Call people to help. It's what they do; they'll know the best things to say.

don't argue with him and don't look at him in the eyes. don't say anything. protect the head.

I know it's hard but you need to tell people. It's not a healthy situation for your family to be in either.

At least call before going home and see what they have to say.

Compromising our own safety to spare the feelings of others hasn't worked for us here, sad, we can tell you from experience. Call the number Rizen gave you, won't you?

I will call them I promise. I saved the number in my phone. I already told him I was on my way so he is expecting me and I don't want to make him more mad but I will call when he goes to work tomorrow.

911 always works if you lose the number. Don't go back to abusive and toxic situations. You control your life.

Thank everyone for the help. I am walking up my street now but I'll update everyone when I can.

don't save it in your phone. in case he checks your phone.

I promised to update everyone, so here goes. He just left for work, not mad at all! He says he still loves me and he knows that sometimes life gets hard. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about my friend or her mom but that's okay because he says I'm not aloud to hang out with her anymore anyway. I am so glad that he is not mad at me, he really was just worried about how I was feeling when I got home. He said I must have had a really rough day, he didn't even hit me, he cried. I over reacted and I'm sorry if I worried anyone.

manipulative.
don't let your guard down. the punishment will still come.
one lesson learned here. you can only depend on yourself. build on that and forget the friend/mother.

The fact that your friend's mom cares so much may be a way out. Are she and your friend willing to help you get out of the situation and help protect you from the repercussions? It surely isn't easy to leave an abusive situation and takes a lot of courage but suffering through it now could be a lot worse to your health long term.

In an abusive situation, not only does the mind became conditioned to survive in the toxic environment, the body does too. Even when a person leaves the toxic environment, it can take a very long time, if ever, for those chemicals to change their baseline back to a healthy one, often requiring significant levels of medication that have their own side effects. Plus, if you were able to leave now, you would benefit from a still developing brain (aka neuroplasticity; assuming you're under 25) that could drastically help speed up recovery.

This is part of the conditioning being used:

He just left for work, not mad at all!

No not mad because he believes he has you back again...and will always come back since you love the way he loves you...wrong but it will allow him to go to work and leave you until he comes back, it's how he conditioned you with his kind of "love" that is sexual, emotional and psychological abuse.
He says he still loves me and he knows that sometimes life gets hard.
Very likely he went through some similar indoctrination as a child, so this is his normal, now he's making it yours. He put his hands on you in a way that you were conditioned to except, and adding in his friends? he shared his child with them, would you, could you see your self doing the same?

I'm not sure what I'm going to do about my friend or her mom but that's okay because he says I'm not aloud to hang out with her anymore anyway.

Of course you are not allowed, because they have shown you that not all parent child relationships are like what he gave you. You are old enough to compare things; good/ bad, angry/kind, comfort/discomfort...but he is controlling what you have to compare. Incest is the one thing that in history and almost all cultures is found to be detestable. He knows this and chose to use you any way, keeping you in line with a fear of love and hate. Children learn what they see, so he doesn't want you to see other people or situations that will bring to light what he knows is wrong. My fear is how far will he go to keep you separated.
.

:I am so glad that he is not mad at me, he really was just worried about how I was feeling when I got home.

Being mad right now doesn't serve his purpose, being soft and tearful works on natural empathy that a child has ans releases fear of what may come later. But this is all for him, not you. His tears if real are because he was almost exposed to the world that hates a parent that uses a child's trust and love and fear to abuse. He's pretty well honed to his way of doing things, so keeping you is what he will fight the most, no matter how it affects you.



He said I must have had a really rough day, he didn't even hit me, he cried.

See above. Same reason but more enforcement using your emotions and belief to keep you in his reach.

I over reacted and I'm sorry if I worried anyone.

If we believed you it's because we lived it and can see from a distance of time, that which you are in, because you feel you are okay with less than better. You are worth better. It takes the time and other influences he's blocking to see that. A question of help is never an over reaction but a need to understand a "why" The why is in him, you did not do anything but be impressionable, innocent trusting, all the things that small children should get in answer to that is safety, not abuse. He chose his response, based on his knowledge that it wasn't something to do to his baby.

We have been working ourselves out of that same thinking he used to capture you, but has been done so often to us as younger children in some form or another. So we will worry, you reached out and we reached back. We know how hard it is to share this, how long it hurt being silent about this. ...
and how important it is to know you are not alone. Because at some point we were alone with it too.


If you read this far, absorb that we/I learned from experience, father, mother, brothers uncles, step dad and a couple more, (that's just sexual abuse) that I remember too well. So well that I pretty much have blocked time where I was without having to be vigilant in some way or another. I don't have a lot of time in my memories of playing innocently. But I am here and did survive.

The early conditioning has to be worked around, that brain plasticity thing at work. But at first I am usually triggered , draw back and self-care, then I can finally speak as I am now.

So dial those numbers. You know that it takes support to learn anything new, materials, resources etc., (even alnon for teens, which helped me)
Never apologize for what made you question. We will be here as you want.
hugs, support.
J.

I agree with Jewells. Not hitting you is not a sign of love; it's less abuse. Parents normally don't hit their kids and it's illegal to do so at all. Isolating you from your friend is a bad thing too.

I hope you still call. You should get professional support.

sad you don't have to go back. Try calling a crisis line that fits your situation.

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