Hey friend, I understand the dilemma your in and I am glad that you decided to open up about it. I felt the same way when I moved from one state to a whole other for work. I didnt have any friends and I really got lonely and definitely jealous of others. What really helped me was getting to know the guys at work. I work with a few good guys and although I dont hang out with them all the time whenever I feel the need to hang out I am always welcome. Some others places I have met people were at art galleries, various gyms, or performing various hobbies, etc. I would just try to get out of the house, do things you like to do, and be open (or get out of your comfort zone) to talk to people.

I had moved from NC to MS and when I did these sort of things I made random friends from various places and sometimes met people that I never saw again but heard some really good words from them. Get up and get out, and I am sure you'll meet someone. Biggest thing for me was going up to people and starting conversation but its as easy as asking someone how their day has been or simply complimenting someone.

At the very least, I am glad that you turned to us in your time of need and know I am here if you would ever want to talk. We can remain honest and anonymous while still getting personal about our issues. Good luck, friend!

Thank you so much for your reply. You are absolutely correct. I really need to get out of the house and out of my comfort zone. Unfortunately meeting friends in my job isn't really an option as I am working from home since covid. This I know has contributed alot to my depression and loneliness. I am going to try to get out more and see what happens. Thanks for taking the time to reply and just know you have a friend in me as well. Have a great day.

I'm a Loner too. Always was and probably always will be. And like you, I wish I could have a good friend. I go to counseling and talk to my therapist about this. She said that I "find people annoying" that's why I prefer being alone. I was shocked. Maybe I do? But I think it's weird!! I guess we are just not wired like everyone else. Is it bad? No. But it sure as heck is lonely.
I sympathize with you. I know what you're going through.

@maria718 I truly love people helping them learning about them but they seem to drain me after long periods of time. As much as I do love them I can see where I get annoyed with them as well. I love connection but I easily get annoyed by people’s ways or habits. I often feel out of place when around others as if I’m different or don’t fit in. Yes this sure gets lonely.

Hi Resse,

You don't have to wait to go with someone to get a coffee. A suggestion would be to go to the local coffee place, and could you possibly do your work from there? I know people around where I live bring their laptop to Starbucks and work all day there. My point is, if you go to the same coffee place regularly, you will start to see the same people, and you could just say "Hi" and smile and it could develop into a friendship. Never know unless you try.

Do you have a dog? Walking your dog around the neighborhood is a good way to meet other neighbors, and get some good exercise and fresh air too.

Also, you said you like helping people, have you thought about looking into volunteer work? Or helping at the animal shelter. That way, you could volunteer on days you feel like doing it, so you don't get burned out by any obligation to do it.

Anyway, just some ideas to build off of. I'm sure you will come up with some of your own. Best wishes!

I feel for you! I'm a bit of a loner myself but also feel lonely sometimes. Then again I don't have the desire to actively go out to make friends. I'm shy and self conscious and feel like people will judge me. There are acquaintances in my life who I sometimes text every now and then. They never text me first. It makes me feel like I'm just begging them or something. I got low self esteem too. I used to put up with this one sided "friendship" because I would rather have that than nothing... but nowadays I am just trying to find myself first and figure out what I really want in friendships and I realized that I don't want to waste my time with people who don't bother to call Me or check in on me. Im a single mom too, so I can try to find other divorced moms like me who I can connect with. They say divorce rate is higher than 50%, but I honestly don't know anyone personally who is divorced. Makes me feel even more self conscious like there's something wrong with me. so yea, the loneliness is there but the overpowering shyness, low self esteem and self consciousness just keeps getting in the way. It's hard to even talk to other moms on the playground when my daughter is playing with their kids. I wish I was more approachable or more confident. I don't want my social ineptitude to affect my daughter's social life too. It's not fair to her. I wish she grows up to be more brave and self aware and self confident than I was. And comfortable in her own skin. Then she wouldn't suffer being alone, divorced, feel undesirable, feel alone and lonely but too scared to go out Into the world.... so I'm trying to be better mom to her than my own mum was. In every way possible. I wish I can be stronger and more confident to go out there and just find my own life so my daughter can find her own too. Instead of how my mom was locking me up at home and not letting me go out to play with friends or make friends or go over other people's houses.

I think we should take a second to look back at what might be causing our sense of aloneness and loneliness and shyness. And try to work from there. I'm starting to work on myself now. I realize I did notbhave a healthy childhood

I'm a loner as well and am in the same dilemma as you. I'm also an introvert. As much as I'd love to meet new people and make new friends, I also get anxiety any time someone invites me to a function.

Now that a lot of the restrictions are being lifted, I've been looking for meetups that may be of interest to me. Unfortunately for me, a lot of the people attending the meetups are far younger than I am.

I couldn't agree more. So glad to know I'm not the only one. I too prefer my personal space and down time, but I lack any close friendships. I don't want a lot of friendships, but I do want someone in my life to talk to and like you said, grab coffee with.

@CNAmum like you I also struggle with low self esteem, and I guess you could say I have a bit of social anxiety. Alot of times it is hard for me to leave my home for simple tasks such as go to the store etc. When I do force myself to go out I feel as if others can see me how it is I see myself. There was a time in my life when I felt really confident and pretty due to covid and weight gain I dont anymore so I feel embarrassed. I as well am a single mom and it would be nice to have other moms to hang with though I feel as if I don't quite fit in with most people I know. @StokedWithCoffee the urge to have this great outer life seems to coincide with my safety of being alone and not absorbing too many of other peoples energies and dealing with anxiety I hope we find a happy medium. @TKStenson I think it would help tremendously if I even had once really close friend to grab coffee with or even just someone who I can talk to about anything. One close friend to just talk to or text daily.