Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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Being abused in childhood, impacted my mind permanently. I am not saying this abuse rules my mind but it will at least lay dormant until I die.
Happiness was impossible, imminent danger lived inside my home and I was his only target.
Survival and shame dominated my thoughts, helped formulate my unworthy self image and destroyed my nervous system.
I always knew something was wrong, like I was flawed, unworthy, not like other people.
Then one day in my 50’s a family crisis ignited my childhood trauma. It was alive, bringing that terrifying jolt to my solar plexus, cortisol and adrenaline, PTSD’s scare drugs.
Took me 6 years to heal or improve, for the suffering to curtail and life to have a little lightness, some contentment.
When I improved or healed, the suffering dissipated, the intrusive thoughts lost power without attention.
For 60 years I enjoyed momentary joy from accomplishments, however happiness was a stranger.
To heal or improve, I had dedicated five hours a day to meditating and healing.
On this journey, while entering into mundane tasks, (a mindful practice) I found happy moments.
Moments free of any deadline or time apparatus, where thought had curtailed, where things unfolded naturally.
These moments calmed my being beyond any prior feeling.
Looking at nature one day, I saw perfection, was it out of body or was I just one with it?
I believe if I can find some happiness, then you can also.
It is not easy, it takes courage and daily action.
Thoughts?
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The weeks seem to fly by!Happy Saturday to everyoneI hope that the weekend brings some chill time and barbecuesDoes it take others what seems like forever to add a comment on the boards?I'm okay everywhere else except boards..Everywhere else adds normally but it's annoyingly slow!Have a great Saturday and do something nice for you!!Big hug...xo
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I'm feeling down,, and got alot on my mind right now. I got grief going on, on top my depression and anxiety and now I got to worry about somewhere to live since I can't afford living here since my mom passed. So many bad things have happened since my mom passed. One thing after another it seems. Yesterday our fence fell from a storm that hit, had to call someone to prop it up. Thank...
I learned to distinguish happy from content a long time ago, during some counseling in the early 1990s. It was this crazy notion to me --- but then I realized that a low level of daily security and warmth and happiness is *contentment*, and trying to be truly fully happy full-time would be exhausting. That's just y experience.
Just... keep taking one step at a time?
I think happiness is a way of being a way of living
Like you say in the moment
Happiness is internal
Fir me happiness is not around when my cognitive engine is running
Much of our issues are due to this thing we create
Called ego
Ego is never equal to another ego
Our ego is the one who doubts worries and fears
No one can beat me up better then me at least psychologically
It truly is impossible for me to believe any of the good stuff.... I can remember things I did wrong 50 years ago and it seems pathetic but it is what it is
My negative thinking about myself is always there and yet someone else that's done the exact same thing as I have done I have compassion for
"Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" is a well-known phrase in the United States Declaration of Independence. The phrase gives three examples of the "unalienable rights" which the Declaration says have been given to all humans by their creator, and which governments are created to protect.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life,_Liberty_and_the_pursuit_of_Happiness#:~:text=%22Life%2C%20Liberty%20and%20the%20pursuit,governments%20are%20created%20to%20protect.
That doesn't speak for me, though, because I was raised as a missionary kid in Mexico and Uruguay. Extreme poverty in Mexico and civil war in Uruguay left me without a sense that the pursuit of happiness was my birthright. In Mexico starvation was a bigger issue around me and in Uruguay surviving as a civilian dodging bombs and bullets in the midst of 6 years of combat was paramount. That's what brought me to DS PTSD in the first place.
I suppose my answer, then, is to ask how low your bar is as to what you're happy with. Mine is low. I am happy that I have no concern about starving now in the USA. I am happy that though there are political problems in the USA, I have yet to dodge any bullets or bombs here. Next July I get to retire back to Mexico where I grew up, and I'm really happy about that.
I'm divorced, though, because that low bar for happiness was not shared when I got married in the USA, so I understand that low bar is not shared by everybody. I became a Spanish instructor from 1980 on in my life in the USA to stay connected to Mexico and Uruguay, returning constantly to them from the USA every year. I was always able to compare how lucky I was living in the USA from 1980 until now, but that didn't hold for others.
I understand and I grieve being divorced, but I'm still happy.
We kind of define what happiness is for each of us.
But happiness is an internal way of living
My happiness happened when I was not cognitively engaged in thought , judgment, worry or doubt.
My childhood abuse has impacted my happiness.
I will never be happy to lucky or a big trusting person at home in a crowd of strangers.
That is never going to happen.
As you I have learned to be fine with very little, I have few expectations and try to stay in this moment.