Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Good afternoon. I am new to this forum. I'm looking for some support with trying to determine whether I should finalize or not finalize a divorce (and wait and see where my feelings sit).
My wife and I were married for 10 years (30s into our younger 40s); we have 2 young children, and I have 1 older one who lost her mother. My wife recently, 7 months ago, cheated on me with another women (who also has children and is married to another woman). The cheating happened over a 1 week period, but the emotional relationship was around 3 months. My wife had expressed feelings for this lady 2 months earlier than the emotional relationship, but the other lady did not know my wifes' feelings for her at the time. My wife told me she had been feeling suffocated in our house for 3-4 years, mostly due to her and my daughter not talking, and that she had lost herself.
Since the affair was discovered, we have separated, and I am in a better place. I am trying to determine whether or not I should finalize a divorce (we have a separation agreement in place). I don't know if I can ever trust her again. I have read on many occassions where even in a recovered relationship, the one that was cheated on has difficulty trusting indefinately.
I know this is limited information, but can provide more context when requested.
Thank you for anyone's help.
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I know this is stupid, but after not being able to find a job after graduation for almost two years, I ended up just taking an online teaching job because I couldn't find anything in my field. I was trying to get out of teaching and I feel so devastated. I felt this crushing feeling when I signed the paperwork and when I was in the meetings. I know that sounds so dramatic but it is how I felt. It...
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Woke up feeling very emotional and about to clock in at my place of employment. And can't place it all in writing but not been a good experience with my store manager or his boss. Defamation of my character is a concern. I've been losing appetite and weight. Trying to perform at work to keep myself from hospitalization as a result of toxic masculinity.
Of course, it takes two people to work to make a good marriage. It isn't just her fault, although this note is her telling you she is done and has wanted out of the marriage for a long time. "I felt really lost and stuck and uneasy." The affair was her way of ending the marriage without having to come out and say she wants to end the marriage. Kind of like doing something so outrageous that you would "take charge" and divorce her. Then in her own mind, she is part victim of you.
This note shows her taking some responsibility. "Trying isn't the right choice for me" is a weak way of saying I want out of this marriage and do not want to try to make it work.
You have your answers and for that I am grateful. On the other hand, I am really sorry because this probably feels like rejection, and a huge loss, and a lot of emotional pain. I am not sure she was ever honest with you and she indicates that in her notes. She probably was not even honest with herself.
You are free now to initiate the divorce, feel your feelings of loss and work towards creating a good new life. I read in her note that she lacks a lot of self insight and has sort of been pretending in the role of wife to you. Many of us do this kind of thing because we can't face being different or not wanting what the culture tells us we should want. You were sort of married to a ghost person, someone not being her true self.
I feel for you and hope you can see this beyond doing that total shame, guilt, self blame stuff. Own your part but don't try to own her part. You could not have made her "want" you more. I wish you the absolute best in all of this.