That's terrible. I am so sorry you are going through this. You have come to the right place to get out your feelings and emotions and talk to others here that have gone through the same thing.

Now that he's been caught, what is the plan for healing this, or will it be separation?

Is he remorseful, is he going to stop ALL contact with any of these women or any other new women?

Thanks for your reply. 2 of the encounters were 9 years ago 1 encounter was 5 years ago and the most recent was 9 months ago. So according to him all contact with them all have ended many years ago with the first 3 I mentioned. The recent ended 9 months.

He was only caught bc the encounter from 5 years ago told a friend during lunch. I confronted him and then he confessed to that and shared about the others.

My therapist is walking me through this. Her recommendation is to not make any decisions but focus on self care and my personal healing. He seems remorseful and has joined a men’s group as well as a therapist who specializes in infidelity this to dig deep into the why. I refuse to do any couples therapy at this point bc that would mean I made a decision to stay and since my future plans are unknown I need to see how much work he puts in as well as learn more about my self care and healing.

I’’m so disgusted with him. He always appear still be a man of God who I could trust. We never had any major issues except he was living this double life

Things got so bad mentally that my primary care Dr put me on Lozopram so I can sleep at night bc my mind races.

Although I have a relationship with God, I feel lost. Never thought this would be my life :(

We all have our own perception of people. Just, because someone believes in God does not make them anymore trustworthy then someone who does not. I am a christian and believe very much in God, but I do not believe in religion. I was born and raised in the catholic religion and spent 10 years in catholic school (preschool thru 8th grade). One thing I learned at a young age was a lot of people sin all week and run to church on Sunday to beg forgiveness and then start all over.

I feel it belongs more with a person's moral compass then religion. I would not cheat on my wife, but my last wife cheated on me for several months with several men. Then ended up leaving me without a second thought. The lies were the only constant thing coming from her. I was so naive and believed she love me and wanted to work things out. I stayed with her a year after her adulteries and then she moved out saying to work on herself and then our marriage. Well she started working on another guy right from the start and keeping me on the hook with lies. Once I found out I filed for divorce.

I am so sorry you have to feel this pain! I have of nothing more then ending my existence since my divorce. I see nothing worth living for after the betrayal. I only feel sadness and anger! I am trying counseling and medication and other things to find myself again, but nothing helps. I just want it all to go away.

I am sorry my words probably wont help you much, but I do understand what your going through. You don't deserve this. Trust will at best be questioned for the rest of your life if you stay with him. My wife turned everything around and made it all my fault. Everything she said was a lie and never happened, but she thought it was gospel. I pray for her soul and that God can forgive her, but I am not there yet.

Thanks for sharing and I’m sorry you are feeling n so much pain. I hope you realize that your ex wife is the one with issues. Based on her lies and actions I suspect she’s had childhood trauma that is causing her to act in this manner, My faith is God and his bible does say that the heart is deceitful among all things. I saw some red flags in my spouse do to how his father slept with many women and abandoned his children. I just thought my spouse had the ability to break the chain. He sees the need help for help regardless on what happens on our marriage.

I hope you continue to live. Your life is precious and worthy. Don’t let someone’s stupidity and shortcomings make you feel less. Look for what makes you happy. Go out and feel the sunlight on your face, listen to the birds or play sounds of the ocean (if you aren’t near one) I’ve had dark moments of wanting to end it but it was little Joy’s in life that keeping me going.. Get out of the pit and live.

Well stated DS89… the pain is real and many, including myself, find it hard to cope. When your whole reality has shifted you tend to question what is or what was ever true. While we all hurt and have been through some sort of deceit and pain, I do have to say I am happy to hear I’m not alone in this. Even if we are anonymous because we feel it’s safer to share this way, I have found that sharing my story with others and hearing support from others that that survived or are going through similar situations has given me a little more strength than I had before. Stay strong.