Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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/ Infidelity Support Group

What Should I Do?

Brokenhearted2019
Brokenhearted2019

My husband & i were married almost 6 months ago. Everything was fine (or so i thought), & i was still basking in the wedded bliss stage of our marriage. Then, to my horror, i found online conversations between him & at least 2 other women that he had been texting just 2 months after our wedding! These were not your typical platonic male/female conversations, either. I think they may have started out that way, but then one or both of them started calling each other honey, sweetie, & sending each other the kiss emoji. My husband even went as far as telling these other women that he thought that they looked very beautiful, & sexy in their profile pictures. Then, he told one of the women that he wished that he could kiss her again & again, missed talking to her when she wasn't online, & wished that she was there with him! All the while, he was still telling me that he loved me, that i made him happy, & that he was glad that i was his wife. Then, he admitted to me that he had also been watching porn online about 8-10 times in a 2 month period! He also admitted to me that a female friend of his was actually an ex girlfriend, & he didn't originally tell me that because he was afraid of losing me. Since i found out about all of this, he has stopped texting other women online, stopped watching porn, & has cut off all communication with the ex girlfriend. He says that he wants to save our marriage, & we're both going to couples counseling. He's also been recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder, is taking meds for it, & is seeing a psychiatrist, & other counselors & therapists. He's also going to a sex addiction support group that he really likes going to. He's very optimistic about our future together. Me, on the other hand, am still hurt, angry, confused, feeling betrayed, lied to, manipulated, used, abused, & played, & I'm having a hard time getting over it! 

Marriagevows
Marriagevows
You won't get over this for some time, if ever. You need to be in support groups and also getting counseling. I know because I am a spouse of someone who is a recovering sex addict.
I wish you the best.
Brokenhearted2019
Brokenhearted2019
Thank you, & yes, i know that i need to be in counseling not only to try & save my marriage, but also for the trauma that it caused me, & i need to seek out help for myself so that i can heal, & move on.
Aronia
Aronia
Here is what I have learned from my past experience with 3 cheaters: what you know now is only a tiny part of what has been going on and what will happen in the future.
You know only what you were able to catch. It is likely that he has been cheating throughout your whole relationship.
I am so sorry he deceived you. I hope you will be able to get through this, no matter what the outcome is
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
I agree with Aronia. And also it makes a difference if they - got caught - as opposed to they came to you on their own, with great remorse, and confessed what they had been doing without your knowledge, and begging your forgiveness....

The ones that *got caught* typically don't stop their behavior. They don't want to. You "ruined their fun"!

Yes, please get individual counseling for yourself as well.
Marriagevows
Marriagevows
I also agree with Aronia. What you have learned is only the surface of what has occurred if your husband is a sex addict. I do not agree with the fact that people who are "found out" don't change. An addicted state is an emotional problem. Do your own research and you will find the answers.
God Bless!!
Brokenhearted2019
Brokenhearted2019
I'm wondering if the sex addiction & the bipolar disorder are related? Is the addiction a symptom of bipolar? I know that even with that, there's still no excuse for his online infidelity, but it might at least better explain his behavior for me.
MemphisWH
MemphisWH
He will not change, unless he wants to.
You can not force him to change, or even want him to change.
He has been doing this the entire time and you only catch him out of chance or snooping. But you found it and now he has to defend himself.
If he was a sex addict, then you two would have been worn out and not able to walk. Addicts lose jobs, friends, family, money, and time.
Drugs, gambling, porn, drinking, or any addiction is not cured over night, it takes almost as long to recover as it lasted. Some never recover just able to control it to function.
You need to be working on yourself, and your self esteem. It takes work and hard work to recover. He might never result from the desires.
Brokenhearted2019
Brokenhearted2019
My husband's bipolar meds have been adjusted, he's seeing a psychiatrist, counselor, therapist, & we're both seeing a couple's counselor. He's also going to a sex addiction support group. He keeps saying that he wants to save our marriage. I think that he really does, but he has no clue as to how to go about doing that, because one of the things that has been brought up in counseling is the fact that he's got a very low self-esteem. He says that he loves me. I think that he does, but he needs to learn how to love himself, first. I also need to really look at myself, too, & see what kind of issues that i might have that would cause me to be with someone who treats me the way that he did.
Marriagevows
Marriagevows
I think you are on the right track. Stay positive, get some help and pray. God will help you if you ask him to.
Brokenhearted2019
Brokenhearted2019
Amen to that! Yes, He will!
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