Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Great husband of almost 26 years with him 32 years total. He started having some health problems about 3 years ago the Dr could not explain. Jump ahead to August 2021 he has a stroke at 53 years old. Dr said with all these symptoms and stroke for insurance purposes I have to rule out HIV. My husband said go ahead it will be negative. Well guess what it wasn't. After very much questioning he finally admitted he has been paying women for sex our whole marriage. I mean 100's of women. At least once a month. He even got an account on Craig's list . How did I not know. I now do not know the man I married at all . Our whole life together has been a lie. He says it was not but the things he said to me and the things he did contradict each other. My whole life has been turned upside down. I now at 49 years old have a cheating disabiled husband who has AIDS. I'm stuck taking care of a man I hate cause he has no one else. Plus let's face it if I divorce him I lose all his retirement money that we were going to live on and travel with when he retired in 4 years. And at the same time I keep trying to hold on to the life I had where I thought I was the love of his life like he acted like I was. He said he loves me and it was just sex he needed from these women. I think he has a sex addiction. He said he might but won't say he does. He now makes me sick to my stomach. How do I get over something like this. More then 350 women. And yes I am now positive for HIV but the Lord was looking out for me. Our sex life over the last 2 years has been slim due to his illnesses so I am in good shape and on medication to keep me non detectable. So I will never have any affect from the disease. I'm at least thankful for that.
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
Consult a good divorce attorney because in my state, it is called a community property state and depending on how old he is, the retirement monies are split. It is community property and belongs to both if earned during the marriage. I got half my ex-husbands 401K account and thank goodness as I now realize he would have been in total control of the money.
Obviously, he has some kind of "sickness' or "addiction" and is a liar. Please do not assume he is telling you the truth at this time. He lies and looks you in the eyes and professes his love. Does love do this cheating, lying, etc.? It is not my definition of love. I would be as angry as you are. I would feel as trapped as you do. I would question if it was really women or if he was paying men and thus hiding that side of his desires. I am not against same sex relationships at all, I am just saying it is safer to say it was women but I have heard many stories of it being men paying men while being married, to hide their homosexuality or bisexuality to fit in to society and stay married. That many women would gross me out and make me disdain and dislike my husband and that many lies would really make me distrust and dislike my husband. I can't stand being lied to. Without trust, the marriage sucks in my opinion.
If you are not getting individual counseling for yourself to cope and decide what to do, please consider this. You are not wrong for how you feel. You do not have to suck it up and just take care of him unless this is what you want to do.
And thank goodness you are healthy!
Right now your priority is yourself. I don't think you have any responsibility to him unless he admits everything and gets into help and addresses the harm he has done. Even then you may just want to get out and I don't blame you one bit.
I also think that he can love you while doing all that. The addiction is a way to cope with stress. It's not love relationships. If it were a quest for love, he would be having affairs, not frequenting sex workers. So, while a lot of what happened in your marriage included lies, it does not mean he never loved you. I don't know whether that makes you feel better or worse, I just know that in my journey this is something I learned.
In the old days DS had a sex addiction group and that group saved me. I felt ashamed to talk about this with most of my friends. Having a place to tell about the shocking situation was a lifesaver. Feel free to message me if you want.
Support groups for spouses of sex addicts are around and I highly recommend that. Wishing you the best.
I am so sorry for what you are going through! This is just awful. Please know you had absolutely nothing to do with his decisions to cheat on you over and over. Nothing you could have said or done to change what he was already doing and continued to do.
As said above, you absolutely need to talk to a lawyer. Consultations are usually free. Not only for the divorce, but there could be legal implications for him contracting HIV from one of these women. If he gave HIV to someone after getting it, that woman can now sue him, for I am not kidding.... millions of dollars. There are many news stories about this happening, you can research it yourself. So, if you stayed his wife, you will also be legally responsible for paying these women your personal money, too.
I understand it is all new and you are probably in shock right now, which is so understandable. But you are going to have to dig deep, and pull yourself together and talk to an attorney so that you don't lose everything you, personally, have.
Yes, you get half of his retirement account, half the house, he will pay you spousal support.... Under the circumstances of why you are leaving him, the courts will favor you.
You are still a young woman, and you will have a new life ahead of you. But you have to get out of this situation first. You're 49 years old, so you have been with him since you were a teenager, and it's the only life you know. And of course that would make this so shocking. But, you have so many years ahead of you, that can be filled with love and happiness and a faithful, honest, good man.
This isn't about me, but him giving me HIV would be the day I leave and never looked back.
Please please take care of your health and consult that attorney. Let us know how that goes. You are going to be okay. But, not with him. Once your shock wears off, you will feel anger and resentment, and due to the nature of what he has done and for so long, there is no way to "get past this". You would be wasting your time and your life trying to understand it or work on it. There really is no coming back from 32 years of him doing this.
I know it's easier said than done, but you need to start right now to get out of this marriage and out of the legal responsibilities of paying those women (should they come forward, and they probably will). His family could take care of him, do not feel any guilt. He brought this on himself. He has to live with his choices. But you.... do not have to live with his choices.
Unless your daughter comes over on a schedule and does caregiving tasks same as you, she doesn't get to decide. There are bad nursing homes and good nursing homes. For those that can benefit from socialization, a good nursing home can be a godsend. Being home alone all day every day with no activities, no socialization is a kind of living death if we think about it. Being abused in a bad nursing home is also a kid of living death. And sometimes it all depends on what kind of assets one has. You have every right to be angry and you have every right to make changes for your own life. If you are caregiving alone 24/7, this can be part of your anger because you are stuck or trapped in a life not of your choosing.
You do have support and encouragement on here and there is a (slow) forum about caregiving. I wish you the best. You are not in an easy position, you are still young. Maybe you decide that your ability to love is deeper than your ability to hate and can come to acceptance and emotional peace. Google the Serenity Prayer if you don't know it.