Not judgmental here, but I do believe you have handled yourself very well. As the saying goes "what webs we weave".

Enjoy your time in comfort than to waste your time in stress. The right person will come along when you least expect it.

Sending a warm hug and best wishes!

wanted to add something. this man always wanted us to date and become more than friends. I have thought about it but our friendship as I said when it became the closest we have ever been in my opinion but abruptly ended by so called gf. oh and he mistakenly sent me a text one morning is how I found out about him dating this woman telling her he loves her but sent it to me. There was no commitment between them at the time she gave him the choice of me or her so should I have asked him then about dating or was I right about letting him go along with her? do you think he was waiting and wanting to hear "I have changed my mind. I want you"? He knows I don't play games. I am not going to do that. I don't feel he is in love with this woman or the ones in the past. He tries to make every woman he dates his wife no matter what he has to put up with to keep from being alone. What should I do about everything now though? I have a problem trusting my own judgement.

Thank you JourneyHome. I really appreciate your comment. I have a very hard time letting go of things that have hurt me terribly.

oh, and when he was telling her he loves her he kept telling me he loves me. Do you think he was wanting to tell him not to date her? Told him he doesn't need to tell two women at the same time he loves them. Said he does but in different ways. Loves her, in love with me. I stay so confused by him

Seems to me that you have great instinct and judgement. Your instinct is telling you that you are part of some contest here. Or at the very least one of several that he is waiting to hear from. The very fact that he did not mention the other woman "he loves" is reason enough to walk away. Again, just my opinion, but I would not allow any of your emotions to enter into this, and see it for what it is. You already know the right answer, I applaud you. Hugs!

A lot more fish in the sea-even more at grocery stores :)

wowza....he wants to marry all women out there eh? Well do not get involved...because he has expectations that are to say odd? Even with just 3months since his wife died he was out looking to get married again? Weird....

ok just fyi he is odd....

I'd stay far away from a guy like that. Best wishes

He sounds unavailable and unstable from what you described. You handled it very well. Kudo's to you for opening your heart and giving him a chance to show his true self.. Sorry you were disappointed and hurt in the process though. :(

Hoping the next fish that swims close to you is a keeper! :)

I agree reply #5 said it better than I could. It is way too complicated for me. And imho complicated relationships are for kids.

it is complicated it seems but guess I could uncomplicate it and let it go. Being hurt so terribly by someone you were so close to and friends with is hard to let go. I have got to learn to let go. A big problem of mine.

I'm so sorry, that's really terrible! It hurts a lot to be treated so badly by a friend...gentle hugs and best wishes!

Thanks everyone. Thanks butterfly. Yes it hurts terribly when I have put up with so much and been there for him through his horrible relationships even though the majority of them he was not allowed to have me in his life so we had to mostly communicate on the phone and emails but I was still there for him. One woman was even abusive to him and had a lot of male friends and she even made or asked him to go help one of her ex's out all the time with stuff. Oh my goodness. When I think about all this it makes my blood boil. She would end it and then want him back. It was over between them one time and he asked me out for Valentines night then called and said she called and thought they shouldn't spend Valentines alone. he did not tell her we had plans and was so confused on how to juggle two women in the same night. I told him not to worry about it and go out with her then he wouldn't have to worry about time and be stressed out. I had thought after time had gone by that that night I would see how things felt and if we could maybe start dating instead of just friendship. he thanked me for graciously bowing out. It ended between then again. We had plans one day and she called him the night before needing him again to help her out with something so for 3 days he had to run her here and there. Out the window our plans went again. He wonders why I never dated him. I really never got the chance to want to. It started from the wedding band to other women and then when he had no one wanted all my free time. I didn't want a man on the rebound so would give him time but he jumped at the next one that would give him the time of day. I was never felt chemistry for him but felt he was a good caring man and maybe one day my feelings would change. Not sure. When the relationship didn't last he would then come around and want all my free time even coming to my job hanging around waiting on me to get off work wanting to go eat or something. One Christmas he was with a woman that wouldn't allow us to be friends. I sent him a text wishing a Merry Christmas and he didn't respond. He was with her and said he couldn't. How sad is that. He is so afraid of being alone that he allows to be ordered to even stoop to being rude. This woman has done the same thing and he is allowing it except as she puts it on a professional level only and hello and thank you if I go to shop at the grocery store but yet at Christmas no Merry Christmas text email, nothing but then it started at new year. I didn't respond. Told him if he allowed this to happen when he told me she was making him cut the ties that I would no longer be here for him that I would not keep being done this way. He tries so hard to prove he is worthy of her trust and love. I told him if she was the right one the trust would be there to start with until there was a reason not to and not the other way around. She shouldn't make him pay for what her ex did. he said he hopes she learns and grows one day and then I will be allowed back in his life. Told him I would not be available for that when it happens which will never happen. If she don't trust him now she never will. The first time I went into the store where he works to shop he started asking me about my life and how things are going. I told him to stop. he wanted to know what. I told him if he was not allowed to talk to me and if he wanted to know how my life was he could have found out by being a part of my life but he chose to allow this so he didn't deserve to know what is going on in my life. They both know where I work and came in one Saturday acting like they didn't know me until they got past me and he turned his head enough to smile at me. What the crap?! When I saw them face to face I asked how they are doing which is part of my job and especially as a member of management. Well she got so mad she walked out leaving him standing looking so embarrassed. he sent me an email apologizing for her behavior. Not his. I sent one back asking if he thought her behavior was not proper but his was ignoring me in front of her but smiling at me behind her back. Made me feel like the mistress and so cheap. Awhhhhh! he just replied with "wish everyone could get along".

Thats terrible of him to take advantage of your kindness and support. What is he thinking? He cant choose who he prefers to be with? Perhaps he likes all the attention and kaos at everyone elses expense. Feedings his ego or insecurities perhaps. He sounds like a spineless idiot from here. You deserve a mature person who knows what they want. hugs-

Thank you and yes I have told him before to man up and grow some b's and quit taking this crap off women because he is afraid of being alone. He keeps thinking he can change them. Told him they have to want to change and not up to him to do it. I really truly don't think he thinks he is being cruel to me. Well maybe he does but he is one that just lives on hope that everything is going to be hunky dory one day and I will still be here. He really has a lot of good qualities that would make a great relationship but he keeps getting involved with the wrong ones who are not willing to give like he does. I don't want to give him false hope ever that we could be anything other than friends but I really don't know how my feelings might have become if given the chance at an appropriate time. not with the wedding band thing and not immediately after break ups with other women and then clinging to me. He don't seem to get it that I want it to start out right. Wonder if he would be willing to date me now being with her? I would not want to hurt her by no means. I am not like that and wouldn't want to date him and find I don't have the right feelings but I miss our closeness. Can't help it. We had our battles like anyone at times. If I was, just saying, to tell him I want a chance to date him and he wanted to what does that say about his relationship with her? Don't want to make him see what he is doing by causing pain and hurt to someone. Know what I mean? Do I make any sense about all of this. I don't want to make him look like a total heartless jerk because he has a heart of gold even though it is hard for y'all to see that because of how he has done me. He is so good to women to the point of smothering. That is how needy he is but I would never have to question his loyalty or support with him. BUT...the right feelings have to be there on my part for him. I don't want to hurt him or her but don't know how I would feel. I became very close to him and thought feelings were growing when she make him stop communication. I just don't know what to do.