Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
I loved what special had to say - I think she is totally right. Let's take Erin's idea and try and "dis-empower" some of ours. Maybe at least we can share and find some humor in the pain. I'll go first --
1. Victoria's Secret or any sexy underwear ad/store/magazine photo
2. His car/office - all of "their" places
3. When he texts and says "u" instead of "you" and other shortcuts - cuz thats how he texted with her but not me
4. Anything having to do with weddings - marriage - commitment
5. Anything having to do with infidelity - songs, tv, radio - its everywhere
6. Thinking about anything that happened during the time he was with her: our 10th anniversary, my birthday, his birthday, two family vacations, fourth of july, christmas, new years - whenever I see pictures from anything that was during their time together
How about everybody else?
1. Victoria's Secret or any sexy underwear ad/store/magazine photo
2. His car/office - all of "their" places
3. When he texts and says "u" instead of "you" and other shortcuts - cuz thats how he texted with her but not me
4. Anything having to do with weddings - marriage - commitment
5. Anything having to do with infidelity - songs, tv, radio - its everywhere
6. Thinking about anything that happened during the time he was with her: our 10th anniversary, my birthday, his birthday, two family vacations, fourth of july, christmas, new years - whenever I see pictures from anything that was during their time together
How about everybody else?
The good news is, many of the triggers don't take me to the horrible place they once did, some take me there...but for just a second. The ones that don't bother me anymore? I guess I've forgotten those!
1.Petite, skinny, face lifted, 40-50 year old women with long blonde hair.
2.Jazzercise.
3.Tomatoes (this one I'm almost over)
4.August 25 - September 27 and October 9 (which is on it's way!)
5.Every time I give myself my arthritis med shot. It lowers my immune system. It reminds me that H had unprotected sex, risking my health and my life.
6.Oral sex. A Seinfeld episode sent me into a 3 day rage!
7.Songs, Three and a Half Men (I refuse to have it on any TV in our house), movies, TV.
6.Salsa dancing, any partner dancing.
7.My stomach.
8.The words "You're so beautiful and sexy"
9.Checking H's email.
10.Getting the cell phone bill.
11.Thoughts of H traveling.
12.The mention of the city and/or state.
Does anyone have a suggestion for getting over the lingerie trigger?
2. The OW's name
3. Family photos taken during time of infidelity. This one is getting better. My H did that compartment thing that men are so famous for *he was not thinking of OW when he was with me or the family . How do they do that? not very flattering to the OW's of the world is it, out of site out of mind. But the same thing happened about me and the family when he was with her, out of site out of mind, but at least that was not that often in our case. Men are weird.
4. Music, TV or movies that glamorizes infidelity.
5. Graduations.
6. The name of part of my city where the OW lived.
7. The name of the company my H worked for at the time.
8. La Quinta Hotels. How cheap can you get? If I ever cheat it is going to be at the Four Season's Hotel, 5 stars all the way. *note: I am not planning on cheating now or ever.
1. Anything related to our marriage. I found our marriage certificate and started bawling.
2. Infidelity in the news
3. Pictures, events, dates that occurred during the 11 week affair.
4. His cellphone
When I found about the affair, I went lingerie shopping myself and bought a ton of things that made me feel beautiful and hot again.
2- Bringing the kids in for dental work. I had to bring DD (then 2yo) in for oral surgery. H 'couldn't make it'. Turns out he wasn't in training, he was visiting XOW2 on the way home.
3- H's car- XOW2 was his commute buddy for most of the A. And he lent it to her the 3mos he was in Iraq.
4- "Hardest Thing" by 98 degrees- XOW1 gave him a CD and told him to give it to her when he no longer loved her. He threw it away- what did that mean?
5- Nickleback's "Far Away"- XOW2 picked it as 'their song'.
Plenty of things that sneak up on me. I know the dental thing did. DD had to have more work done and since we didn't budget for it, I had to use my savings (I'm a SAHM) just like I did during the A.
2. Songs during the time frame of the affair.
3. My birthday
4. Our Anniversary
5. My H mentioning playing flag football "he played with her on our anniversary"
6. Pictures of our vacation one week prior to the affair.
7. The song "Life is beautiful"
8. Clear cinderella high heels "she wore them the first and last time I saw her.
9. The mention of condoms, since my H didn't know what they are when he was screwing her.
10. Watching movies dealing with affairs
Let me think about this and I'll be back.
Last week, I fell and messed up my face. They f..... in our corvette and I was driving into a parking lot, next to a used car lot. A white corvette (like ours)was featured on the corner where I drove into the parking lot where I was going) a restaurant. I messed up my lip the worse, it's not healing(like my heart) and I'm worried it may be infected. I'll keep treating it for a few more days. Hope I don't have to go to the dr.
2. The house we used to live in. (The A spoilt the good memories)
3. The appartment I currently live in, in particular the "room" where the kiss took place.
4. hypocrites of any kind
2. Anytime we go visit his friend (who is the other woman's ex)
3. Everytime I look at the video camera in our bedroom (he videotaped one of their trysts, which is how I found out). It's not the camera he used, but it's the one he told me he used. I knew he used the one I gave him for Valentine's a month before the affair, so I smashed it to bits. I didn't care how much it cost.
4. Anything at all relating to infidelity - on TV, movies, the internet, wherever.
There's more, but can't think of 'em right now
Sex- it's just screwing, a physical need, I haven't 'made love' in nearly 2yrs and still cry occasionally during or after.
2. Superbowl Sunday
3. Our livingroom
4. His Corvette
5. His van
6. His "secret" Yahoo account
7. Her voice on his cell phone (someone get me a BAT!!!!!)
8. The song "Sugar Magnolia" by the Grateful Dead. I used to love this song but it was her ringtone after he hooked up with her because she then liked the Dead too.
9. Magnum condoms
10. Her face every time I see her
11. Her voice every time I hear her
12. So many of OUR favorite restaurants and special places he took her to (make your own damn memories instead of stealing mine for God sake).
13. Kayaking
14. Phoney, skinny, new agey, 50+ year old blondes who think they are enlightened and superior, but who are just pushy, pathetic, man stealing cougars.
I can come up with more but I am getting mad.
2. The city they went to together
3. Places they went in the small town we live in
4. Her work
5. When she's on her cell phone
6. When she's on her laptop
7. Valentine's Day
8. Sometime's just looking at her
Sometimes there are no triggers at all, I just get to thinking and it snowballs into something larger.
2. Hearing the city name where she lives, where they met during A.
3. CarMax --- he co-signed a loan for her there.
4. Disneyland --- went there w/ her.
5. LA ZOO --- went there w/ her (and we went earlier this year, i did not know he went with her at the time)
6. Mention of his friend "Wes" who I am sure knew about the A and cheered him for it.
7. His car --- where they were sitting when I found out. The condo garage too. Luckily we moved and I don't have to pass it everyday.
This list can go on and on and on...