Please suggest dates!

Things I plan to change (because every year is a learning experience, and if you'll just be patient with me we'll constantly improve):

I'll offer the extra first day again. This year I specified that it was an "unscheduled day," as in nothing planned. I'll do that again, except with some type of organized "mixer" that evening to incorporate newcomers a little better.

Schedule: I'm not sure what to do with contradictory feedback on scheduling. Some feedback encourages me to leave it loose/deliberately unstructured because it allows a more relaxed, social feel. In fact, that has often been one of the MOST praised features about the retreat: it's not over-scheduled with plans. Other feedback, however, suggests the exact opposite: run a "tighter ship," with more precise scheduling of activities. I'd like to do that, but leaving it loose also helped accommodate the fact that people tend to stay up very late and not even become conscious until after 10AM (or later). I'd welcome advice on how loose OR strict you'd like the schedule next year, and how to propose a schedule while also being realistic about the likelihood of peoples' being able to adjust to it.

Food: It's impossible to come up with a menu that offers every variety we'd all like. That's why I pestered you all so persistently for feedback in advance about what types, flavors, brands, limitations, and preferences each person had for food. And I tried to absorb ALL of that input, thinking "Well, golly, I have a menu that everyone will like because I created it by assembling all of their suggestions!" In hindsight, though, the feedback seems to be that we still need yet other options: less meat, for example, and more light fare. And frankly, I'm aware that the frybread was a disaster...for newcomers, that was NOT frybread. The cook assured me she knew how to make it, but real frybread is a light, fluffy pastry-like bread, not a crunchy, deep-fried greasy serving of drywall. Please don't despise "Indian Tacos" on this basis; I'd love to offer Indian Tacos again but with the PROPER bread: a non-greasy, sweet-tasting pillow! No need to gripe about it; I'm well aware already. Apologies especially to our overseas friend, who missed a chance to taste a real Native American delicacy. I'll ask people again to suggest their preferences for food types and dietary restrictions, and I'll incorporate all of that feedback into next year's menu, but remember that the menu is the product of YOUR collective input, "so speak up or forever hold your peace."

Conversation: This is a mistake I made. I was worried that if people thought they'd have to "open up" about hard topics, they would be afraid to come. So to prevent this, I advised people to actually AVOID such topics, to reduce the rick of triggers. My intent was to express the calm and peaceful environment of the retreat, differentiating it from a "therapy immersion weekend." Inadvertently, though, it had the unexpected effect of also stifling conversations about those topics when people actually WANTED to open up, because after all "Matt said we shouldn't." So I'll adjust my advice next year to welcome the open expression of those things, but with a cautious awareness of the risk, and the disclaimer that it is not required or expected of anyone. If people are simply reminded of the possible triggers and if they are assured that they will not be subjected to impromptu therapy, then anyone can feel free to express as much or as little as they would like.

Okay, now give me feedback. Remember that I'm very sentimental in my emotions about this retreat--it's my baby, my creation--but I also need to know what to tweak. I need nuts-and-bolts advice. Where you comfortable with Bill? Was it okay that he prayed for and hugged each of us? Was that awesome or awkward? Do you want Bill to be more of a speaker/educator, or more of a sharer/connector? Was I available enough for people who wanted to talk to me more deeply? We grew by seven people since 2009; can we grow by seven more in 2011? What helped you the most? I tried to stay out of the way and not emphasize myself at all: I didn't give a presentation, I didn't pray, I didn't make tons of speeches--I let Bill take the spotlight. Did you appreciate that I didn't do those thing, or should I have offered more of myself in those ways? I don't want humility to come off as detachment. Bill and I share the same empathic ability to "read" other survivors, but I carefully avoided doing so because I didn't want to come off heavy, I just wanted to be "fun Matt." I encouraged Bill to use his skills to connect like that instead. Was it helpful to have Bill as the "deeper" connection and me as the organizer and operator, or would you have liked for me to offer a more empathetic/compassionate connection as well?