Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I was the designated scapegoat in my dysfunctional family system from childhood through age 52 as an adult, so I know the bitterness of unfair dysfunctional family disappointment. I was an honors student when I lived at home, and when I went to college I got a rare Fulbright Scholarship which would have made any parent proud.
But I got nothing but criticism and ridiculous attacks on my credibility instead. The weirdest was when I got an actual beating in high school when I got home from starring in the school play. Not the usual parent's response to their kids' success. Most parents would cheer their kid from the sidelines for things like pitching a good Little League baseball game. Not mine.
My dad happened by my bedroom one night when I was in high school and asked me what homework I was working on. I mentioned the author I was reading for my high school teacher's homework assignment. He didn't like that author, so believe it or not, I got another beating--beating for doing my homework. Most parents would be glad their kid did his homework. Not mine.
It never stopped through adulthood. No matter how many coping skills I acquired in my therapy, all they did with that was use it to twist it around to say that I was in therapy because I was the only crazy person in the family. It showed it was never going to change with them, never. So as many of you know, after I got punched in the face for nothing by my 80 year father at Christmas 6 years ago, I quit going back for more. I started coming here to DS PTSD instead.
Now I try to show appropriate kinds of care to people who don't get it from their loved ones because I know what it's like. A student of mine was pregnant throughout the class she took from me this Spring semester. Last night I ran into her by chance at the grocery store. She showed me a photo of her new baby, and I said to bring her by school today, since it's the last day of summer school, to show her baby off to us.
Turns out her baby's father ran out on her 6 weeks before the baby was born, so there's no guy that's held the baby and made a fuss. So I held the 3 week old baby and I was the one who made a fuss.
I guess what it shows is that some of us don't get the family we deserve, but we choose other people and make our own family of support anyway. Like when we come here and support each other on DS PTSD.
Does anybody else here at DS PTSD have this "family" of choice as their support or is it just me?
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
be wounded over and over again. Once they see you as a target, that's it. The scapegoating never stops. Only thing to do is to distance.
Here's its official definition:
"Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics."
http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency
As your username includes the word serenity, a term often used in AA and Alanon support groups, that last part of the definition concerning how it was identified in alcoholics may be noteworthy to you.
In my case, I did in fact do what you say and separate from my family of origin at age 30 for many years. You ask why I went back, and it was in search of "closure," something that's pretty common to look for. I wrote in my initial post when my father was 80. It seemed by that age that if he hadn't changed and I couldn't get "closure," at least he was too old to carry out any more abuse.
He wasn't, obviously, and I got a punch instead of "closure." He didn't pack much of a punch at age 80 like he had when I was a kid. It was still the same old abuse, though, so "closure" or "no closure" I estranged myself from him for good anyway.
About staying with abusive families too long, sure enough, another member posted today saying they had that problem, too.
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/discussion/tw-but-you-let-him-abuse-you
Maybe we need more threads here on DS PTSD on the topic of healing from codependency.
Unintelligent losers would be a better description. Why the hell have kids? So that the kids stick around to wipe their a** when they get old?
This article sums it up well....
https://byregion.byregion.net/articles-healers/Scapegoating.html
So after losing all that were important and being left with those that made me a scapegoat. Incidents and birth order didn't help, or birth as the story began. But I am here.
This place DS has brought me friends and family of choice in the 4 plus years here. You have inspired and supported me in the healing and learning. Always a work in progress.
Hugs to all and Mi Amigo.
J.