Let me begin by expressing how sorry i am for your loss. 34 years together is a very long time and i am in the sane place i understand.

The loss is immediately very hard. That loss doesn change with time, rather we learn to live with it..

I lost my husband to lung cancer after our 40th Anniversary..

Respond and we can get to know each other better. Or message me.

Thank you for responding so quickly. It is comforting to know I am not in this alone but I am so sorry for your loss. I am no stranger to grief and loss but this is the hardest thing I have ever been through. I have a few good days here and there but today was especially difficult. Sometimes the tears come out of nowhere.

I'm so sorry. Grief is an emotion like no other. The tears come when we least expect them. We never know what will trigger tears. Grief is a process. it has to be worked through. It takes time and is different for every one. The library has books that can better explain it.
You might try a bereavement group. Hope Hospice has meetings each week. This is a good place to share. Everyone here has had a loss.
I lost my husband after a great 40 year marriage. It was sudden. We never saw it coming. He had a massive stroke and was gone in a week. I cried till there wasn't any tears left. With time I was a lot better. My thoughts will be with you for strength and peace. Love and Hugs, Dolores

Thank you Dolores. It is true that we never know what will trigger the tears. Yesterday they came out of the blue and hit like a ton of bricks. But I am better this morning. I am very blessed to have a wonderful church family and many special friends who look out for me. They try really hard but none of them has ever lost a spouse so some of their advice is way off base. But I know they are trying to help. My heart goes out to everyone here and I will keep all of you in my prayers. Love and Hugs, Paula.

Good morning and welcome. I had crying issues as well and occasionally still do. Crying is good. Don't let it set the stage for enhancing your depression. I'm glad you have a strong support system. No doubt people don't have a lot of experience in conveying their thoughts about what your going through so yes they tend to get their foot stuck in their mouth. I think it's a natural reaction to say "Sorry for your loss". I've been hearing it for eight years now. I respectfully reply with "thank you". I appreciate when someone says "How are you doing?" For me it was like starting all over again. One day life is one way and the next it is totally different. I had to discover me all over again. What do I like to do? Oh I can have an opinion now without concerning myself with what my spouse thinks. It's a strange way of life all of a sudden. stay in touch. We're here to listen and offer thoughts from our experiences.

I know what you mean GreenTeam. I am trying to discover who I am and what I would like to do now. I was Randy's wife for 33 years and we had been together 34 years. I do have a great support system but some of them seem to think it odd if I laugh at something or seem to be enjoying myself. They think it is too soon. They forget that I grieved for 2 1/2 years during his illness. These 10 weeks that he has been gone have been very heartbreaking but I get up determined each day to do the best I can. It definitely is like starting all over again. Thanks for listening!

stottsp Please laugh and smile every chance you get. Who the heck are these people who are judging???? Do not feel guilty for having good days. There is no special behavior expected. I used to purposely make jokes b/c my husband loved a good laugh and was fun. Love and Hugs,

Thank you regwin. People just don't understand that even though you smile and laugh as often as possible, there is still this blanket of sadness over us. How long has it been since you lost your husband? I am so sorry for your loss. I even had someone tell me the other day that Randy was gone and I should move on. I thought that was cruel! He has only been gone 10 weeks and the pain is still raw. I think they mean well and just don't know what to say to me. At least that is how I choose to look at them. I am a strong woman, I function just fine taking care of things along with my ailing 88 year old Mother-In-Law who lives across the street, but I am still so lonely without Randy. Thank you all for understanding and caring. Love and hugs!

Oh nothing compares to the pain that we carry every minute of each day. Even when you know they are in a better place, we still find ourselves wondering where are place is??? We are here together in this goat rodeo of finding our way out of this gate. Hugs.

I have no idea who I am now. You are right, positivepain, we are all in this together. I was at church today and this man was talking about his wife and he were arguing. I found myself wanting to scream "At least you still have each other so work it out and just love". Of course, I had to fight the tears! I know God will bring me through this pain, I just find myself wishing he would hurry it up! :-)

It's one thing to tell you to "move on". In a sense they are correct for that is what is left. If they hold your hands and are close to you and say it sympathetically then you get where they are coming from. To just throw it out there is not cool. Like it's their opinion. From many experiences I have always said Death brings out the worst in people. It's not a subject we are accustom to talking about unless you work in a funeral home? LOL an attempt at some levity. Our experiences definitely make us look at life so very differently. You suddenly realize how many people tend to take life for granted. Your reference to the arguing couple in church is a prime example. My wife Lynn had three daughters. She was close to two of them. I'll never forget in giving the eulogy I said how life changes so fast and it's so important to make situations right with people you love and care about. I was in a position to let life take it's course after Lynn passed. Eventually I made some very poor decisions. My sister was the only family in my life and I literally had no one to help me make decisions and choices. Perhaps what your looking for in life "hurrying up" is for life to resume to the normal that your comfortable in? Taking care of your mother in law is wonderful. Having worked in the assisted living field you are doing a great thing. Not that those facilities are all bad, but the quality is based on $. The more you got the better the care. Keep in touch. Stay busy. You'll never forget. Take care of yourself. Will

Thank you, Will. I do look at life so differently now. I am very blessed in that I have a wonderful church family and so many friends who truly care for me. However, I do not have family that will help. My Brother tries but he is 75 and not in the best of health. My two adult children have problems and only care about themselves. Randy has been gone 10 weeks today and I haven't seen them since the memorial service. It is sad but a fact of life. Fortunately I was a business woman before I retired so I am pretty good at making decisions and handling things that come up. My main problem is fighting being lonely when I am home alone. But I do have two beautiful beagles that keep me company. I am more blessed than some. Hugs are coming your way! And I will keep you in my prayers. Paula

Try Widows and Widowers - Health, Support, and Education group on Facebook. There is a lot of activity on there and lots of hurting people who offer help and need help. Really helps me to know there are others out there in my situation. I lost my sweetie on 5/2/18. It really sucks!!

I am so glad that you found this site and sorry for the reason that you belong here. You will find lots of support and caring people (as you can see from those who have responded to your post). This is not an easy journey, and we all want to support you since we completely understand your loss. Keep coming here to either post or read. It will help. Roxanne

Thank you, Roxanne. I am doing some better. I can get through a few days without the tears now but sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks. I am now trying to find a place where I can meet new people. It would be nice to meet others ladies in the same situation but it would also be nice to meet people who do not know about the suffering I have been through for the past 2 1/2 years. The people who know and love me are so supportive but sometimes I would love to talk about things other than this grief. Any suggestions are most welcome. Hugs!