me too

I definitely understand what you’re going through. I grew up being forced into religion and didn’t follow what do ever because there’s all these corrupt people who use religion to do terrible things. Eventually I found God on my own terms and I sorta created my own beliefs that reflects strong spirituality first but I definitely have been getting energy from God from the way I think Hod works.

I do agree with you though. It’s definitely more difficult to do the right thing all the time. I see a whole bunch of guys who treat women like shit and somehow get women but here I am treating people respectfully and not having any luck. Again I pull my faith from God believe that my turn with the right woman will come. It’s hard to stay patient but I’ve seen myself doing the wrong thing and I don’t like how I look in the mirror or feel afterwards and as a result I aim to do good despite losing sometimes. Stay strong friend, keep fighting!

I was born and raised to do "the right thing". And I did for most of my growing up years. Didn't get me anywhere. So I stopped being a goody-two-shoes. I'm not evil or anything, and for sure would never hurt anyone, but I decided never mind about how I was raised, I have to do what's right for me. And I do what's right for me. Being too good just doesn't work.

Hey jsealy, hang in there. I get the sense that you're wrestling with God here. Questioning if he's real or not. In my 20's I did a lot of studying about religion in the Bible. Especially in the New Testament I found a lot of rejection of organized religion within the Bible itself. I encourage you to pick up a Bible and make your own decisions, from there use what you've learned and select a church for yourself.
In my Christian walk, I try to remember that God wants a relationship with me. That's a very real and comforting and humbling thing all at the same time. Prayers bro.

Thanks Guys. I believe in God definitely. I still pray. But the world is a mean place. Maybe when I'm dead, God will let me into heaven. But it almost seems like to get to heaven, I have to go through hell on earth. All the rotten people have a great time. And they even claim they are doing God's work. What a bunch of manure. LOL. Bless you.

I know how you feel about loneliness.

My mother told me, “bipolar 1 was the worst disorder you can get”. Thanks Mom!

It is pretty sad that when something bad happens they say the person was “bipolar”.

Being bipolar, to me, is like this thing I hang around my neck. I can’t be totally me. If I say I am bipolar, people run away from me. I remember, a woman who I thought was a friend made fun of a bipolar woman. Saying she can’t wait for her to be manic, so she could clean the house. That was so upsetting. This woman who made these remarks was obese. So why would she say something so I sensitive when she had a problem too.

Hang in there.

Just keep fighting.