They will soon enough understand how all-encompassing, hair-raising and exhausting it is to deal with the effects of child sexual abuse, and then they will come to know why you decided to leave it to the professionals.

So, after seeking council from numerous sources including you all, my husband and I feel at peace in calling CPS. Band mom really struck an important note when she said that my very phonecard could create a reasonable doubt in the other family's cases progressing legally and I don't want to jeopardize this child getting the extreme help/discipline he needs to not ever hurt another person and the only way I can see this happening is if these other children disclose totally separate from our family, since we had too much reasonable doubt to get a legal case! I plan on calling in the morning.

My only complication is a couple of the kids I do not have their contact info. Unless I get it from the church and that would be weird, right? Would CPS go get the child's info from the church themselves?

I would imagine that, if you provide the parents' names, CPS can find everything they need from public records. Give them what you know. I'm sure this isn't the first time they have had to dig a little harder for info. You're doing part of the job for them, just by giving them these leads.

I want to applaud your decision to let CPS do its job. I know it was a difficult one for you to make. You will sleep better knowing that you have not complicated your own situation. You are simply doing the right thing on behalf of these other children.

So I called CPS This Morning. Specifically, I called the caseworker that's been covering the other family. I knew that she would take what I said and understand it better based upon everything I shared about my own children's situation. However a constant thing that seems to continue to arise in my conversations with a lot of the professionals I've been speaking with about this stuff is that they constantly are telling me " I'm concerned that you're making your children talk too much." Is it really that difficult for people to realize that a child could actually have a healthy, trusting, confiding relationship with a parent or they would actually continue to disclose things that they were struggling with in their own minds when they felt comfortable to?! My children love me and my husband. They trust me and my husband. And from the very first day the disclosures began we have set up individuals talk times for them in the evening so that they could get whatever they wanted to out of their system and help them sleep better. Even just last night my daughter insisted on an emergency conversation at 9 o'clock at night and ended up playing out a dream that's been in her head the last week with Legos. (Emergency because we set it up so that the kids are only allowed to talk now for 2 nights a week and they have to actually make a date with us and plan ahead. We're trying to move ahead and not focus on this stuff.) It included both her brother perpetrator and this monster child perpetrator doing inappropriate things and this monster physically abusing her. Why is it such a Fantastical thing to imagine that a child might finally be comfortable enough to share secrets about three other victims after working through their own junk for the past 8 months?! I'm really getting sick and tired of feeling like I have to prove that I am not manipulating my children's brains just because they like to talk to me. I am who they attached to in the beginning because there were no counselors that would take their cases due to the complexity of it and we had to be on the waiting list for the specialized counselors. We waited for 2 to 3 months just to get my daughter into the special counseling. It was not for lack of trying but normal counselors didn't want to talk about sexual abuse; they did not feel qualified.

Anyways that rant is just simply because CPS again is asking me "you know I really don't think you should be talking to your children about this" and I'm sitting here trying to explain to them this is not exactly something I'm trying to talk about with my children they just wanted to tell me and I'm concerned about these other children that might possibly be victims, is it really that difficult to accept that? (Obviously, I didn't say it like that! ;) anyways the contact said she would speak with her supervisor and get back to me about whether or not they were even going to follow up about this information that I shared with them. She said that in the case of the police not following up on the stuff I shared with them it might have been because they don't believe the children are actually in danger anymore. So someone please explain to me l, who in the world is supposed to tell these parents about possible abuse to their children if the professionals refused to do so?! I'm just hoping that it's not going to have to be falling on my shoulders because obviously I'm not the right person legally. I'll let you know what CPS says.

Sooooo.....frustrated with people right now! The system is sure not set up to protect the victims, especially their emotions! :/

Alright guys this is my third try to post something the other two got deleted. So this one's going to be a little bit shorter than the last two have been in hopes that it actually gets posted this time. Long story short, CPS is not going to do anything. They actually told me to call the child abuse hotline and see what they had to say which makes no sense because then that means that I'm calling on the parents of the victims and the parents are not being abusive or neglectful and therefore if it's not the parents according to the abuse hotline's web page I would be referred back to CPS or the police who have both told me they are doing nothing to contact these families. I hope that you can hear the irritation in my statements because that's exactly how I'm feeling right now. Epic failure on the system's part right now!

Regarding your last post, um, gosh, no, I totally didn't detect any irritation....ha. That circular crap is diabolical. Clearly, this was not a situation they considered when they set up the system, because there's no way caring people would have made it this pointless.

As for your previous post -- about talking to your OWN CHILDREN about issues that concern them deeply? What a radical concept. I suspect these caseworkers deal with so much dysfunction all day that they never see a normal, loving parental relationship where both parents, in the same home, actually make time to listen to children who adore them. That, I am certain, is sadly more unusual than it should be. However, the idea that you have to pay a professional, or make your children be quiet when they are READY and eager to disclose and work through this crisis -- I mean, how can CPS not hear the absurdity of that request??

Okay, so now I'm thinking that it's time for you to go higher. You have literally exhausted all local options. Talk with your district attorney's office and ask what you can do to break this impasse. I'm not sure where you're located, but often DAs have special units devoted to special victims, including children who have been sexually abused. They may see a way to get justice moving for the other children who have been (likely) abused.

I still struggle with how grotesque my daughter's story is...I mean it's hard to believe to a certain extent even though I know it's true in my gut. But my worst fear is that I keep fighting and she fabricated all this. I don't believe that's true but for me to put my already unappreciated booty in the line of fire from the police and CPS, and me having a perpetrator child myself, I gotta tell you that just praying for the truth to come out looks mighty tempting right now! I don't want to be looked at as a trouble maker and in turn get the officials back involved in my business again!

Now, the good news is that my friend is friends with the ex District Attorney and we've been playing phone tag. I'm going to share the whole story with her and just see if there's anything more that can be done without me becoming a "menace." We're contemplating going to a play that one of the families is involved in and just letting our girls talk hoping that nature runs its course! We don't have control over what children say, right?! ;) I've even contemplated just leaving an anonymous body safety book at their home. I don't know...just trying to think outside the "system" box!

Wow, the book idea is actually brilliant. Wipe your prints!! ;)

What our children trust us enough to talk? Absurd!!! What is wrong with people.My daughter is always telling me I am the only one she trusts(she is embarrassed to talk to her dad)When ours was first reported I was told to take a couple days and think about it,we did not have to continue.I felt like I was being talked out of making a statement.In our state it is not mandatory I guess.

I don't know where you live, but in my state, the hotline is set up as the place people are supposed to report to. They don't take calls at the individual offices but instead use the hotline to determine how severe the case is and how quickly someone needs to go out to the homes. I'm not sure what you have tried since your last post, but I would say go ahead and report to the hotline and be done. You've tried your best here! You don't want DCS turning on you and accusing you of coaching. It is sad that we as parents try to reach out and help others so that they can get help only to have it turned around.

That was all I needed! Yesterday right after church I received the phone call I've been hoping to get from the retired SVU Detective (who I thought was a retired district attorney in case you get confused). She told me definitely call the child abuse hotline. But she also told me to call the parents like yesterday. She said I would not be interrupting any legal problems because of the fact that our case is closed and there is no open case at this moment. She said to exercise My First Amendment rights of freedom to speech and to feel free to share our story with whoever we feel comfortable sharing including the people that were concerned about going to the other kids group, specifically focused on friends. So this past 2 days I have been very cautiously sharing a little bit more with various people and today I called all 3 of the moms of the little girls that we were suspect were victims. I only got ahold of one but that conversation went really well. The mom almost had an aha moment while we were on the phone saying out loud did I think that it might be her other daughter also? Her other daughter has a lot of issues with self-confidence and being extremely reserved. So anyway she was very receptive to what I shared with her and I did not share all the details I simply shared Basics I didn't even share that my daughter was the one that told me. I let her know that there were probably going to be authorities following up with their family and she was okay with that. I also shared that the disclosure about her child had been submitted to the police already through our case. She was so concerned about how we were all doing! It really was so relieving to share with her personally. If you want to see my script of what I read I'll share it. It might help someone else that's trying to do the same thing with one of their friends. Anyways I also called the child abuse hotline and submitted all the girls information once again. The intake lady was very confused why the police officer had chosen not to do anything with the information I had shared with him. She was also taken aback a little bit by the fact that all the people I was concerned about were children. She was fine with the fact that I had spoken to the one lady and I shared with her that she was receptive to what I shared with her.

There's a part of me that feels kind of bad for continuing this process for my ex best friends family, just when the case was closed, but at the same time I know that these families need to know and not be kept in the dark anymore and that if her child really hurt these other girls he needs to be held accountable!. So now my burden is almost lifted! Phew...and today is my wedding anniversary. Time to go focus on happy memories! :)

Well guys it just got worse. I was having a discussion with all 3 of my children today because my oldest special needs son is really struggling with accepting that his siblings got her even though he witnessed things, and before I even know it three more victims have been confirmed with actual witnessing of abused by my children. The hard part is at least three other victims I don't really know their families I just know of their families. I've already submitted these three families to the detective and told him I was concerned that their children might have been abused. I got to tell you this is becoming really frustrating burden on my shoulders. Yes I know what I have to do and I think I'm also going to follow up with the detective and just let him know that my kids disclose specific abuse information about these other children. I just... Meanwhile the monsters family just pretends like nothing happened. All 3 of my children are also saying that the older monsters brother physically abused them. I think we're getting to a point where we might need a lawyer because otherwise if I keep making all these phone calls I just look like a menace. My husband wants to know where we draw the line? He wants to be done and move on. Input?

You go as far as it goes then rest. These don't come in neat little uncomplicated packages. It messy there is lots of opposition but just remember you have to live with you. Where your consience ends than it ends you are doing more good than anyone of the authority ... You are invested for good reason. It will end and you'll be thankful. Keep at it so proud of you this is not easy.

I'm just throwing in my 2 cents here; I also agree that you are doing everything right, and you will know when it's time to put a period on things. But I have to say, these kids who are sexually abusing other kids learned this from somewhere, not just the physical acts of the abuse but the environmental and psychological factors as well. They've learned an awful lot... I'm suspicious of a possible ritual abuse situation. It doesn't have to include satanic elements. Here's some info on it: http://childabusewiki.org/index.php?title=Ritual_Abuse .

O.k., guys, apparently my call to the child abuse hotline is finally being taken seriously! CPS actually called me back AND requested one of the children's numbers. She also asked me if I knew the mom and actually TOLD ME TO CALL HER AND DISCLOSE WHAT I KNEW! I'm sorry, but the irony of that was hilarious to me after all this other stuff and being made to feel by the detective that I shouldn't "worry about it." She also urged me to call the hotline about the 3 other kids (which I plan on doing maybe tonight.. they aren't in harm's way so no rush.) But she also asked about what happened to my daughter and I shared specific types of details to help them understand the gravity of the situation including my ex-best-friend's neglectful attitude putting one of the little girls at risk AFTER we had already shared about our daughter (not everything known at that time but rape for sure!) So, today we meet with the pastor of the one Church and hope he'll do what's safest for his church. I know this is new, overwhelming types of subject matter for this church and young pastor. Ttyl ;)