Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

4,945 Members
18,074 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Infidelity Support Group

Why can’t I remember?

newcan
newcan

So here we go. I have lied and lied to myself as well as to my wife. I have made up stories and deceived. It’s been a long drawn out disclosure process on my behalf (which I feel terrible for and knew it was extremely damaging). I have had approximately 10-12 d days. Now (understandably) I have been asked to leave the house and soul search for the rest of what I am forgetting. I am struggling with remembering more details of my past (17yrs). My wife has contacted one of the past affair partners (11yrs ago) and she has said things that I absolutely do not recall. Why can I not recall certain events, timelines etc. All I want is to be completely clear clean and honest. Which I am NOW being honest when I say I can’t remember. Does anyone know of to help recall lost/forgotten memories?

StormPetrel
StormPetrel
Oh, please!
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
I read your other posts that you have a pornography addiction. It seemed in those posts that you remembered dates, etc. And that you were sexting with other women. This post now says you had affairs. I don't know how your wife is supposed to feel about the many years of affairs and lies and secrets that are so very damaging to a marriage.

As far as having no memory... were you drinking at the time? Not an excuse, just asking.

Have you gotten any professional help for your sex addiction?
newcan
newcan
Thank you for your reply Girlincalif. Yes I am seeing a registered sex addiction therapist and am working through that as well as starting to dive into my youth and personal history. No drinking is absolutely no excuse and for most was not impaired by alcohol. My wife is the most beautiful and amazing human being I’ve ever met and I am soooo grateful for her. I can’t ever expect to come close to understanding the trauma that I have caused her. As for my memory it is hard for me to now think of them. I do truly want to remember absolutely everything for her but there are certain things I just cannot remember. I wish I could as this is all I want. I am on my own studying researching and learning everything I possibly can to right my wrongs and finally be the man she so deserves. I am taking 100% responsibility for my actions. As I was the one that made the extremely damaging and hurtful decisions.
forwardmotion
forwardmotion
Probably should ask your therapist. IMO it is something of a Dorian Gray situation where you've done so many things that make it difficult to look at yourself in any good light.

It could be a safety mechanism to protect your self image/ego given the level of sins against your wife who you claim to love.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • GreenEyes727

    Car Insurance Renewal

    Posted by: GreenEyes727
    Last Reply: GreenEyes727
    7
    I'm horrified!  I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000.  I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter.  I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change.  Now this!  I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000.  I guess I have to pay...
  • cedarbrooke

    One Has To Go ????

    Posted by: cedarbrooke
    Last Reply: MelT2020
    7