I'm done trying to stay positive. I can't stand living in a house where I'm constantly made fun of and not appreciated. I try and try and try but no matter how hard I try nothing works. I told my boyfriend that I was a mistake. I don't belong here. I was an accident. I don't have parents that I can talk to when needed. When I talk to mom 75% of the time we fight. We may talk about stuff but I don't feel any connection with her. Don't feel love like I should. I finally cried last night because I can't handle this burden on my own. I can't leave either because I'm what's holding this family together. (That's my boyfriend's words). I'm constantly stressed out and exhausted from my parents. My dad drinks pretty much every night and when I sit by him it makes me gag the smell of alcohol on him is so strong. Why would god put me through this? Why put me in an abusive house where I am unloved and constantly told that I'm not good enough. All my siblings are embarrassed and in public we're not related. We're neighbors. I don't know what to do and it doesn't matter anymore. Things aren't going to get better. They will NEVER get better!!! Maybe I don't deserve anything better.