I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years.  In that time we broke up 3 times.  The most recent one being in October.  We got back together in December.  We had broken up because his drinking had gotten worse and it was affecting me and my kids.  He also was disrespectful to me, never spent quality time with me, barely helped out financially and was increasing angry. He hated his life and seemed to blame it on me.  I provided a roof over his head, internet, and food but it wasn't enough.  He wanted his own space and wanted to do whatever he wanted without anyone having issue with it.  It was him holding himself back cause he spent all his money from his unstable job on weed and beer.  He refused to find a better job.  He became bitter and angry and started drinking more and more.  He would stand outside the apartment for hours just getting wasted then come in completely drunk in front of my children.  Hed even dissapear for a few hours. I couldn't handle it anymore so broke up with him.  We eventually got back together but I had a feeling that he had been cheating on me before we broken up.  I had caught him messaging another woman and denying it and being very weird with his phone.  So I decided to look at his phone while he was sleeping. I felt strongly he had cheated on me.  Turns out he did while we were together before the breakup.  The things he said to this woman about me was horrific and the things he said he wanted to do with her. I confronted him and he denied it until I told him I had proof.  He admitted and said it was because he was unhappy in his life and that I neglected him.  Of course I did cause he was being neglectful and disrespectful to me.  We are together still but I can't trust him anymore.  He doesn't live with me like he did so I worry who hes with and what he's doing when he's gone.  I can't get over the hurt he caused me and the things he said.  How do I trust him again?  Is it possible?