Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Ever since I have overcome gastritis in June 2012, I have noticed a great change in my personality. I now fear getting sick or ingesting the slightest thing, which is different from how I used to live just one year ago. The more I fear "residue" on my fingers or cleaning up possible debris on counters, the more I hate myself.
My mother and I have been trying to find what this phenomenon could be. Mom believes it may be OCD, I think it could be a fear of being sick.
Then my mother had a theory. In January I was getting constant stomach pains that would show up out of nowhere. While visiting the doctor to diagnose this problem, I was unfortunately laid off due to downsizing. However, I can't help but wonder if it was something else, for the work day before, I had to leave work to see the doctor due to sudden stomach pains. In the back of my mind, I can't help but wonder if I was laid off due to being sick, even though I hardly doubt that since 1) that's illegal isn't it? and 2) I worked there for three years and only got sick once (flu).
It has been about ten months and I am still looking for a job. The longer I search for my next position the more fearful I get of eating something undercooked or ingesting the slightest bit of dirt or chemical. Our house is frequently undergoing construction and renovations, so I am constantly concerned about debris getting into the kitchen or food. Whenever I handle or touch some chemical, I fear eating for hours in fear that I may accidentally ingest said chemical. I am bothering my family by telling them to keep the chemicals away from the kitchen, or don't cook with the kitchen cleaners next to the food. (But it makes sense to fear food next to wood stainer or pans that were next to a spray that deters raccoons and other animals, right?) It also doesn't help that I have a cat and, with her finally no longer going to the vet and her need to lick things when her nose is stuffed due to allergies, I have been watching her a lot closer to make sure she isn't sick. Then again, after two years of owning this cat, I fear scooping her cat box because I fear contracting something. (Not just fecal bacteria, but she was treated for roundworm months ago).
I was not like this a year ago. And I was NEVER like this years ago! I remember in college I picked up animal bones that I found on a nature hike with no problem. And I lived with those bones in my room for years, some of them out in the open on a shelf. Now I'm fearing those said bones in a mason jar and considering throwing them out.
The more I live like this the more I hate myself for it. I just wish I could find a way to live the way I did a year ago, or at least knowing the dangers of life but being fearless of them at the same time. If only I knew what has become of me and how to end this!
But what is even causing this sudden change and how do I fix this? And is this a form of PTSD or should I talk to another forum?
My mother and I have been trying to find what this phenomenon could be. Mom believes it may be OCD, I think it could be a fear of being sick.
Then my mother had a theory. In January I was getting constant stomach pains that would show up out of nowhere. While visiting the doctor to diagnose this problem, I was unfortunately laid off due to downsizing. However, I can't help but wonder if it was something else, for the work day before, I had to leave work to see the doctor due to sudden stomach pains. In the back of my mind, I can't help but wonder if I was laid off due to being sick, even though I hardly doubt that since 1) that's illegal isn't it? and 2) I worked there for three years and only got sick once (flu).
It has been about ten months and I am still looking for a job. The longer I search for my next position the more fearful I get of eating something undercooked or ingesting the slightest bit of dirt or chemical. Our house is frequently undergoing construction and renovations, so I am constantly concerned about debris getting into the kitchen or food. Whenever I handle or touch some chemical, I fear eating for hours in fear that I may accidentally ingest said chemical. I am bothering my family by telling them to keep the chemicals away from the kitchen, or don't cook with the kitchen cleaners next to the food. (But it makes sense to fear food next to wood stainer or pans that were next to a spray that deters raccoons and other animals, right?) It also doesn't help that I have a cat and, with her finally no longer going to the vet and her need to lick things when her nose is stuffed due to allergies, I have been watching her a lot closer to make sure she isn't sick. Then again, after two years of owning this cat, I fear scooping her cat box because I fear contracting something. (Not just fecal bacteria, but she was treated for roundworm months ago).
I was not like this a year ago. And I was NEVER like this years ago! I remember in college I picked up animal bones that I found on a nature hike with no problem. And I lived with those bones in my room for years, some of them out in the open on a shelf. Now I'm fearing those said bones in a mason jar and considering throwing them out.
The more I live like this the more I hate myself for it. I just wish I could find a way to live the way I did a year ago, or at least knowing the dangers of life but being fearless of them at the same time. If only I knew what has become of me and how to end this!
But what is even causing this sudden change and how do I fix this? And is this a form of PTSD or should I talk to another forum?
-
I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
-
I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
I am not in position to diagnose you, but caution you to not jump to an extreme conclusion like PTSD.
You definitely have become sort of phobic in relationship to you gastric problem. Have you ever heard of Conditioned Food Aversion? All people and animals have it - we get a radical dislike for something we associate with having made us sick before (even if that food wasn't the actual cause- like eating nachos when we were coming down w/ stomach flu.). With all the digestive trouble you've had, it is easy to see how such an aversion could uncomfortably generalize.
As for your concern about residue etc., and excessive cleaning, sounds like trying to make yourself feel protected by over doing it, which may be with in the range of OCD, but that comes in some many degrees and CAN often be reversed.
It sounds like you have a lot of insight into your reactions and behaviors, and counseling might help you sort it out further so you will feel less vulnerable.
It is possible to have more than one limited condition that most clearly fit your experience, than to place yourself under the PTSD umbrella.
Don't know if this helped and other hear many interpret your post differently.
I hope you are able to work through this soon.
I don't know if this makes sense to you, but when I heard it, it made sense to me. I had this funny thing about straightening out drawers and cupboards and such. Which is fine, but it was a procrastination thing and so it wasn't always so helpful and also it was kind of boring and compulsive.
I guess it made me feel safe and reassured me that things were predictable? I don't know, but when I viewed the habit just as a relief from worry, it became easier to stop doing it.
As far as your worries about chemicals near food and picking up nasties from the litter box--hey I''m with you there ; ) I guess you'll have to figure out for yourself what feels like "good enough" worry and what feels compulsive. And that answer is different for everyone. Good Luck, hope you find some answers that work for you.
Now that I have my disclaimer in place...
Somewhere in the 80s or 90s I noticed a trend which I am currently calling "The New Free." I first noticed it when the children in my life became teenagers and converted to vegetarianism. It seemed like an overnight transition to OCD with all its rules and demands. Somewhere along the way it picked up the "Free" tag. Gluten Free. MSG Free. Cholesterol Free. Fat Free. Chlorine Free. Fill-in-the-blank Free. Freedom Free.
Just an observation from my personal life... Maybe just proof of my own delusional tendencies...