Hi Ransom,

Good to hear from you. It can take a long time to get past infidelity and get things back on track again. There is no set time frame really.

How are things going with therapy... do you feel it is helping you?

From your other posts, there does seem to be some co-dependency issues going on, from him, and from you. Maybe you could address that in therapy? He said before that you don't have to love him, as long as you don't leave him... and that puts pressure on you, you know? Feeling stuck, or tending to his needs more than you are tending to your own needs, in your life and in your relationship. YOU matter too!

Also, check Amazon for books about relationships, getting past infidelity, co-dependency, etc. Lots of good reading out there. Books helped me. Or read some articles online about these things.

And I hope you are keeping up with your self care. Don't worry so much about him and what he thinks... concentrate on you and YOUR life, outside of him. Do you have friends, hobbies, things you go out and do without him? You have a life, too!

I learned the hard way that we can be independent and still need others. We can need others without being “needy” it’s literally us and not them .we need to get out of our own way,

Have you tried counseling together? This could be a really great tool to help you both feel heard and needed. It's hard when two people are so similar. We are here for you anytime you need to vent. Hugs to you. Things will improve soon.

Thank you all…. I have been in counseling for a while. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without her. I’m to the point now though that I’m feeling like maybe she’s done all she can for me. Like maybe this is just who I am now. It makes me sad to think that might be true. But at the same time, maybe I’m just frustrating myself and making it worse by trying to be something I’m not. Some people just seem to have that kind of life. Maybe I’m one of them. Idk. I’m not trying to sound dramatic or pessimistic. I’m just considering the possibility that this is my reality. These are the cards I’ve been dealt. They aren’t going to change and I’m making myself feel even worse by trying to force it to be different. I really just don’t know what to do.

There's always room in life for more self improvement. I understand some of how we are has to do with our childhood, but we are adults now, and there is always the ability to change and become a stronger, happier, and more assertive person in life. You can change anything about yourself, personality-wise.

I know what you mean about therapists. They run out of ideas. That's usually a sign to find a new therapist. Each one has new and fresh ideas, and they have different personalities. I am in therapy for anxiety, and I have learned new things from each therapist I have had. I am on my 5th therapist in 25 years, and I have learned new stuff from each one! So, look around for a new therapist. It will get you energized and optimistic about life again, once you hear some new ideas.

I would suggest looking into a new therapist soon. Get some new, fresh, inspiring ideas. To get excited again about life! You have so much life ahead of you to live. Not all therapists are alike.... not at all! A new one will get you energized!

In the meanwhile, look up articles online or check Amazon for books about co-dependency, how to get past infidelity, how to have a good relationship.... use Search words like that. Lots of good information out there.

You're doing great.... give yourself a break... you're doing the best you can under the circumstances. And make sure and get out and do things with friends, family. Have your own separate life from him. It will keep you feeling positive and fulfilled.

Good luck.. you got this!!! :)

Thank you. ♥️ I actually met with her today and she actually brought up the idea of some new strategies that she’s been exploring with some of her colleagues. I like the fact that she’s so willing to learn new things in order to help me. She’s looking into different options for me to possibly use in addition to working with her. That has me hopeful today…

Hi,

I'm just getting into this thread so don't know your whole story but it sounds like you've mentioned having a personal therapist not a couple therapist and I think some of the posts here suggested couples therapy. Perhaps the next step is not focusing on improving you but focusing on improving the relationship and he needs to be a part of that process. It takes two to tango

Hi,
I don't know your full story either but I can relate to abandonment and rejection issues. I also massively relate to feeling like nothing seems to help to get over this and excepting that actually this is just us. I don't like this part of me, I wear my heart on my sleeve and love deeply but I feel like I never get the same back. I feel sad that my husband hasn't wanted to be more loving but maybe that's because I give off the impression that I'm strong and independent but at the same time I just felt safe and secure with him so didn't make enough effort to let him breathe and us to have fun without each other. He has a job that entails long hours so wanted to be with him when he wasn't working. That all being said, he has cheated and I have asked him to move out as he also doesn't know if he really loves me and I can't live with the uncertainty anymore. I don't know how I'm ever going to now really fix myself, I'm at a loss. My counsellor thinks I tried to get my husband to fix the inner child in me and it's time I do that myself. Just don't know how.
What steps are you going to take with your therapist? I hope so much you find the answers you need

I wish you all didn’t understand but it does make me feel less alone.
Thank you….

I understand as well. You aren’t necessarily saying you have “Daddy Issues” per se. It’s more the fear of being abandoned. Left alone. Unloved. Not loved enough. If we didn’t have an issue in the past with this, it might be much easier to say “Get out” and basically, “F off” but it’s so hard because it’s scarey and it hurts worse when it feels like you are the common denominator in multiple abandonment situations.