stottsp. To answer your question, I lost my husband of forty years almost twelve years ago. It was sudden. He had a massive stroke and was gone in a week. He was 68. He was a good man who lived for me and our kids. He was generous, he was fun. There wasn't anything he couldn't fix. He pitched right in with me and helped in every way he could. We both worked while raising our family. We were happy and then he was gone. It took a lot for me to get through the grieving process. I was heartbroken.
Eventually I gathered up strength and carved out a new life. I joined a bereavement group and made new single friends. I've made the best of being widowed. i've volunteered, I worked part time to keep busy. I dated and I traveled., I stayed in close touch with our children... It's an adjustment and it takes awhile to reach acceptance. it's a different life but it's a good life. I have good friends. My health could be better but I stay on top of things as they occur. I am thankful for each beautiful day.
My thoughts will remain with you . I wish you the best. Love and Hugs, Dolores

Thank you, Dolores, for your hopeful and encouraging words. It sounds like your husband and mine were a lot alike! Randy was 61 when he passed away on May 10th of this year. And he could also fix or build just about anything. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to lose your husband suddenly like that. I am so proud of you for all the things you have accomplished on your own. I am attending my first bereavement meeting this week and I joined a gym last Friday. I begin Silver Sneakers classes tomorrow. I am blessed to have many friends and a wonderful church family. I will be praying that you enjoy good health and happiness. Hugs. Paula

I have a couple friends who I meet for breakfast or dinner out weekly. One thing that is hard for me is that I still work, and my friends are retired so my schedule isn't as flexible as theirs. My friends are divorcees, not widows, so I don't talk much about my grief. I am considering retiring this year but need to get some volunteer jobs lined up so that I don't sit here on my couch . My outlet is the therapist that I see. I resisted seeing a therapist and didn't see one until after the loss of my husband and several other family members. You may consider this option. Everyone is different in how they deal with grief. I often wonder if I will ever learn to enjoy life again as I did with my John, but I will keep trying. As I said before, this site has been helpful, too, in that you can come here at any time, day or night; and you will find that you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. Roxanne

Paula, I neglected to mention in my previous reply that exercise is the one of the things that helped me along. There was a ladies gym near the cemetery. I joined, and I found I wasn't crying while I was exercising. i stayed for seven years. Good to hear you are exercising.
Having friends at church is a good thing also. I still have the friends I made in the bereavement group.
You seem spunky like I was. Good for you.!!!
You will always keep your husband in your heart but you will be OK in time.. I didn't think about another marriage because I knew my guy was one of a kind. When I was ready I had a wonderful friend for seven years (that seems to be my lucky number, (chuckle) but the miles apart was an issue. We had some very nice times together. We remain friends and keep in touch .
I now have a great friend for the past two years who lives just ten minutes away. He is very helpful and he understands as he too has a health issue. We are there for each other. Some of us in our late 70's have different aches and pains.
I'm sorry for your loss. Your husband was young. It's only been a couple of months. I wish you the best as you move through healing. Love and hugs, Dolores

Roxanne, It seemed to me that divorce and being widowed is so very different. You would see the difference if you meet other widowed friends. It might help to join a bereavement or widows group and still keep the friends who are divorced. You would then talk freely about your thoughts on being widowed. It's worth a try.
Once you retire you will find the time to do fun things. It's good you have your therapist to talk with, since you have had other losses. ( I'm sorry to hear.) Be patient. Brighter days are ahead. Love and Hugs, Dolores

Roxanne, I totally understand about all your friends being divorcees and that makes it hard. All my friends are married and still have their husbands. I have pretty much stopped talking about my grief to them for I feel they are getting tired of hearing it. And they are all happy people so I don't want to be a downer in their lives. I do have a therapist who is also a dear friend from high school. I can always call him if I need to talk. Since my husband was so sick for so long and we knew for over 1 1/2 years that he was terminal, I did a lot of grieving before he passed away. That still doesn't stop the pain of him being gone. He, also, was one in a million and my guy for 34 years. I am only 68 and in good health except for a few aches and pains so I know there is life on the other side of this grief. I am glad I found this group! Love and hugs! Paula

Hi Dolores, I am very spunky! :-) And very active! I don't want another husband but down the road it would be nice to have a male friend to be a companion and we could look out for each other. For now though, it is way too soon. Randy has only been gone just shy of three months. Some days it seems like and eternity and others it seems like just yesterday! I have been retired since 2012 but I have stayed very busy! Thankfully, there is so much to do and see where I live. Thank you for your encouragement! Love and hugs! Paula

I lost my husband of 40 years to a sudden heart attack on May 1, 2018. I know what your are experiencing and am so sorry for your loss. I miss my husband dearly and worry about what's happened to him. Is there an afterlife? Will I ever see him again or get a sign? Of course, the heartache is overwhelming and is the worry, the remorse (How could I have prevented his death?), the emptiness, the longing, the loneliness, the guilt. We loved each other dearly and he is missed so much.

I am truly sorry that you are also experiencing loss and grief.

MyPreciousPartner, Thank you for sharing with me. I am comforted by believing there is an afterlife and I know where my husband is. I am a Christian and so was my husband. However, if your husband wasn't we have no clue how God may have spoken to him prior to his passing. I believe I will see my husband again in eternity and you can have hope that perhaps you will see yours also. You certainly could not have prevented his death so please try to let go of the guilt. I truly understand the emptiness, longing, and loneliness. I go through this each day but I am learning to live in the moment and I am beginning to notice all the beautiful things that are left in this world. Each day is a new beginning and our husbands have not been gone long. So all of these things we are experiencing are normal. And I do believe they will get better with time and prayer. Love and Hugs! Paula

I feel for you. I lost my soul mate in January to pulmonary fibrosis. We were married 37 years, but had been best friends since I was 12. I still cry everyday and getting out of bed is hard. I, like you, feel I need help and someone to understand. I'm drowning in my self pity and sorrow and can't believe I will never miss that smiling face again. This hurts!

Good Morning Pjayne! I am sorry you are still hurting so much. I still cry everyday also and that is so normal. Do you have family or friends that can help? Is there a bereavement group in your area? Or is there a counselor or therapist you can reach out to? One of the things that helps me is knowing Randy would not want me to sit in this house grieving every day. I can almost hear him telling me that I was not the one who passed and to get back into life again. One day at a time and one step at a time, my friend. Will be lifting you in prayer. Love and Hugs! Paula

We all can help each other because we are the ones that understand what it is like to lose a spouse. My friends do not understand what I am going through. I not sure that my children understand either what I am going through. For most of us this is the first time we are on are own and we are all trying to figure this new life out. If you need to talk just message me.

It's so strange reading others posts, who seem so eloquently able to put what seem to be my feelings into posts! I was married 37 years, but met my husband when I was 11. We dated at school, married at 19 and he was taken from me on 30/1/18. Pulmonary fibrosis. I watched a strong, funny, loving man deteriorate, and was with him, holding him, when he passed. I'm finding it really hard. I just don't know how to "be" . I've lost my confidence, he was my support, my cheerleader, my backbone. I feel so deeply sad for all your losses and hope one day we can all smile again. Much love, and thanks for this site and letting me rant on, I'm such a hi-jacker of threads! X

Hello everyone! I have had a particularly bad day today. I woke up anxious and sad. I took my Mother-In-Law to her doctor's appointment and then had lunch with my best friend. All during that time I felt as though I could jump right out of my skin. On the way home from lunch the tears welled up and I was sobbing AGAIN when I pulled into my garage. I wasn't really thinking about anything so I don't know what started the tears. Is this normal? Randy has been gone just shy of 3 months so I know I have a lot of grieving to go but this took me by complete surprise. Thanks for listening! Hugs, Paula

Paula, yes, crying jags, coming out of nowhere, are so very much a part of the grief journey. You are so early in your grief - it takes time, lots and lots of time, to get to a point where you aren't plagued by fits of crying. And, why not? Your life has been turned upside down, and you have lost the love of your life. Be kind to yourself, and let the tears flow. Please find comfort in knowing that you are not alone, and we all understand your pain. Roxanne