I know you posted about this before... have you talked to him about getting professional help, as in therapy, counseling, etc?

This has nothing to do with you.

But since this is a problem in your marriage, something has to be done. It doesn't seem he can stop on his own, since he has been looking at porn since I think you said age 12. And before, he said he would stop, then he can't. That is why a professional can help him. Google online for "Sex Addiction". Hopefully you will find some therapists in your city that he can go see.

Hi thank you, he did stop and he hasn't done it since that post and since I caught him before. But I discovered new things, like he searched for categories before I caught him. We have gotten into couples therapy and its been helping him, but its not much help for me individually. We are looking for a therapist for me but haven't had any luck yet, so I was going to see anyone's opinions on it here.

I do think you going to individual counseling will help you tons. Please do pursue this.

As long as the categories he was looking at aren't illegal, I mean they have all kinds of categories on porn sites.

Hurtingwife,
This by no means may make you feel any better. I have no doubt that what he is looking at has anything to do with you or that he is looking for something else. If I was to guess, he feels insecure about himself. That has nothing to do with how you and his relationship is either. i'm not saying deal with it, I'm not saying it's right or wrong. That is between him and you. I will say that it's not crazy, unless he is into something really deep that you are not comfortable with. Women physically develop earlier then men, then men become very for a lack of better words "horny and sexual" , then females catch back up around the age of 30 or so. Not sure why, but I do believe it to be true.

Ok, I. Going to say what I think. Looking at porn isn’t cheating (IMO). If you have asked him to cease because you won’t accept it within your relationship, that’s absolutely fine.

But it’s not a multi billion industry for no reason. We are all natural voyeurs to a degree and erotic materials have always existed.

You say he searches for disturbing things. I’m not sure what this means. It may mean the authorities need to be involved at worst. But may just be unpalatable to you at best.

No one can be all things for another. There are things I like to watch that I don’t like to do. There are things I like to do that I’d never watch. Each person expresses their submissive and dominant fantasies differently.

Maybe rather than making things taboo you could explore your fantasies together

@defdean343
My Christian partner and I sat down and agreed at the start of our relationship that even just looking at porn is cheating, neither of us would accept it from the other. However, he hasn't just looked, he has had an addiction. It has hurt our relationship in so many ways. I am not at all a prude, we've done plenty of taboo things together, even some of the things he's searched up on the site. We're both willing to try anything with eachother, and only with eachother. Porn is not only with eachother, that is him seeking something, someone, else to be satisfied with. It's destroyed my confidence, faith in the relationship, and trust in him. Some couples may agree that it's okay to watch, but my partner and I agreed that it wasn't okay and that it was cheating. And he did it anyway, therefore cheating. Porn, cheating, has done nothing but take away from our relationship and he agrees with that.

I understand. And yes, he broke your agreement. I understand.

I didn’t mean to imply anything negative. As you said, it was something you agreed on at the beginning

My husband also had issues early on in our marriage and was able to overcome them. Porn has actually become a public health crisis in our world today and many say is worse than drugs. Did you know that girls as young as 12 and up and boys are trafficked, forced into pornography through slavery via drugs and find it very difficult to break free. In addition, a large amount of scientific research has shown that porn has detrimental negative effects on the brain that makes the person continue to want more and more. It desensitizes the brain. Just like drugs, it hijacks the brains reward system. It personifies women as objects and can be very violent. As a result, sexual abuse is on the rise and it ruins relationships. The good news is that there is help out there. I encourage you to read up on this crisis and seek help and counseling right away. If you would like some resources to help you I will be happy to supply them. Please let me know.