Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I am 63 and have been married for 40 years, we dated for 3 years before getting married. About 12 years ago I found out my husband had at least 3 affairs during our marriage. We worked through that but then a few years later I caught him going online joining hook-up sites. I filed for divorce but later decided not to leave after he promised to straighten out. It didn't last long. He still looks at porn thinking I don't know about it. We don't have sex or even hold hands. There is no intimacy except for an occasional goodbye and hello hug. We were on a trip a week ago and after watching several couples at the resort hold hands and cuddle I confessed to my husband that I just wanted a relationship where I felt loved and that I would like to hold hands and cuddle. He just sat across from me and said nothing. My husband has always been a good provider and father, I want for nothing materialistically. I am not perfect by any means but I have never cheated on my husband. I have always been supportive of him and traveled across the country with him during his military career while raising 3 wonderful children. We are just like best friends and nothing more. It also tears me up to know that he is still looking at porn. We just go about our lives pretending we are ok. I have reached a crossroads and think it is time to care for the poor lonely person I have become. I am contemplating divorce. What do you think?
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
Have you tried any therapy? Therapy just for you could help you to sort out your feelings and the possible changes in your life.
And another kind of therapy, as in marital counseling could help the two of you to work out better ways of communicating your wants and needs to each other. After 43 years together, one or both sometimes gets into a rut, or takes the other one for granted.
You have changed a lot in 43 years, and he needs to know the person that you are... today.... and what your wants and needs are, now, in order for you to want to continue in this marriage.
I know this is a big decision for you. It sure is a lot to think about. Whatever happens, you will be okay.
Could it be a generational tradition for you to stay?
My generational tradition (gen x here) is to toss the cheater to the curb and get another one. I’m not very satisfied with this ideal. This isn’t the first time I have dealt with infidelity. It is, however, the first time I’ve had any inclination to stay and help work it out, post infidelity.
And I truly understand the anxiety over age. I'm 56 and will be staring at the terrifying abyss of being alone at an age where I don't see much hope of building a new future. On top of losing the center of my world, my heart, hope and future, I have to do it when I feel like yard sale rubbish no one will want. I'm not helping am I? Sorry. I will hope that we both find courage and self value and you stop allowing him to abuse your love and trust and I start believing that the sun WILL rise tomorrow and someone will; find, in me a man worth loving. Well... betting on YOU any way.. ;)
I am tired of feeling unloved. I know he doesn't want the marriage to end but men are content when they can have their cake and eat it too. If we divorce he loses a lot financially. I truly believe that is the reason he stays in addition to the fact he likes my family.
When we were in counseling the counselor asked him if he was reassuring me that he loved me and wanted the marriage to last. He never did. I mean he truly NEVER did. We just went about our daily lives as if nothing had ever happened. He did make it a point to let me know, the few times it came up, that he only cared for one of the women he had an affair with. Also, several years ago we had a good friend whose wife died at the early age of 57. About a week after her death my husband was a little inebriated from drinking port and said to me, without thinking, that he envied _____ (the man whose wife died.) It was a sucker punch to the gut for me. He did not realize what he had said until the next day. When I confronted him about his comment he claimed he did not mean it the way I interpreted it. Really?? I asked him, "what if our friend's daughter had died", would you have envied him then?
Honestly, there are so many things that have happened that scream this man doesn't really care. He has the personality characteristics of a narcissist. I hate to admit this but I know he is not an honest person. Many times he has taken credit for something someone else has done. I once found a toolset in our garage with the initials of a work colleague of his engraved on each tool. When we were dating and he visited my home on our farm I noticed he had a wrench in his back pocket before we left. He told me it was his. I knew he had found it on our property but I chose to ignore it. I just tried to explain things away. Not anymore.
Sorry, this is so long. I'm trying to paint a picture.
I know it's a tough decision. But you are 63 years YOUNG, and maybe you are just tired of living with this kind of situation. The lying, the cheating, not affectionate, the stealing... I mean, enough is enough, you know?
It's tough because you have known him for so long. He has become - familiar. But just because you have known him a long time doesn't mean you have to stay with him for the rest of your life. This is YOUR life. You should be happy.
Do you have friends, family, that you can turn to for support? I know you tried therapy before, but maybe a new therapist could help you to sort out your feelings.
You're right. He probably is just sticking around because it will cost him too much to divorce. But that's too bad for him! He is having his fun on "hook up sites" and you don't deserve to be disrespected like that. He can't have it both ways.
I really believe you are going to be okay. You really don't have to live like this. You deserve to be happy. There is so much life ahead of you. Think about how you want to spend the rest of your life. It's never too late to start a new, happy, honest relationship with someone new. Lots of people out there are looking for a partner. We only get to live one life. Is this really how you wanted to spend yours? Some things to think about...
I wish you much good luck!