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"Forgive and Forget" was my mother's favorite mantra for the entire 16 years I knew her. I speculate that it is the very mechanism of my "Trauma Induced Amnesia." I forgot with extreme efficiency.
Forgive? Who needs to forgive what you can forget? In my own strictly personals, true forgiveness begs the warmth of remembrance. The peace and serenity of forgiving are sublime. It is not an invitation to use me as a public toilet once more. It is allowing healing strength to cover beleaguered wounds. The relief is beyond measure.
Whether or not the offending party is to have a renewed place in my life is a different discussion, altogether. Often, forgiveness still points to an "Exit" sign. Incompatibility happens. No need for blame, etc. Ammonia and bleach simply do not belong in the same bottle.
Just me. Just a patient.
And you?
Open discussion here. No such thing as "Off-Topic" on this one. Ranting allowed.
Forgive? Who needs to forgive what you can forget? In my own strictly personals, true forgiveness begs the warmth of remembrance. The peace and serenity of forgiving are sublime. It is not an invitation to use me as a public toilet once more. It is allowing healing strength to cover beleaguered wounds. The relief is beyond measure.
Whether or not the offending party is to have a renewed place in my life is a different discussion, altogether. Often, forgiveness still points to an "Exit" sign. Incompatibility happens. No need for blame, etc. Ammonia and bleach simply do not belong in the same bottle.
Just me. Just a patient.
And you?
Open discussion here. No such thing as "Off-Topic" on this one. Ranting allowed.
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
And yeah, too, to welcoming Tusi back! Yay!
I do knot know, I only believe that anger is the baddest, most blinding and most consuming of my inner bad girls.
The catch for me is that even though I can put that toward another person, I still struggle, I developed as I did based on the experiences I've had in life, so even if I'm not pointing fingers & raging, I still bear the full weight & pain of what happened.
Maybe my version of forgiveness feels like some version of defeat on my end, I'm not sure. As though it's done, it can't be undone, the house is burned down, might as well just get on with sweeping up the ashes. But the house is still burned down. I still don't have anywhere to live, I don't feel safe, I find it hard to live...but I hope the arsonist is fine.
Perhaps I'm doing it wrong
With all the controversy that explodes around this particular F-word, I often think the most common definition of "Forgiveness" is, "A concept I have had and/or witnessed brutal arguments over." That doesn't ply in my own case. Aside from my mother's use of the "Forgive and Forget" mantra, it was not a common concept in my own childhood conditioning. Forgiveness is not hot topic in kiddie whorehouses. If it wasn't for its role in my own amnesia, I doubt it would have been much of an issue in my own mind.
I opine that you shouldn't be afraid of establishing your own definition. Forgiveness is as personal as it gets. Got nothing to do with dogma or criminals looking for pardon.