Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Today, I am not setting a goal. Today I feel that if I set a goal, my brain will hijack me from it, as it so often does. I can reach basic daily goals like work. But, when it comes to fun - I am lethargic and in bed, instead of enjoying my semi-retired life.
I have little or no energy left to fight this battle against PTSD. I have little energy left to "manage" it. I am 68. I am grieving the losses that PTSD gouged and forced into my life. I grieve the losses that I suffered as a result of child and adolescent abuse. I am grieving not having found love. I am grieving not having a home of my own, and living in a rented room after all of my years of hard work, and taking the right steps. I have spent so much money on therapy that did not bring healing from this awful illness. That was one of my goals, to heal from PTSD. I learned a lot of tools to "manage" it, but the lethargy haunts me still, after 56 years, and the adrenal burn out because of the abuses exhausts me.
This is where I am at today, and I know its not pretty. I used to be able to "do" something about it, but today I am stuck - in bed, watching happy things on Netflix. This is what I wanted to do: visit my grandchildren, go for a walk. But I can't move.
Also, I need to pack up my meager belongings and move. Housing costs where I live are out of sight, and anything I can afford does not exist. My children are in the area, and I don't want to leave the relationships i have here, to get out of this living situation. I NEED my own home, and I am unable to supply it for myself. I am frustrated and angry.
Tomorrow I will get up, get dressed, eat something, and go to work. I will come home. I will eat something and go to bed. This will happen Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. The rest of the time is spent leashed to my bed because I can't move. When I am not at work, my body goes into an exhausted lethargy.
I am unable to find any solutions to my housing circumstances. I was unable to find a loving relationship outside that of my children, who are now gone and living very successfull and beautiful lives of their own. I was the single parent who helped them. Why can't I help myself?
I am out of ideas. After I work hard all week, i want to have some fun, and I know the PTSD that is holding me down. A normal person woudn't be doing this.
Does anyone else feel like this, or am I the only one?
I have little or no energy left to fight this battle against PTSD. I have little energy left to "manage" it. I am 68. I am grieving the losses that PTSD gouged and forced into my life. I grieve the losses that I suffered as a result of child and adolescent abuse. I am grieving not having found love. I am grieving not having a home of my own, and living in a rented room after all of my years of hard work, and taking the right steps. I have spent so much money on therapy that did not bring healing from this awful illness. That was one of my goals, to heal from PTSD. I learned a lot of tools to "manage" it, but the lethargy haunts me still, after 56 years, and the adrenal burn out because of the abuses exhausts me.
This is where I am at today, and I know its not pretty. I used to be able to "do" something about it, but today I am stuck - in bed, watching happy things on Netflix. This is what I wanted to do: visit my grandchildren, go for a walk. But I can't move.
Also, I need to pack up my meager belongings and move. Housing costs where I live are out of sight, and anything I can afford does not exist. My children are in the area, and I don't want to leave the relationships i have here, to get out of this living situation. I NEED my own home, and I am unable to supply it for myself. I am frustrated and angry.
Tomorrow I will get up, get dressed, eat something, and go to work. I will come home. I will eat something and go to bed. This will happen Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. The rest of the time is spent leashed to my bed because I can't move. When I am not at work, my body goes into an exhausted lethargy.
I am unable to find any solutions to my housing circumstances. I was unable to find a loving relationship outside that of my children, who are now gone and living very successfull and beautiful lives of their own. I was the single parent who helped them. Why can't I help myself?
I am out of ideas. After I work hard all week, i want to have some fun, and I know the PTSD that is holding me down. A normal person woudn't be doing this.
Does anyone else feel like this, or am I the only one?
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
The next is ...give yourself your credit due.
You have accomplished a lot and still working? wow.
Many here including myself have had that different childhood not found in fairy tales. So on that there will be understanding. PTSD draining energy for other things in life...
yep, you will also find many that can understand that too.
I am not at your age yet, but not so far behind and even without PTSD i would not be able to have a full day of work. But I am a student, that is what provides my outside input uses my energy and resources. I lost my home after my husband died from cancer, so I do understand the loss of home and trying to find livable conditions on a meager budget. This group supported me and inspired me on my new path.
More as we go along, but there are some great people here.
Jewell
That really spoke for me. I used to have a chaplaincy career at a big city hospital until PTSD took me and the rest of my health down in another crash in 2011. I ended up with 60% kidney loss and lost my career and my fiancee left me, so I live alone now. When I get home from work I have 2 or 3 hour naps because I'm exhausted like you say you are and then I post here at DS PTSD for an hour and go to bed.
Once a month or so I force myself to go out alone to the big city and go do something, even though it takes all my energy and I have to pinch pennies for it. I got a $20 ticket and went to a comedy club by myself on Friday night. It'll be a while, but I'll go to something like that again come Thanksgiving, because I don't have family to spend it with.
I live in a small city now and I've been teaching community college death and dying courses to nursing students. I've asked myself often why I ended up teaching about that one death and dying grief work part of my hospital career and not the other parts. I think you finally said it for me. I'm 57 years old, and I teach grieving because I'm grieving.
It doesn't give me back what I lost, but it does 2 important things: it helps me understand what I'm doing now, and it helps me know I'm not alone in having a grieving response to PTSD. It makes sense to me now that you put it the way you did here. I'm sorry we're both in the same boat because, boy, do I ever know how bad it feels. But thanks for sharing; it means a lot to me.
I'm sorry you're struggling so badly. I've never owned a house but it is a goal of mine and I too would be very hurt and frustrated over this situation. The closest I've been is that my husband and I have moved several times for his job, moved to a less expensive place because he couldn't stay in one job long enough for us to feel secure with finances and finally this last move was after he asked me for a divorce because he did't want to deal with the PTSD that he caused me. That amount of moving created a lot of unrest, distrust of a situation and much more that isn't necessary to discuss now. I too work despite the PTSD and it is very good for me. Even when I'm stressed about a work project or deciding if a new friend is trustworthy with my "secret pain" the work is good. Sometimes I need a nap after work. Sometimes I need to be active and physical to help burn off nervous energy. Sometimes I need to disconnect, not dissociate, but disconnect with Netflix myself. I don't have family where I am but if I did I would visit them often. I do hope you feel better and I encourage you to see your children if you can manage it. I'm sure they would love to see you too. Gentle support.
Thank you so very much for your helping words and support. It all greatly helped. I am new here, and feeling the effects of having told some of my story of the collateral damage PTSD caused me, has lightened things up a lot for today. Thank you for being here. You really helped me! Most of all I don't feel so alone, isolated, or hopeless anymore for now.
Thanks again for your time and concern! urban
"That really spoke for me. I used to have a chaplaincy career at a big city hospital until PTSD took me and the rest of my health down in another crash in 2011."
I know these crashes you speak of. Several times I have "watched" them while they happen to me. One time I wound up under my desk in a fetal position. Another time, while teaching a composition class, I could not, I mean - I absolutely was unable - to alphabetize a list of items. What a scare. Those were some of the lighter episodes. Other times this illness has crashed my life out completely, right in front of my eyes.
Therapy helped me learn tools to manage these crashes. Yet to this day, they happen. Maybe they are rarely 100 ft tidal waves any more, and now I can see them coming (triggers), but they are still 50 feet, and start further away. They still happen. They still crash. I go under, come up, do damge control, and go on.
Sometimes I have to call in sick which infuriates me, because I am not physically ill, I am mentally ill which was caused by forces outside of myself. But I know somethng of what you are feeling.
I hate going out socially alone. It hurts too much, so I just don't do it. It exhausts me to even think about it. Also, I resent being single, while, I would NOT wish myself on any potential love interest or partner. So, I stay single and out of romantic relationships which can make me feel really crazy - a sign it's not a healthy relationship, or me, a healthy person.
On and on this vicousness goes, ebbing and flowing, in and out, trying to stay my course, failing, then trying again.
In my own strictly personals, I never made any sustainable progress against my mental illness until I quit fighting it. I believe, more and more, that I have a true warrior nature. I even have an honorable discharge to feed the delusion. Viet Nam Era. When it comes to fighting the demons of my PTSD, I mostly break my own bones in the battle. Girl, howdy, I know how to pack a punch. . .
But that is me. Every PTSD journey is unique. Gentle support while you sort your own.
Welcome to the forum, urban.
I discovered this website, DS, by accident on Sunday, after searching for something like it for years. From the moment people started writing back, a have felt truthfully better. Thank you so very much for your supportive comments.