hello mich. welcome to our humble virtual community.

half a century into my own recovery from child sex trafficking, i still haven't found a psychotherapy tool which works the first time, every time. leaning heavily on my therapy support network helps tremendously in figuring out how, where and when to fine tune. my pros have been quite helpful, but the collective of my therapy peers have far more practical experience in how to manage symptoms for the long haul.

welcome to ds. i hope you find stabilizing companionship here.

Welcome to the board Mich.... There is a good group on here... Other's with CPTSD

My story:

When I was 5 I met this family with a son that had Down Syndrome.......He had a sister, But, what he wanted most was a little brother, (we are 10 yr's apart) He understood what a big brother's role was, we would be playing video games. He would gloat cause he won,........I should of had a clue then, But, I was so young, I didn't understand what was going on. I would go upstairs and try to tell his dad, What his son was doing, was making me feel uncomfortable, I would hear "You know we don't do that in this house"
Fastforward to when I was entering puberty, His dad would come over (His son's name is Keith) His dad would say Keith says this about this, Keith says that about that, Is that true?? Well, If keith didn't like my answer, His parents would bring him over, unannounced, to tell me what he though, And it got pretty heated, To the point he would lunge at me, Like he was going to hurt me, If his dad wasn't there, He would have, Part of them "Humoring" him, Then he would take something of mine, his father would tell him "No, that's David's" Keith would pout, And that's how he got what he wanted, To make matters worse, He would then sit me down and gloat and taunt with it.
Then make me follow him upstairs, His mother was up there, so he could boast To add more insult to injury..

There have been times he would see me doing something, that he didn't understand or I played music that he didn't like, I would hear it. He's always had the Idea......I'm older, I have to show You, You can't know, But I have to.

That's when I knew, he thought we were brothers.

As a result of ALL this, his Father has gotten me job's cause he felt so bad about all of this.

I did seek help ,
at betterhelp.com that counsellor was no help, All she said was, to not let these people invade my mind/thoughts, and gave me the "I" statement's If You've head of them, IE: I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH THIS,
I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS........ETC

Sorry about the longwinded response, Hope I didn't bore You

PS, With PTSD, I think it makes it hard to trust anyone, including Therapists

Arfie- thank you for your response. I’m so sorry to hear your story- you’re amazing, although you probably don’t feel it.

SunCloudJD, thank you for your warm welcome. I’m really looking forward to getting to know you

Guitarman79, I think we are the same age. I am also a ‘79 baby (February). Nice to meet you. Thank you for sharing your story with me- no need to apologise. Say whatever you want to get off your chest

My flashbacks are really bad at the moment- how are you all feeling?

HI MICH,

Nice to meet You!

I was actually born in 76, I have Cerebral palsy, And it makes my hand over-shoot, So, when I was going for the 6, I hit the 9. So, I just left it.......But, were 3 yr's apart.

Yah, everytime I'm here, I tell people that story. I'm replaying it all from when all this started 40 some yr's ago. It only just began to escalate 35YR'S ago

This Guy's Dad, did get me job's just so he didn't have to talk about it, And I stopped thinking about it, Until just three years ago........His sister asked me to post a video of me playing guitar, And I just know she's gonna show it to him, And he get's very upset if......He sees me doing something he can't, or is not able to do, And he confronts me.

For me, the flashbacks are awful.......They come and go.

Guitarman79
Well, you weren’t far off! Lol
I’m glad you felt able to share your story. I think one of the worst things is walking around, feeling like you should come with your own “Trigger Warning” sign. Keep being you!
I’m sorry about your flashbacks being such an intrusion- I completely understand that! I really hope they ease up soon!

My story
I was emotionally abused by my dad and then raped as a 15 year old virgin, by a 35 year old man that followed me from a pub. Then, I nearly died of Anorexia, at 17, as I thought being anorexic would stop it from happening again. I’m recovery, I met a guy that I thought worshipped the ground I walked on. We got married and had two children. He was violent and abusive and I escaped to a refuge. I started my primary teaching career and raised my two young children without any involvement from their dad. Ended up in ANOTHER abusive relationship, and he left me in debt and I lost my job, plummeting further into an abyss. I was finally diagnosed with CPTSD last year and am recovering through self care, a great therapist and trying to put my life back together. My children are now in their 20’s and I’m SO proud of them!

Hi all! How has your day been?

guitar man.. I have ptsd too. In my recovery journey due to therapy and educating myself I lost a lot of trust too including in the health care field. I understand.

Hi Dani.
How are you today?

Welcome, Mich. I retired from 40 years of teaching 2 years ago, so I really relate to your being a teacher. One of the subjects I taught was literature, so I'm curious about the "Narrative Exposure Therapy" you mention. Can you say more?

Mich,
Thx for telling me Your story,
Sorry for what You went through.........This world and people are not so nice sometimes.

But, we are all nice people here, Mulji and Suncloud and MID help me with my issue, So, were all here to help.


And this guy I was telling You.......do You know anything about Down Syndrome, or heard of it? I am trying to piece things together myself , About DS and PTSD.

Anyway, This guy was verbally abusive to me for a few Years,, But, I don't think there's much You can do about that......cause mental folks, don't have that concept of right and wrong.

This guy would come over speaking gibberish and screaming at me. To the point of Studdering My name.

All this cause he didn't have a little brother....That's gotta hurt for him, wanting someone to be jealous of and look up to him.

Hi mujicaptsd!
I really miss teaching- I worked holidays and weekends and would be the first person at work and the last one to leave. I taught young children and I still see some that have grown up and they say how much of a difference I made to their lives. They really looked after me during Covid and left me care packages on my doorstep and stuff!
In regard to the Narrative Exposure Therapy, it is based on a timeline of rocks and roses- rocks are the difficult things and roses are the pleasant things, and it includes talking about these events. My therapist tries lots of techniques with me and although I have been in and out of therapy since I was 16, I actually feel completely able to open up with my current therapist and she does lots of research into trauma, which supports me. It’s very intense and takes a really long time, but this is the first time I’ve ever been able to go back to the beginning and I realised such a lot about things that I never thought of before. It’s very hard to get regular therapy here- she has put me in her will and sees me at a seriously reduced rate. I had terrible memory problems and was unable to talk about some things but I actually feel like I’m doing much better compared to 2020. Writing really helps too. There’s something called The Daily Practice which is writing your fears and resentments, followed by meditation. Look up the Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube. I keep trying things- you never know what works, and sometimes, the usual just won’t do, so it’s good to have loads of resources to reach for.
PTSD Coach is a great app with lots of resources for when you’re experiencing flashbacks.
I’m glad to be part of this group, and I hope we can all support each other through this tough condition x