Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Hello everyone. Excuse me for not having been active lately. Quite honestly, I feel quite uncertain on what to write or say. I find myself between a hard and a rock place.
It's been quite a difficult journey, one that's taken a lot risks but life-affirming, without a doubt. I have started my Spring semester back in college and it feels great to put my feet on solid ground, but Iam anxious in knowing that I feel like the outsider looking in. Maybe, I know i should allow that to be because of my time away, but then, there's a sense of urgency to finish. I have a lot more to lose now and I can't lose hope.
I am feeling all out of sorts and my immune system is weak. I am angry, depleted, and ready to pop at any minute. My parents, my mother in particular, doesn't seem to understand the choices I've made to not only protect my own well-being, but their own as well. My mother allowed my brother to come home and take a shower, pick up some clothes and eat a meal. It was fine the first time he actually asked if he could, while I am absent from home. But then, out of the blue, comes, stalks his ex and then has the courtesy to stay home.
Main point I want to make is: I blamed myself for allowing it to happen once and then, to be assertive with my mother on that, is like trying to force a kid to eat vegetables- it's no use. I knew I shouldn't have. I was told a phrase that stuck with me: " people take politeness as weakness". In this case, It applies. I know I am not weak, but I feel that I've done all that I,could and I can't do nothing more than what I've done.
Nothing feels real. Too surreal for me. When it's time, God will give me the clarity and understanding I need. In the meanwhile, I am doing what's best for me, even if it means leaving people behind. Sounds awkward to say that...
It's been quite a difficult journey, one that's taken a lot risks but life-affirming, without a doubt. I have started my Spring semester back in college and it feels great to put my feet on solid ground, but Iam anxious in knowing that I feel like the outsider looking in. Maybe, I know i should allow that to be because of my time away, but then, there's a sense of urgency to finish. I have a lot more to lose now and I can't lose hope.
I am feeling all out of sorts and my immune system is weak. I am angry, depleted, and ready to pop at any minute. My parents, my mother in particular, doesn't seem to understand the choices I've made to not only protect my own well-being, but their own as well. My mother allowed my brother to come home and take a shower, pick up some clothes and eat a meal. It was fine the first time he actually asked if he could, while I am absent from home. But then, out of the blue, comes, stalks his ex and then has the courtesy to stay home.
Main point I want to make is: I blamed myself for allowing it to happen once and then, to be assertive with my mother on that, is like trying to force a kid to eat vegetables- it's no use. I knew I shouldn't have. I was told a phrase that stuck with me: " people take politeness as weakness". In this case, It applies. I know I am not weak, but I feel that I've done all that I,could and I can't do nothing more than what I've done.
Nothing feels real. Too surreal for me. When it's time, God will give me the clarity and understanding I need. In the meanwhile, I am doing what's best for me, even if it means leaving people behind. Sounds awkward to say that...
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
Good to hear from you again. You're always such an earnest seeker, it's always a pleasure to give you support. You always take it to heart and report back progress from it. Like when you went to court. Now college. A real blessing.
College is a challenge, especially when you're doing it with PTSD and have a sense that's there's a lot to lose if you fail. Try not to be too hard on yourself, and I say that as a college instructor who teaches with PTSD.
On the subject of what's going on within your family with your brother and your mom, I know about politeness being taken as weakness in my family, too. So lots of support is being sent your way as you seek the balance between strength in your dealings, and not being disrespectful in a way that makes you feel like you're causing harm.
Be well, Kat.
Muji
Good to know that you are able to put yourself first now. Your right, it does feel very surreal for a while.
As you get more comfortable in your "independent" skin, it won't sound or feel as awkward as it does now.
Sounds like you are on the right track. Good for you!
~Cindy
I think everybody feels like an outsider in college. If I have been reading Muji right, even the professors go through bouts of that. Posting here seems to help him through it.
Welcome back.
ANd I'll echo, courtesy is often seen as weakness---but only by bullies and the weak, IMHO---so stay courteous but firm, get that balance, and as I am reminded twice weekly by my therapist: It is okay to do what you have to do to protect yourself and your psyche. You can do it. And it's not your "failure", it's just a sticky spot, as Arfie said. My elderly mom lives with me so it's a three adult household, with one who is used to being the matriarch (Mom) and I can sympathize a little with that whole balancing act.
Cheers from
Leo
Good to great the school choice, an investment in yourself. That will give you returns in the long run. I am in a constant fight with my PTSD reactions there but the outcome will be worth it. If I last that long. If nothing else most of the people, students and teachers there, are there by choice, so the vibes are mostly positive. It helps me with boundaries. Those are easy when no one is around much more challenging in the larger groups. Bat at least the groups are of the same mind in thinking.
Moms seem to be the problem lately. Either the after effects or current effects. If you are living with mom, in her house there really is only one ruler, her. Let her know that you can't deal with his being there, it upsets you so much it makes you sick. Could she give you a heads up if she knows he is stopping by. That he is toxic to your well being, feeling like physical torture when you are forced to be around him. Since it can make you feel like throwing up with what it does to your nerves.
But if you are there only periodically, let her know that you can't be in the same place at the same time as brother with or without his brigade.
Call first, then if it happens unexpectedly tell her goodbye and leave.
There is something about the baby and the bathwater in there. Mom's the baby, brother the dirty bathwater.
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Jewells