Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
hi everybody,
i'm trying to write a post for my website about gaslighting, and trying to come up with examples to really snap it into technicolor. here's what i have so far:
Gaslighting is saying something and un-saying it at the same time. Gaslighting is "I didn't hurt your feelings when I spent your birthday with a hooker in Vegas, you just have impossible standards."
"I'm not a liar because you just caught me in a lie. I just made a series of statements you interpreted to be lies because you live in a world of tangible evidence and continuity. You have trust issues."
"I didn't do that, I didn't think that, I didn't say that.
You didn't do that, you didn't think that, you didn't say that."
"You're not hurt, you're just crazy."
"You're not unhappy, you're just crazy."
"You're not crazy, you're just a terrible person who feels sorry for themselves."
"Just because I had my hand on her ass doesn't mean I'm cheating, you're just a jealous person."
"I don't understand why you're mad that I heard you having an asthma attack so I pretended to be asleep on the couch."
anyone have others? warning, i will steal the crap out of them and put them in my post.
thanks!
i'm trying to write a post for my website about gaslighting, and trying to come up with examples to really snap it into technicolor. here's what i have so far:
Gaslighting is saying something and un-saying it at the same time. Gaslighting is "I didn't hurt your feelings when I spent your birthday with a hooker in Vegas, you just have impossible standards."
"I'm not a liar because you just caught me in a lie. I just made a series of statements you interpreted to be lies because you live in a world of tangible evidence and continuity. You have trust issues."
"I didn't do that, I didn't think that, I didn't say that.
You didn't do that, you didn't think that, you didn't say that."
"You're not hurt, you're just crazy."
"You're not unhappy, you're just crazy."
"You're not crazy, you're just a terrible person who feels sorry for themselves."
"Just because I had my hand on her ass doesn't mean I'm cheating, you're just a jealous person."
"I don't understand why you're mad that I heard you having an asthma attack so I pretended to be asleep on the couch."
anyone have others? warning, i will steal the crap out of them and put them in my post.
thanks!
I didn't mean it the way it sounded. You're just too seneitive.
COh I thought it was ur other foot that was hurt."... after smacking my injured foot and causing me to jerk and say ouch 5 times! Oh and adding "I would never hurt you on purpose" really??
I thought of another: "You always look after number one!"
Said hatefully in my face by my father when I simply asked what was going to happen when he said he and my mother were considering leaving on holiday, instead of giving me a lift back to university with all of my heavy bags... that HE had earlier voluntarily said he was going to do. In fact he had positively opposed my going back by myself when I suggested it!
No Dad - all I actually did was ask a logical question. The only person in that house who raged, bitched, and insisted on their own way all the time OR ELSE, was you! The rest of us had to fit in or woe betide us.
"a woman's virtue is patience, you are not very virtuous"
when becoming irritated about him being a grouchy abusive poo for years on end.
"if you had the kind of childhood I had, you would be acting much worse than I do"
I actually had a much worse childhood than he did
MendingToday, I also agree that triangulation is a tool for gaslighting, but I wouldn't say it's exactly gaslighting itself. Triangulation is like a knife in that it can cut, it can stab, it can score, scratch, and slice. Gaslighting is the brand of knife chosen to do the job.
Me: I'm trying to make an effort to be there!
Dad: You're trying to make an effort?!?!
Like I was the one not doing anything at all...... yep, he's a piece of work....
"I don't mean to make you feel stupid but....." and then of course saying something which was meant to do exactly that. I HATE this so much, it's like, really? You think because you put this "disclaimer" at the beginning of a statement it erases what we both know that means? That it means you can say whatever you want? How you would like it if I said "I'm not going to punch you in the face now." And the proceeded to punch you in the face? Do you think the fact I just told you I didn't do it first meant it didn't happen? Not real convincing, is it, you jerk!
That crap is total crazymaking. People do it all the time "I'm not racist but..." and then say some clearly racist statement. Who do they think that's fooling?
"I'm not trying to make you feel bad..... I'm trying to help you"
After literally talking trash about me, to me, for last hour or so.
We would have an appointment. He would be sitting in front of the computer in his pyjamas while I was getting ready to go. I would be asking him periodically if he would please get ready. Finally, I would explode and say, (for example): "It's 8 o'clock and we are already supposed to be there and you're still sitting here in your pyjamas!"
He would calmly look over at the clock and say, "No, it's 7:58."
Ooooo, more fun times!
My ex, right after I caught him out in yet another lie. I asked him, somewhat exasperated, "when are you going to stop lying to me?" The answer? "When you start trusting me". Corker.
(I may keep remembering others)