Hi Chayne and welcome back.. as for the finding friends part, bars are not a safe place to looking for friends, being around a drunk and disorderly crowd of people. Have you researched for an LGBTQ support group in your community? that would be the safest place to go to for meeting new friends, and maybe they would introduce you to their close friends.

I have looked around, but it seems like LGBTQ groups don't last long around here. My therapist told me of a group that used to be held, but that was a while back and I don't believe is still around. My school has a LGBTQ club, but I don't spend much time at school since it's 15 minutes away and I don't really like to drive, plus there's only about 5 or 6 people in that club. There's not really a big group around here unless I want to travel 20 minutes away. There's a bar here called Martini's that is partially owned by a gay man, they hold like a Drag Queen night about once a month. I'd like to go, but I don't want to go alone either. Plus again, I don't really like to drink.

Rhonda hit the base of it, support groups is the main way for most of us. Outside of that your school or work are the main ways outside of that. No matter what type of people you are seeking to meet, its a matter of being out there. Not that its not easy :P but yeah

Yeah I know support groups would be best. But there aren't any around here. My therapist once talked to me about her possibly setting one up, but if she had she would've told me. And I just don't spend much time at school. I have one class there this semester, rest are online. I wish I knew of a place that had some sort of LGTBQ meetings cause I'd definitely go. I'm just getting to a point where I don't have much going on in my life and I'm trying to fill it. I don't have a job, don't ask me why, I couldn't tell you honestly why companies won't hire me.

I know how you feel,but i can't help you,because i have the same problem.And i am not sure if i want friends for making myself happy or to satisfy my mom.I have allways been socially unattached and this was a problem because others think you're weird if you are friendless.I wanted to fit in,but it never worked,either i didn't want to socialize or others didn't with me,but most commonly both was true.I just wish you good luck,you should know that you are not alone,i know one transgender woman(i am trans man)who has the same problem as you and me,this things happen.Sometimes it is helpfull to try finding friends in your trans community,they will understand you the most.

I know exactly how that feels. When you're socially awkward or "Unattached" as you put it, that's how people pretty much see you, or rather they don't see you at all. I do have friends online and they are great to talk to when they are around, but it'd just be nice having someone you can go out with more frequently and just have a good time. I've just been stuck inside for so dang long that it's frustrating and I'm trying to find a new side to my transitioning life. It just feels like if I could meet one friend, then that would help open the doors for me to find some more. Transitioning can be scary enough, and I don't really think I can handle going it alone. Unfortunately, there's just not much of a LGBTQ community here.

I also had some friends online,but when it comes to real life i just can't get them.It's allways something,some reason that i tell myself why i can't be friends with some person.And then i find some other reason for somebody else and i again tell myself some imaginary reason why can't we connect,but the real reason is because i'm afraid.When it comes to being online,it's different,you don't have to face people in person.But in real life i could never just normally connect with someone....

I know how you feel. I can make friends easier online than I can in reality. Sometimes I think, "What's wrong with me?" Other times I can sit there and think "What's wrong with them?" It's hard for me to meet new people, but a lot of the people I do know and used to be friends with just changed. So sometimes, you have to evaluate yourself, other times you have to evaluate others.

that's exactly like that with me.i never know is it me or others and i allways ask myself that.in my case the answer is probably both.i am so lonely that the last time i celebrated my birthsday was when i was 13.and now i am 19.it is like that cause i didn't have any friends to celebrate it with.i sometimes cry because of all that.

I am the exact same way. It's new years eve and for me it's one of the most depressing days of the year. Everyone's out having fun getting drunk and partying, I'm alone doing nothing about to go to bed because I wasn't invited anywhere. Last time I celebrated my birthday was, coincidentally, on my 13th birthday. But that was pretty much because on my 13th birthday I was also moving into a new house and the neighbor kids I was friends with were pretty much having a going away party, not a birthday party. But now I'm 23 and there isn't much upside left in my life except transitioning.

omg,it's like we have identical lifes....i was also depressed cause i had to celebrate new year by myself,thinking how thousands of ppl go out and have fun...instead i stayed at home with my mom and dad.you know how i spent my last new year? with my parents(again)and i went to their friends and there was nobody my age there even though they have sons just slight younger then me but ,they were out with their friends...and on top of that i had epilepsy seizurre.like you,the only bright spot in my life is my future transitioning,but in my country it just goes so slow....i cry every other day,sometimes want to kill myself....

I'm FtM, and never was much for going out, never had many friends at all. Now, I can't find any safe place to start making friends - no job, and I've tried the local LGBTQ groups around where I live,.... but they are not exactly welcoming of a plain, binary transgender like me. I still have a few friends - one straight, one bi, and two gay(married couple of wonderful guys); but none of them live near enough to hang out with on anything like a regular basis. My therapist keeps trying to help me find a group to connect with - says I need more social interaction - but most of her ideas don't work out for me. I too don't like to drink, hate bars and nightclubs, and avoid churches like the plague because of the general reaction of religious groups in my area to anyone outside of their narrow "Acceptable" sexual ideals. I identify as male, and readily pass as male on a normal basis; but ..... It can be dangerous to try hanging out with guys who think you're a cis guy, then discover you AREN'T cis gendered,.... it tends to make them feel insecure, and they lash out violently.

So, yes,... it is very difficult to find any means of making friends offline, especially for those of us who are transgender. I have discovered that many LGQs are very disapproving or non-understanding of the transgender people they meet; almost as bad as the super-straight bible-thumping religious zealots can be. Even worse, given that the LGQs KNOW what it's like to be "odd man out"; yet they often seem to treat the transgender community the same way. In time, I hope this will all improve; but for now, I am more of a hermit than anything else.

I spent Christmas and New Years Eve all alone, because my friends had family plans, and my family had notified me that I made them feel uncomfortable and asked me not to come. *shrugs* I watched TV all day and enjoyed eating whatever I pleased without having to share with anyone. Yes, I was lonely; still am,..... but it isn't the end of my life.

I'm still sorting myself out, discovering who I am; what kind of guy am I....that kind of thing. I'm no where near ready for anything remotely like a "relationship"; but it would be nice to have a few more friends to just hang out with.

On the plus side, the local(read next big city over from me) transgender group is holding a party this weekend, and I'm going. So's my therapist - she's bringing her long-term girlfriend - and maybe this time I'll get to connect with some more accepting members of the community. The local bunch is geared more towards the non-binary transgender people; those who are transgender/bi/gay/lesbian/gender queer/non-gender/omni-gender/other..... anything but straight transgender. Makes it kind of hard on a person when even the local group you're supposed to belong to treats you as an outsider just because you're straight. What can I say? Welcome to the South,...where prejudice takes all forms and excludes/includes everyone.

Gee, I'm starting to sound a little bitter..... pardon my venting.

In short, there really are few opportunities or venues in which we CAN find people to try making friends with. Which makes the few friends we DO have all the more precious.

All I can suggest is to keep trying. Just be careful who - and how - you tell you're transgender. If all you seek is friendship, then it might not be something you need to bring up at all. If, however, you're looking for more than friendship - a deeper relationship (dating, or more) - then you'll need to be more open about being transgender. At this point, I never bring it up myself - if the person is going to be friends, then my gender ID shouldn't matter, after all. If they want more than friendship, THEN I quietly let them know, privately, and see if the news alters their interest. Thus far, no one has wanted anything more than friendship; if that.

iWantToBeABoy-Last year for new years, I went to bed at 8pm because all my so-called friends were out partying and I wasn't invited. This year, I went to bed at 7 for the same reasons. However, I did have a wonderful friend I met on this site talk to me from time to time and said Happy New Year to me at midnight. She did wake me up in the process, but she was the only one to say it to me. That sucks about your seizure, I used to suffer from them as a kid, but don't anymore. I know that feeling of crying everyday. I want to many times a day, you just need to find something that can take your mind off it. For me it's exercising and music.

Joe-You had a LOT to say lol. I am careful of who I tell. In person anyways. I mean heck, I'm on twitter and skype and facebook under my true identity. Not like anyone's seeking me out though. But here's my problem. I've told 3 people in person. My aunt, and 2 cousins. And honestly, ever since I told them, and yes they were all supportive, they've seemed to be ignoring me more. I spent Christmas with my family, and wish I hadn't. Wish I could've stayed home and just treated it as a normal day. But instead I had to go to my grandma's and visit family. Where my aunt tried to intentionally get me to 'out' myself, I was pretty much ignored by everyone in my family, and was not given hardly any acknowledgement that I was even there. That's how I've been feeling just about everyday now. Guess that's why I'm seeking a friend I can sort of talk with on regular basis and go out with. Just to make sure that I am still acknowledged on this planet. I have 3 great friends, 2 I met on this site, and 1 from another. I talk to one of them pretty much everyday, another just about every other day, and the other maybe once a week. I'm not searching for dates or anything, just someone I can talk with and go out with on an occasional basis. The friend I have that I talk with everyday, she's only like 3 hours away from me, and we've talked time and time again about what we'd do if we met, and hopefully we do when I graduate. She's just not close enough to me right now that I can go out and like visit every weekend or something. Severely wish I could though!

But it's weird, Christmas I don't want to be around anybody but I have to be, and New Years I want to be able to go out and celebrate with somebody, but there isn't anybody to celebrate with. My cousin just posted like 100 pictures to her Facebook of NYE. She works at a bar. But I'm looking at them like, if I had known about this and gone, you'd see a pic of me sitting in the back corner, hand on my face in misery, wanting to leave. Think I made the better choice in just going to bed at 7.

Maybe this final semester of school will bring me some good fortune and provide to me someone who I can just talk to face-to-face. But I guess I'll just have to let my path take me down it.

I feel for you.People treat me like i don't exist.My relatives who know i'm trans ignore it completely,they never even bring it up.like i am not transgendered.i would like for people to get to know the real me and use the right pronouns.i wish they don't see me as a girl. i have not heard anytjhing positive about my coming out,most of relatives( who my mom told) never said anything about that and they talk to me like i'm female on the inside,and relatives who did mention it,had said it is not a good idea to transition.
and on top of all that my family keeps saying me : you are fat,you are weird,childlish....i have gained weight as a side effect to pills that i MUST take....

Wow that is terrible :( I'm not very out, but am treated just the same. Almost like they don't want to believe or don't believe me. Like "Hey I'm Bi and I'd feel a million times better if I was a female!" And their reaction is just "meh sure you do." But I've always been like invisible since high school. Just learned to live with it. And now I'm starting to get into that, 'You know what, if they don't feel like I'm here, then I'm gonna be like ghost and only appear when I want to" That's kind of my new year's resolution I guess. As for the weight, I used to be over 300lbs, but now I'm down to 250 and exercising everyday. I found I feel much better about myself and outlook when I'm active. But I understand that pills can do weird things. And I'm sure for you, most female-to-males do gain weight especially in muscle too. Just gotta make do and make yourself comfortable :)