As bad as this sounds it helps when tman gets out of guilt mode and we have a conversation and he bashes her...example she is larger and shorter than me and thank god not attractive in the face...anyway once he said she had man boobs and he practically had to cover her with flour to find the wet spot...sorry if that offends but believe it or not it helps.

I did have a conversation with tman last night that was kind of interesting...he's still pushing really hard to get close like we used to and I know it will just take time...anyway I described my feelings to my h this way...I asked him how he felt about her at first and he said a friend...I said after all she did attacking me and the kids and you at work...how do you look at her now? He said I hate her, resent her and wish she was dead...I said okay is there anything she could ever do to make you feel differently...he said no way in hell! I said okay I don't feel that about you but can you see how something someone does can affect how you look at them forever...he was floored and a bit of a light bulb went off...now it's different clearly and I don't hate him I love him...I don't know about resentment yet but I'm working on rebuilding and trying to find away to see him again not just what he did...but I think he understands just a bit why he doesn't feel like I really want him again yet...even though I can verbalize it...I don't seem to give him that feeeling from me. Sorry I'm babbling.

Hugs - tweedsie :)

I also like it when my H bashes the OW. He says she looks really old, was sometimes smelly with bad breath, had bad manners and sex was usually boring and more of a chore. He said the sex wasn't good, but she expressed so much appreciation and praise when he did her it made it more desirable. So there we go with the appreciation thing again.

lol...I totally get it...mine didn't have much sex with her...he described it as more of a friends with benefits thing and at the end the lovey emails were him pushing her away saying he didn't have answers for her and she should concentrate on her boyfriend...lol. What a joke...she has to feel like a total fool especially after he got a restraining order against her...my h said she was sexually timid and get this leave it to my h to have an affair with a chick that doesn't know how to blow...lol. Sorry if that offends anyone.

Sounds like your Hs situation was similar to my Hs. My H laughs sometimes and says he got ripped off. He says that if he was going to have an affair and risk his marriage he should have gotten smokin' hot sex all of the time in exchange. They should have been all over each other. Sometimes when they got together they didn't even kiss. I tell him its a good thing it wasn't that way or we probably wouldn't be together. I don't think I could have handled that.

Reply you know, my H says the same thing. Ditto ami. we wouldn't be together either. He says that she was so bad, that when she gave him a BJ, he couldn't even get it up, best he got was a semi. How bad is that. Me on the otherhand appreciated it. I love it when my H bashes as well. WE are both on the same page about his OW.

My list...

1.) All of 2008 (when I found out), All of 2007 (My stupidity for a year)& part of 2006 (when they met).
2.) Mitsubishi Eclipse cars, any model, year or make. The Whoremobile as I now call it.
3.) Blonde hair, which is sad since my daughter is a blonde.
4.) Songs about cheating. I cant listen and enjoy a radio any more.
5.) Private jokes which have been made a reality by his affair.
6.) Her name. That name or any form are no longer allowed in my hearing. That name is forever now known as crumlicker.
7.) Fly by night motels. I am worth way more then 29.99/night.
8.) Techno Disco music. What they listened to when they were in her car.

Im sure I could think of more, but Im only getting myself worked up & what they did is not worth it any longer.

I wish my H would bash the OW. If I do, he only kind of goes along with me. He will NEVER bash her to me on his own! It does leave me kind of wondering how he REALLY is with her today?
My list:
her name/ very common, Mary and the name of of the mother of Jesus. And to think he fucked her in our
corvette after a Christmas luncheon for the employees only, where he was chosen to say the prayer!
Corvetes
Very high heels
mens satin boxers- I bought many for him and the first time he planned to fuck her= he had to wear
a pair
Pantie hose
blow jobs
red bras
hot pink paities and matching bra
blonde pony tails
Fontana speedway in CA.
office chairs- pull up ones that don't have wheels
Rancho Cucamonga
passion perfume(Liz Taylors)
church
lonely roads in remote places
benches in the back of a park
IHOP restaurants
so many more- I have pages, but I'm getting upset!
Maybe more later

1. Our wedding pics, to me they mean nothing right now.
2. Anything having to do with weddings. Happily ever after doesn't exist.
3. Cell phone bill
4. Everytime my H goes to work because OW is there and I know he has feelings for her.
5. "The Office" because of the Jim/Pam romance. Makes me think of H and OW. That is one of my fave shows too.
6. Anything having to do with infidelity.
7. Any type of song where the man is sorry for hurting his wife/girlfriend, etc. To me, my H should have been like this with me.
8. Anything by "Coldplay" because they sang our wedding song.
9. Cheesecake Factory because that is what he brought her the night they had their "breakup" talk.
10. "Fool's Gold" because that is one of the movies he rented that same night.

1. My kids school (where they met)
2. Holidays
3. When my wife answers questions vaguely
4. The name "Will"
5. Pictures during the time of the affair
6. Notes and cards she gave me during her affair
7. Our wedding photos (got rid of many of them)
8. My wedding ring
9. Her wedding ring (which she wore when she screwed him)
10. Ditto of the condom trigger that Niki mentioned.

I can't believe that those are some of my triggers. I can't even see the sign welcoming me to the town OW lives in. She is a wedding planner at a local (nationwide chain) hotel. It is 3 minutes from my house..I have to constantly drive by and KNOW she is at that moment within those walls. It kills me. eHarmony ads...OMG...they make me want to vomit. Shame on them for allowing still married (separated..but not legally) people to be on their site. The kind and understanding lady there told me the members are screened for this... Thanks for making me know I am not alone.

And more....(this is cleansing) thank you!!!
1. her name
2. that she is tall...5'7"..I am NOT...now I look at taller woman and imagine how it was for my H.
3. When H calls me "sassy girl"...uh..leave that out...he called me that when he was with her.
4. All of the time that they were together...anything that happened during that time..at least the time I know about.. Dad's death..our 20th anniversary...our daughter's graduation...mother's day..(a very special lunch he made by the seashore...UGH)
5. His cell phone

6. His naked body..knowing she also knows the contour texture and taste of him.

Finally..this A has truly destroyed me in a way I never knew could exist. The grief is overwhelming. Thank you all so much.

Damn Morgan you asked a loaded question here, but here I go!

1. MY TRUCKS (Semi)- She has been in every one of them
2. OW name
3. The sight of my husband
4. My drivers - They all knew about her
5. My Golden Retriever- She bought her for him.
6. 4th of July - He ditched me to take her to Utah
7. Sex- I used to enjoy it, now all I can think about is how "dirty" it is.
8. When he tells me "he loves me"- uhhh no ya don't
9. My company- She was all up in this business....
10. OMG I just realized living is a trigger! How pathetic am I!!!!

My triggers are:
1. Flight Attendants.
2. Having my hair done (didnt realise we had the same hair dresser....until hairdresser told me she new about my husbands affair and told me all the details)
3. Her car type (silver pajero)
4. The song Rehab by Rhianna.
5. Her name
6. The pet name Babe (she called him that)
7. Endless countries as they did layovers together. Especially Sri Lanka
8. Long brown hair.
9. Lots of "ah ha moments"

Wow this is a bump from forever ago! Good Find Jura

1. Short skinny blondes (to anyone here who might be this no offense)
2. The basic movies, music and other media that discusses cheating
3. Kissing him, right now I picture him kissing her
4. Using online chat forums. Which sucks because I use to keep in contact with people like that
5. Her name
6. Landscaping and garden supply stores
7. The numbers 19 and 8
8. A bunch of strange random things that I can't think of right now

I'm laughing at how random some of these triggers are, but totally sympathetic!

Mine are:

1. Her name
2. H hiding something from me
3. Remembering details from their EA - mostly him not being honest
4. Thinking about what I "should have done"