Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I'm done trying to stay positive. I can't stand living in a house where I'm constantly made fun of and not appreciated. I try and try and try but no matter how hard I try nothing works. I told my boyfriend that I was a mistake. I don't belong here. I was an accident. I don't have parents that I can talk to when needed. When I talk to mom 75% of the time we fight. We may talk about stuff but I don't feel any connection with her. Don't feel love like I should. I finally cried last night because I can't handle this burden on my own. I can't leave either because I'm what's holding this family together. (That's my boyfriend's words). I'm constantly stressed out and exhausted from my parents. My dad drinks pretty much every night and when I sit by him it makes me gag the smell of alcohol on him is so strong. Why would god put me through this? Why put me in an abusive house where I am unloved and constantly told that I'm not good enough. All my siblings are embarrassed and in public we're not related. We're neighbors. I don't know what to do and it doesn't matter anymore. Things aren't going to get better. They will NEVER get better!!! Maybe I don't deserve anything better.
but if you never reach
out to the people in
the community who
are there to help,
things WILL
GET WORSE.
At the end of your life,
you will regret that
you sacrificed your
one precious chance
at happiness ---
and your sacrifice
will, in all probability
have done no good, anyway.
If you do not reach out
to an adult at school
or church, or someone
with whom you can relate,
the siblings about whom
you care so much,
will end up being
messed up or worse.
As I've observed before,
at present, you are still
a child yourself. You
do not have the
wherewithal to
remedy this
dangerous situation
that your parents
have engineered.
But you CAN enlist
the help of adults
who are there for
the purpose of
protecting the
innocent.
I'm so very sorry
that you're in
this position.
If you choose
to sacrifice
your life
without ever
having lived it,
that will be a
very sad thing,
a TRAGEDY.
And it may not
be the only one.
Because, as a
child, you are not
yet in a position
to deal effectively
with the chaotic
situation your
parents have
created in
your home.
I'm so sad
for you, Sweetie.
And so far, you
seem unwilling
or unable to
reach out
and enllist
the people
who are
there for
the purpose
of making
families safe.
(Your boyfriend
is not one of
those. It may
be true that
you're the
most responsible
person in this
swamp of a
family ---- but
it's NOT YOUR
JOB to forfeit
your life to
attempt to fix
your parents' mess!)
If you take action
that appears to
result in the
family NOT
"holding together,"
that may be the
very action
that SAVES
your siblings.
I realize that
you may not
be up to taking
those actions.
Whatever you
choose to do,
I'm sending you
wishes and
prayers for
all good things.
your tender age,
your family of
origin is your
only family.
Sadly, family
that abuses
you isn't much
family, at the
end of the day.
I hope you will find
a safe and loving
home in the very
near future.
Ilene has given great advice here. Again, if there's a place you can go only even temp for just a bit it will help you to think through all your options without being in that toxic environment.
I'm so sorry Violet. From the few posts of yours I've read I can sense you are a beautiful, strong person. I hear a fighting instinct in you and you WILL get to the other side of this. HUGS!!!!
or if you're 18 now. . . .
you do not
need anyone's
permission to
live your life as
you see fit.
If you're nearing 18,
keep that in mind.
If you're 18 now,
you are a
legal adult
with the rights
and entitlements
of an adult person.
Take care
and be well.
make her mad.
Of course it will.
So what?
At 18
you don't have
to tell your mommy. . . . .
ANYTHING.
When you're an adult,
you're an adult.
Leaving a home,
especially our first home,
is a really hard and
scary thing.
But the thing is. . . .
until you are able to
be on your own as
an adult, then
you're not
"DONE" with
your abusive parents.
So. . . .
if you're not going
to reach out and
get some help
from social services
to help protect your
siblings. . . . .
and if you're not
going to leave your
abusive parents. . . . .
then what you could do
is to call up someone
at Alanon and see
if you can learn more
about what's happening
within your family of origin.
Then use what you learn
to make decisions for
yourself and your siblings
in the near and distant future.
Sending you hugs
and prayers for
better things.
First of all. . . . . .
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
Second. . . . . .
I wish there was more
that I could do to support you.
Some details are different
but in many ways, we grew
up in the same (kind of)
dysfunctional family.
When you say that
you're terrified, please
know that I genuinely
understand, right through
to my inner self, even
deep in my "gut."
The good news for you
is that with your birthday
on the fourteenth. . . .
you're growing up!
Legally, you're an
adult now.
Emotionally, you're
not yet an adult. That
passage doesn't happen
overnight, with any particular
birthday. It happens over
time, with experience
and acquiring information
and wisdom.
But for almost a week now,
you're a very young woman.
And this means that you're
in a position to take control
(and responsibility), for your
own well-being.
Much love to you, Sweetie.
Please take good care
of yourself.
And. . . . . for the record. . . . .
as a brand new adult,
you no longer have to be
terrified of your
abusive mother.
(She knows that and
is hoping that it will
take you forever, to
find out. I'm hoping
it won't take you
nearly as long
as that. I'm
hoping that
you figure that
out as soon
as possible!)
Take good care.
Dont just wish she gets so irate and then throws you out.
Take control. You are 18 and whereas you are emotionally young, you are legally an adult and can leave. Dont just sit and take her abuse. Like we talked about, formulate a plan. Reach out to a trusted friend or youth minister to talk to who can also help you with a plan to get out. And one who can help you figure out how you can also help your siblings.
I know you love them and feel badly to leave them with your parents, not knowing what will happen to them.
Stay strong with the support you're receiving and stay focused.
Hugs,