a support group brought you to Daily Strength. The people here are wonderful and so very compassionate. The months or years of our loss all differ, but the understanding that everyone has for those who are grieving is a balm to one's soul. The world has a hard time grasping how deeply we grieveuntil that sorrow touches their lives.

Blessings to you as you gently move forward moment by moment, day by day . TJ

Hi Pam ~ I too know what you're going thru. I married my 2nd husband when I was almost 51 he died the following year 12 days before our first anniversary. We didn't know he was sick until we'd been married for 5 months. It was terminal. I'd been with him for 7 years prior to our marriage, as we'd both been in long-term marriages before and we didn't want to hurry into marriage. I guess we were both gun shy. LOL He too was the love of my life, my soul mate, my "other half." We did everything together and when you saw one, you saw the other.

It's been 9 years now and I still feel like part of me is missing. I have NO desire to date or marry again. I know I never will. I've been thru the firsts: the first birthdays, the first holidays, the first anniversaries. Get this ~ the first birthday of his I had to go thru was Sept. 11 2001, the day the Towers were hit!!!! What a tragic day. I was a basket case and in histerics.

It does get easier Pam, I promise. Of course I still miss Dave, but when I think of him now, I think of him with smiles, not with tears. I remember the fun times we had, the goofy things we used to do. We were quite a pair. So It will get easier.

My thoughts and prayers are with you dearheart. God bless you and take care of YOU. Hugs, Lee

T.J. & Lee, thank you so much for your understanding and advice. It is so heartwarming to hear from others that have been there and going through (or went through) what I am. My mother in law said to me that she wished we could turn back the clock of time .. I said I'd rather turn it way up to where this pain isn't so fresh and unbearable. I believe that God has His plan and that this was inevitable so I do not wish to turn back only to deal with it again (make sense?). Lee, it is comforting to know that someday I'll be able to think of Rob and smile while still missing him. The heartache now is just so tremendous and I feel robbed.

Thanks again so much; my prayers to each of you also.

Pam

Pam,

I to am so sorry for yur loss and feel your pains I lost my husband to cancer in Februaryn and everyday seems like it was yesterday. Coming here to this sight will help you, nobody understands like everyone here does and thers is comfort in that. Take care and be good to yourself, ~HUGS~

Donale

This, no doubt, has to be the hardest thing anyone would have to do...and that's go through with this kind of loss.

This sort of thing happens non infrequently at this time of life. It reminds us of how short and not-guaranteed life really can be. But, he sounds like a man who faced his situation fairly fearlessly.

He may have felt he could handle anything dealt his way.

Apparently, he was not a fragile or fearful type of person. I think he could feel the luxury of this because he knew he had your love with him.

I don't know what to tell you to make you more comfortable with all this. Of course, you know you are not alone...and you will find loving people, at the ready, to grieve with you.

I just got out of the shower and, as I lay across the bed to cool off, I got to thinking about what Mary would do...if I were to pass away.

My first inclination is that she'd want to do something to be immediately with me. But, I've told her...time and time again...to stop right where she is...say a prayer of thankfulness that we were together...and keep living for our Lord....for the children...and for ourselves.

Just think...you are 19 days closer to seeing him today.

You've got work to do...the work that you and he started. He would want to see you comfortable and well, I am sure...and this is the significance of the very next days of your life...to get comfortable and stay well.

I've told Mary to remarry, if she finds someone who cares and loves her. She has my total permission to do...or not do...whatever she wants to do in this regard. We've had this conversation a number of times, too.

Bless your heart and soul. Take a nice deep breath and let your pain flow out. Feed yourself today and hug somebody you love.

Tigerpaws: what you said "Apparently, he was not a fragile or fearful type of person. I think he could feel the luxury of this because he knew he had your love with him." was so very heartwarming and comforting to hear and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. This site is truly a blessing.

Pam

I'm so sorry for your loss. You've come to the right place. We're all in the same place. It's hard, but this group helps. I can't tell you how many times I've received help from the good people here. I have my good days. When I have them, I try to help others. Please write to me if you just want to talk. I'm a late night person, so sometimes I'm online at crazy hours.

Truhal,
Thank you so much. I guess it's too soon for me to have a good day; I have part of a good day but then something happens and I'm a mess again. I am a stay at home mom and when the kids are in school, I'm online all the time trying to distract myself. I found DS and after reading so many nice, helpful and understanding posts, I finally decided to get involved. I am so glad I did. Today was much better because of you all. God Bless you

Pam

I am so sorry for your loss, and can understand the shock of it, as I lost my husband unexpectedly also. Glad you have found this site, everyone here is great. Lean on us whenever you need to.

Thank you Julie. So comforting to have found this site and all you wonderful people.

Hi Pam
So sorry for your sudden lost and like other have said you have come to the right place. I am new to this site as my wife passed april 9th can't give you many answers as I rely on the compassion of the people here to get throught each day.Lean on your Faith and just take those baby steps,
God Bless Dave

Dave,
I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. Like you said, baby steps are the only way to get through this. The help and support from others here is been a Godsend.

Pam

Pam, I know how horribly devastating losing our spouse so suddenly can be. I lost my husband in a hang gliding accident last Nov. 15. We were married 36 years. Yes, it does still feel like a nightmare. However, somehow the rawness and shock really does grow less, every so slowly. But life without our men will always be so empty. I am so grateful for everyone here at DS, they have been my lifeline. I hope we can be for you too. Make sure you take care of youself. I found that I absolutely had to, and still am. Hugs, Patti