I'm so sorry you feel so awful. You may be broke, but don't be ashamed because of it! I'm sure your family understands what you've been through and they likely have an inkling of your financial situation as well.

I'd be honest with your daughter. Tell her you'd love to see her and the in-laws on Christmas, but you don't think you'll be able to buy presents. They may have not bought anything yet for you, so you could mention that you'd rather them not purchase anything for you this year because you simply can't reciprocate. (On the other hand, they probably don't care! I *much* prefer giving gifts than receiving, so they might as well). You daughter asked you to spend Christmas with her because she wants your *company* and not because of you gifts! I'm sure she's much rather have you sans gifts than not see you at all.

Most of all DO NOT be ashamed - you did nothing wrong and it's not your fault! MS can take a huge toll, both financially and emotionally, and one has to cope the best one can. I, too, think I'm sinking at times. I think you're doing very well and I'm impressed you were able to bake as much as you did. I haven't made anything at all, and probably won't.

Be kind to yourself. I'll be thinking of you!

P.S. I like your avatar...I'm from Kansas. :)

First Emily is right. You did nothing wrong and providing food and shelter comes first. Adults should realize this. Sending cookies and letter to let them know you spent TIME to do something nice for them.

Be safe this holiday season,
EP

Hi Melanie,

I am so sorry you are going through such a rough time right now. This Christmas is much different than past years at my house. All my extra money has gone to my doctor bills and vet bills for a rescue doggie that was injured. I still have 2 children at home. They are 18 and 20, so they are old enough to be out on their own, but both have anxiety disorders that prevent them from doing so. Christmas has always been a big deal in our house and this year we dont even have a tree. To top it off my oven quit working so I cant bake.

But you know what.. in the scheme of things it doesnt matter. Christmas isnt about gifts and it isnt about big meals, its about being with those that we love and celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. I sat down with all my kids and just explained to them that Momma doesnt have the energy or money to go all out this year and they were ALL ok with it as long as we could spend some time together. I bet your family will feel the same way.

Christmas is a time to be with family. Please go with your daughter and celebrate the blessings of the day.

I wish you the best and Merry Christmas!
(((((hugs)))))
Lisa

So sorry your in this situation but please know you're not alone. Because of this stupid disease, yrs of tests & dr's waiting for a dx cleaned us out. Lost our home, lost my position in the co. I'd been working for & a substantial pay cut.

We had to get creative, so the first year, no gifts over $10. Last year Thrift store gifts, had a blast shopping. I think we had more fun doing this then buying expensive gifts. Baking like you have is also a great idea & it sounds like you enjoy it. Everyone likes cakes & cookie. Don't be so hard on yourself, you sound like a very caring person.
Hugs
Tammy

Hi, hope you are feeling better by the time you read this. I'm in the same boat. I realized the best give anyone is the gift of company and laughter. Spending time with your daughter will ease her mind, while enjoying your company. If you fake ill, she is not going to enjoy the day, so your gift is being there, make everybody feel special, listen to them. My sister never brings gifts anywhere but its invited to everyones parties, because she is happiness and jokes. I learned that from her. Giving her the opportunity to make memories, and pictures. Priceless. Go, enjoy, laugh, have fun.YOU are the gift. Stay well .love

I just don't understand how the government expects folks to survive on SSI. My husband collects SSDI and he couldn't make it on his own if he had to. Not with the cost of living today. You are not alone in this, many folks are in your shoes this Christmas season, and you shouldn't feel less about yourself because of it. These people you are visiting are family. They understand you have MS and I'm sure they suspect and understand your financial situation also.

They are family, and won't want to see you suffer this holiday by purchasing gifts for them. My 17 year old daughter surprised me tonight by telling me Christmas is just another day for her, and a day to be spent with family having a good time. That is what Christmas means to her now. Why don't you think these in-laws would feel any different? The older we get, the less presents mean anything.

If you insist that you must bring presents, why not make them something! For example, you could make:
Pomander Balls
Peanut Butter Fudge
Lavender Bags
Pillow
Potpourri Sachets
Ginger Biscuits
What about homemade vouchers, offering your services to them? Its free and thoughtful if you offer personal services that mean something to them. Or, get loads of pictures of yourself and your family (could be old ones too) print them off and put the collage in a picture frame! Your daughter may be able to help you with this one. Simple, easy and very cheap to do!

You have been given wonderful advice here by your DS family, and I hope that you take it to heart. Really, not having a gift for them will not be taken as a slight by your daughter's in-laws. Get into the true meaning of CHRISTmas and relax about feelings of inadequacy because of your financial situation. Your presence is a true gift for them I'm sure. Go, and have a wonderful time.

I am saddened to read of your situation, I agree with what Emily & others have said. Don't "pretend" to be sick, it would actually hurt yourself just as much (if not more) than your daughter.
As others have said, explain it to your daughter & I am sure she will understand & so will the in laws, they have shown that they are welcoming you to their home & I am sure would not want you to stress about presents.
Maybe you could offer to cook some biscuits or white christmas (no cooking just refrigerate) or whatever you feel comfortable with for sharing rather than presents? That way you are not arriving empty handed (if that is what upsets you).

It's ok for you to me upset too, ms can take away so much from us & then we crack. Hope you are feeling better for getting it out there to people that understand too.

I sure hope you feel better after a good cry. You did allow yourself that, right? I'm all choked up. I pray that you find the strength to enjoy your family and to put your cares aside and take some of this great advice.

Trying to live on SSDI is surely a challenge. I keep thinking there have got to be more ways to survive that I just haven't learned yet.

Yes, MS is bad for the pocketbook, at one point we did not hav enough to put gas in our van.

Wish I could get some kind of job, have no idea what it would be.
The one thing that I know is how to treat RRMS without drugs. Diet , lifestyle & several key supplements, which have kept me in remission for more that a decade. I can now walk with my quad cane after years when I could not. I could write a book, but it would take forever.

try to get help from your family so you can give gifts to your grandkids. Ask them for help, they will understand & help you.

It's a horrible place to be - I am currently in the same one. I don't have any children, but I have lots of family.

When they tell you that there is something wrong with you, they don't warn you of all the other things that come with this. Who are we kidding? The doctors that get to break the news are set.

Keep your chin up, and know that no matter how things are let on, everyone does understand. Even if they don't show it as obviously as we need, They do. It's not something that you asked for or something you can help. *hugs* hang in there and enjoy the non-material part of the holidays.

And the cookies :) I SO want cookies now.

Woah, slow down. Don't be so hard on yourself. You family will understand. The Christmas season is NOT about feeling stressed and frustrated and upset, that is an unfortunate side effect of putting too much pressure on yourself. Remind yourself that Christmas is about family and friends and giving. If all you have to give is LOVE and support - well hell, i'd say that's the best gift of all. Make handmade cards, and cookies are a GREAT gift (I myself would love to receive a batch of yummy home made cookies. Way better then the walmart junk that will more likely be given).

I'm not saying this just to be positive but out of experience. Both of my parents (who are divorced) are disabled and have NO money. I could care less. It's NOT about the gift. I enjoy seeing them on the holidays and sharing a nice dinner. They always feel terrible, and I'm more upset that they feel bad (when they should NOT) then that I did not get a gift.

((hugs)) Remember, you have plenty to give, you have yourself and love and family. Enjoy your holidays, don't play sick.

PS: By "play sick" I meant in regards to this statement:

I plan to fake feeling ill that day and not go at all.

NOT that you are faking your condition or sitation or ANYTHING like that at all. I realized after hitting send that that didn't come out right.

I will tell you something that I will NEVER FORGET. My stepmother (who raised me) said that the best present that I ever gave her and my dad was the handmade Christmas card that I MADE myself. I just used colored cardboard paper and wrote a poem on it and sent it in an envelope to my parents for Christmas. I gave them a lot more expensive items in the years after that but they said that the best present was the one the year I was the POOREST and the handmade card I made.

So if you can make a handmade card with your own words and write something to each member of your family, then you will be giving them a present that they will remember forever.

DON'T FORGET THAT. PLEASE DO NOT BE ASHAMED. THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE IN THE SAME BOAT!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Heres what i have to say...u tell them the truth plain n simple...im on ssdi and trust me i know theres no spare money for gifts..i chose the baking way this year as i cant afford to buy gifts..luckily they understand..but if they didnt?! they can kiss my butt...christmas is not about gifts its about family and if u believe in God its jesus birthday so ungratefullness is not in the equation. dont u feel ashamed!!!! u are doing the best u can!!! We all do we are not gonna rob a bank ot steal just to give gifts...if they arr a loving wonderful understanding family which im sure there are then they just want to be with u..yes i feel sad i cant afford to buy my own parents or my sister or my nephew not even my own bf bu they know i would have if i could..try something that uve made!? I love to cook n bake so i decided to bake everyonr cookies n package them as gifts...im charging all the of the food i need to bake cuz my foodstamps is definatly not enough..my credit sux but its cheaper to bake than to buy everyone giftz..i feel u but dont u ever feel ashamed!!!

Melanie,

I am so sorry you are feeling so sad. You did what you could and I am sure the people who love you will understand and the kids will understand when they're older. I am sure your loved ones want you to take care of yourself first.

You sound like such a caring person, it is time to care for yourself now and please don't be ashamed of that.