Mary, have you considered meeting people through a senior center or a widow/widower's group? Or do you have a special interest where you could attend meetings about that, or a volunteer group?

I know some good relationships come from on line sites, but we also know there are a lot of dangers and misinformation too.

From what I read in advice columns and from people I know, I think there are men and women both on both sides of the companionship only question.

No matter what the age or circumstance, I see people encourage to meet people through common interests.

I think that's what most of us widows want, a friend, a companion, someone to go out with for a meal. But it just doesn't happen. They are either already married or involved or just don't care anymore.

I've tried the dating sites for about 2 yrs and had no luck. I went out twice, the guys were nice enough but not for me. I really don't know what they want, its different for each. When I read their profiles they seem to want romance and all that goes with it. I haven't found any that just want a friendship. Most of the guys I wrote that sounded good to me never wrote back. I did get messages from the kind I don't want. Meeting at a senior center or face to face is the best way if you can find it.

I think at some point I would like to have male friends too, but not romance! A nice dinner, a day trip to an interesting site, etc but that is all. Would never want to go through losing someone I loved ever again!

I think if you make it clear in your profile that you are looking for a friend only, you have a good chance of success. I am in that age range, and I've found a few email "pen pals" that I correspond with, one of whom is local to me. We share an interest in reading, so we've formed a mini-book club. Most of our interaction is via email, but we have met face-to-face a few times. I consider her a friend, and we've had a great time reading and discussing books. I myself don't have any interest in a romantic relationship at this time.

I wish you the best of luck!

Mary, I'm in your age group and I made quite a few friends on sites. One I met on Facebook who was the brother of a friend in high school. We were casual friends who shared meals and went on a few picnics. No romance, but lots of fun. Art and I were not looking for more than friendship when we met.

Don't judge simply by profile unless you find it outrageous. And be picky about giving out personal information or meeting someone, but have fun while chatting about day to day life events while getting to know them. It can be enjoyable.

Don't misunderstand, I blocked obnoxious guys, but also found some amazing ones as friends. You just can't take it too seriously until you are sure you are ready to share anything more personal. I talked a lot to guys who were widowed and you can tell real quick if they aren't being honest. Sharon

Mary, while I cannot give my two cents because of our age difference, I can give you words from my mother (now deceased). She said that as much as she loved my father, if something ever happened to him she was not going to have any other man's shoes under her bed. Either they are looking for someone to take care of them, or they are ill and are looking for a nursemaid. I'm not saying that there aren't any decent men left, but they are few and far between.

In my age group (50 - 60) the guy is out for a one night stand, move himself in, and/or take advantage of the lady's money. Not saying they are not out there, but rarely do I meet a man who just "wants to be friends". If the machinery still works, they want to use it. If it is broken, there are drugs to fix it again.

Most or all of my friends and companions are females. I go out to movies, dinner, interesting conversation -- it doesn't need to come from someone of the opposite sex. As for me personally, I don't need the company of a male figure to feel better about myself or my social life. I have no desire to "start over" again in another relationship.

That's hard to find in this day and age. If you're talking platonic--pharmaceuticals have changed the landscape out there.

I joined a number of meet-up groups, so I get to go out without having a boyfriend.

Wow Ladies,
This is a tough one to respond to. I almost feel a little of that hostility toward men that came from a previous poster that we all knew.
However I am sorry that some of you feel that that way, but no offence taken. Those of you so inclined obviously have your reasons.
For my part I have the opportunity to be in a strickly platonic relationship with my best friend's wife. He died about six months after my wife died. Add to that, she was also my wifes best friend. Along with another couple we all grew up together, so we've known each other for well over sixty years. But I am having a lot of trouble allowing myself to even get into that kind of a relationship. I've never been unfaithful. But even now I would feel that I was being unfaithful. I've always thought with my head and my heart, but I do understand, (some?) men don't.
As for me, I guess after 50 plus years of marriage it's true, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I think I've even forgotten some of the old ones. (good thing).

Geo.

Mary, you are still at the point of comparing everyone against your husband. You said, "but I look and see one little thing in their profile that doesn't fit how my husband was or maybe one little thing I don't care for..so I never proceed." I think perhaps companionship is not exactlt what you are ready for at this stage. Craving - yes, but longing only for the one you lost at this point, which is understandable.

It's true that I am not in your age bracket - my sisters would be more in your age bracket - but my suggestion would be that you simply try to increase your circle of friends right now. I don't know where in NC you are, but when I searched on meet-up groups for the Charlotte, NC area, about 100 groups came up. One of them would bound to be a good one for you. Just go to meetup.com and tell it the area to search on - you do it in 5-mile, 10-mile, etc. search areas.

It is not fair to someone else to be constantly compared to our dead spouses - under any circumstances. It may be hard for you right now, but I think you need to put aside the checklist, and just make friends and accept them as who they are, rather than essentially looking for a "stand-in" for your husband. That's not likely to happen. What man would want to be in the position of just filling in for another man and being compared to someone else? Not conducive to a good friendship....

That's my two cents worth, and I hope you don't mind my adding them in.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

P.S. - And George, you made me laugh! Your comments reminded me of the old joke that, "They say the memory is the second thing to go... and I can't remember what the first thing was!"

I just joined seniorpeople meet and am simply responding and getting to know them through messages through the site. It has been fun so far,one is a little too intense at times and I diffuse that quickly. I haven't even met him and he wants to be my one and only. Really!? I have no idea what or if anything will come of any of it, but it is interesting. I have friends to do things with, but would like some male companionship now and then. I am in my fifties. Not looking for serious, just fun at this point.

I was fortunate to meet a great person on a dating site. From the start i was very conscious about not trying to duplicate my wife. It's better to look for a good honest person you can have a conversation with and then see if you are compatible rather than looking for someone to "live up" to the one you lost The honesty part is really important, there is a lot of deception on the sites, age being one of the most common misrepresentations.. I confided in some friends and my daughter about my dating progress to help make sure I was not being an ass(had not dated for 46 years) or being scammed. My friend who is also a widower told me you might have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a princess, so I went out with the idea that dates were interviews for both parties involved and no hard feelings if I did not make the cut and hoped they felt the same way. Romance was not the prime reason for seeking a relationship, but it turned out that it is important to the woman I am dating. She is 68 also.

I just went on senior people meet for the first time. It said free. I set up a profile. Got responses right away. Then they said you can't see responses or " flirts" unless you join at 15.00 a month! I was scared anaway... Not sure I'm really ready and just wanted to check what it was like. Scary thought!

Mary, you have asked the question I have been asking my whole life! Is it possible to have just a friendship with a male? I can almost count on one hand the number of men (besides relatives) that I could have a platonic relationship with. I would LOVE to have someone to just enjoy life with and not have all the complications of a "relationship". I will be anxiously waiting to see if that is possible!

I tried having a platonic relationship for most of my adult life. Didn't work, but they both made great husbands.