Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Hello everyone.
I am sorry I have not been around here lately. It doesn't mean I excuse myself, but there's been a lot of trouble in the home front.
First of all, there is no right word to summarize what's been happen. On top of my PTSD, my depression has been quite aggressive and I feel like a complete mess. I don't know if God is punishing me, but it feels like I am being scolded for things I did not cause. Lately, I've been surrounded by liars- my parents- who have been sticking their neck out more than usual foe my brother. He has been bringing dirty secrets that are bringing weight, more than necessary, upon my parents. He has been staying lately almost every night at home and has brought back old habits and even worse at home. I am mediating between my parent's/my safety versus my brother. They feel uneasy about having him here, but then my presence brings them some sort of comfort and safety
Not only has this brought more weight upon the family, but it has caused my symptoms to flare quite a bit. I am caught in the dance, " 1 step forward, 2 steps back" kind of dance. I am stuck and there is no official moral support that I need. I am caught in between the hairs and I have no strength(physical, psychological) to keep fighting losing battles. I have done what I've needed to do to bring back the essentials I need to move forward and heal, but then my own life is compromised.
A lot of bad news, I know, but great things have been happening personally, in the Auxiliary and relationship wise with people that matter. I include my school as well, but I think I am deteriorating inside while I am thrown to wolves. I've been pressing forward, career-wise and want to move forward, where God wants me to be but I think it's more than enough. I've already been through the worst; why should there be more trouble when it can be avoided?
I can really use your prayers, words of wisdom, strength, jokes as well. I am stretched quite thin, I have a hard time breathing, in all the sense of the word. God has not left me alone, but I think that something has to give.
Can anyone relate to this PTSD dance? Cha, cha, cha...
Psalm38.
I am sorry I have not been around here lately. It doesn't mean I excuse myself, but there's been a lot of trouble in the home front.
First of all, there is no right word to summarize what's been happen. On top of my PTSD, my depression has been quite aggressive and I feel like a complete mess. I don't know if God is punishing me, but it feels like I am being scolded for things I did not cause. Lately, I've been surrounded by liars- my parents- who have been sticking their neck out more than usual foe my brother. He has been bringing dirty secrets that are bringing weight, more than necessary, upon my parents. He has been staying lately almost every night at home and has brought back old habits and even worse at home. I am mediating between my parent's/my safety versus my brother. They feel uneasy about having him here, but then my presence brings them some sort of comfort and safety
Not only has this brought more weight upon the family, but it has caused my symptoms to flare quite a bit. I am caught in the dance, " 1 step forward, 2 steps back" kind of dance. I am stuck and there is no official moral support that I need. I am caught in between the hairs and I have no strength(physical, psychological) to keep fighting losing battles. I have done what I've needed to do to bring back the essentials I need to move forward and heal, but then my own life is compromised.
A lot of bad news, I know, but great things have been happening personally, in the Auxiliary and relationship wise with people that matter. I include my school as well, but I think I am deteriorating inside while I am thrown to wolves. I've been pressing forward, career-wise and want to move forward, where God wants me to be but I think it's more than enough. I've already been through the worst; why should there be more trouble when it can be avoided?
I can really use your prayers, words of wisdom, strength, jokes as well. I am stretched quite thin, I have a hard time breathing, in all the sense of the word. God has not left me alone, but I think that something has to give.
Can anyone relate to this PTSD dance? Cha, cha, cha...
Psalm38.
-
I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
-
I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
Sigh...
I was thrilled to read the part about your progress in school and your personal relationships. That sounds allot more constructive than letting yourself get caught up in family drama that you have no control over. Hope you can keep your focus there and trust your brother and parents to work out their own solutions.
Welcome back Kat. You were missed, but no excuses necessary.
Relate? You kidding? My PTSD means my elderly mom living with me has had to find out stuff (and only some of it b/c I would NEVER do that to her, I have my anger issues but I don't inflict emotional harm if I can help it).... and for some reason she and my hubby do not speak directly to each other except in direst emergency so I feel like Wstern-Freaking-Union delivering messages back and forth. Seriously? But she intimidates him and she sees him as Busy Head of Household (thanks, Ma, wth am I?) and....
Yeah. Ba-dum-dum-dum-dum... skid-slip-crunch.... up again try again.
Honestly, if your brother is a threat to your parents' well-being? That's a situation for professionals. IMHO. I come from a long line of people who "keep it in the family"----which explains why that family is so toxic---and I agree with Arfie. Focus on YOU and what's giving you stregnth. Because you've got a lot of great things going, and that's wonderful!
I struggle with this a lot b/c I was my mom's main support a lot of years in the emotional sense (and now financial as well in her old age) so.... I know. One two cha cha wah.... whoops....
Hugs and wishes for healing,
Leo
You have a choice in this, whether they like it or not. Do things that are healthy for you, not things they want you to do to keep this situation going. It's hard to step off, but once you do, you'll find some peace.
For reasons of financial stability and your own personality your parents are comfortable with you since you share their home and cover your own care. But the brother? why he came home is there is whats the wrench right now.
I know it's easy to say move, but that really is the only solution for you.
Your parents have lived a lot longer than you, and they are very aware of the son they raised. Though they too have no control of His free will, but can put him out. Don't think that they are just puppets in this game. The only thing right now is they are using you as a buffer. So you need to have a private sit down with them only and do the best you can to explain how this added pressure is effecting you. Thank them for their support, but let them know the effect his constant presence and actions are having on you. If you are making it enough on your own to afford a place then seriously look for another. He is there son too, but they may not like him being around if you are not there to take up the slack.So they will have to decide what "their" free will can do.
Let him know that he may visit, but not stay, or hug you and let you go.
This could go very well or very bad, but either way you will get some relief.He is their son and they may feel guilty because of how he has turned out and want to give him shelter...that's a parent thing. "No matter how bad he is still their child", as you are.
But would they want him there with them if it meant you leaving?
I don't believe God does this stuff to punish anyone, but I do know some churches and do preach that. The fire and brimstone, we are born of sin and must spend the rest of our life making up for that....forgetting the part that he loves us all, and made us beings of choices, knowing we will falter. Each different congregation uses the parts they want, or adjusts them to fit.
Palm 38 was only part of a song, that begins much earlier, so taken out of context it it can be discouraging, reading from the earlier 36, 37 shows that it is meant more for those like your brother that are now bereft for their own life's actions.
I hope you use the free will given you and the strength you have that was given you to choose.
Hugs Jewells.