We can get into semantics about how to define ego. But I think Dass' definition was good. I think your right about everything you said. We are more than ego. At least my Sylvia is more. Buddhist have so much to say about ego but in this conversation I think this more narrow use of the word ego is helpful. I really think you're on the right track.

Wheel~ Thank you for that explanation of structures within a PTSD and C-PTSD context. I think the semantics of the ANP can be misconstrued but the principles discussed make sense. HUG
~K and DH

Acceptance does not come easy for some. I have been diagnosed for almost a year and continue to struggle with acceptance in spite of in-your-your-face evidence (lost time, "waking up" on the edge of a cliff and different states,and letters from parts to my therapist, come immediately to mind). Intellectually, it makes sense and explains a great deal, but in my heart, doubt, confusion and that overwhelmed feeling prevail. My therapist speaks with me as if I am completely on board but..... Please be easy with yourself and your diagnosis, it will naturally evolve. Best of luck.

GeorgeSand--Is it possible to expand on this "narrow" use of the word ego? I'm curious. Thanks.

Lemondrop--Your post arrived, I read it and thank you, deeply for writing. I spent this weekend trying to recall the times I lost consciousness and (possibly) switched; I've only remembered 44 times, but nothing as dramatic as the ones you describe, except for the conversion-reaction I experienced when my boss tried to seduce me.

I think that's part of the reason I find it hard to accept. And another part of me just doesn't want to be that wounded; (please forgive me if I've offended anyone by saying that even though it's how I feel).

Yet, it must hold some truth because it also feels like, as GeorgeSand said, "/I'm/ on the right track," at last, and I feel scared, scared, scared.

And alone...except for the posters here.

Can we ever wear out our thanks? I hope not because I don't know how else to say it--many thanks.

And another part of me just doesn't want to be that wounded; (please forgive me if I've offended anyone - SuzA66

I got this picture in my head of war wounded in a pile looking at you. There legs are blown off ect. And you say part of me just doesn't want to be that wounded; I hope that can be a dark humor kind of funny. But as far as being wounded goes; that spilled milk baby, the wounding happened long ago, it happened. Now you just have to accept that because you are so creative you survived. Scars aren't so bad, really.

It's going to 97 degrees today and I live in an attic. I'm not up for a conversation about Buddhism and ego. That's why I thought your def was narrow by comparison. But I've been thinking about it a lot. If I do try to write it down, I'll PM you with a copy.

GeorgeSand--I did a number of Ellen Bass' healing retreats for survivors back in the 80s. After the first one though I cried every day for a year...it feels like that again...crying every day. So, guess I'll do now what I did then--just let it be.

Your description of the wounded startled me. It brought back a vision I had while doing a different type of healing work eight years ago.

I saw the faces of hundreds of women in my family; generations and generations of women--all of whom had been sexually abused. Each face was pleading for me to do something...maybe they were pleading for me to heal...maybe to speak out...I'm not sure. Just can't lose that head picture.

It's not the scars that I mind GeorgeSand, it's the pain and confusion that my selves must have had to endure for so many years to have produced all those scars. And, I'm crying again, but these are different tears; they are tears of sorrow and compassion.

Whenever--if ever-- you are up to writing about Ego from a Buddhist perspective is fine. My curiosity drove my mother crazy--even for the four short years I was with her.

xx
SuzA

I saw the faces of hundreds of women in my family; generations and generations of women--all of whom had been sexually abused. Each face was pleading for me to do something...maybe they were pleading for me to heal...maybe to speak out...I'm not sure. Just can't lose that head picture.


Suz could this be all the generations of your family asking you to speak out to end the cycle in hopes that future generations of your family don't have to suffer these atrocities?