I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am not an expert on relationships, but it is hard to say what will happen to you and your husband. I divorced my husband for similar reasons, but I was young then and rebuilding my life was not impossible.
For starters - there is NO excuse for him cheating and putting your health and well being at risk for selfish reasons. Until he shows complete and full remorse for that alone, healing will not begin.
Your marital problems are normal - many people have problems, but they don’t go out looking for whores.
It would be good I feel he could give you some physical space and leave for a while.
Don’t make any decisions about divorce right now, you will probably need at least 6 months to get yourself together.
You will get through this, no matter what happens.
His infidelity is not your fault. Hugs

Thank you for your feedback. I dont know who to talk to - counseling is not weekly and i feel i need that- i do think some space would be a good thing.
I dont think he gets it- i keep getting those visions in my head- feel like posting it for the world to see Everyone thinks he is such a good guy and i want to tell them so bad.
I get mad so fast and do things out of character -my daughter said I am letting him get control of me- what can I do to do things for myself and not let him control my thoughts and life . I dont want him to think i cant do without him.

Loosingitbad......I have read your story and, as you have read in my post, I totally understand your pain. I am here for you and you are wrong.....you DO have someone to talk to. You can talk to me any time.

I suggest that you AND your husband read the book Transcending Post Infidelity Stress Disorder. it is a GREAT book. It is all about the CS and what he/she did to you. it also has a section in there about the betrayed and what role they played and what they should do now.

it starts by stating that "it is unlove that makes people unwell and it is love alone that can make them well again". that is deep cause if you want to get better YOUR SPOUSE is the one that will help you do it. he has to help you and the book tells him how. trust me, my wife is helping me and it makes a difference. no it will NEVER get rid of the visions or the thoughts. But it will sure as hell help you deal with them when they come.

if he is unwilling to read the book. if he is unwilling to be accountable. if he is unwilling to give you access to his phone, his email and the such then honestly he is unwilling to make it right. and if he is unwilling to make it right he isn't worth keeping. it took my wife a couple of weeks (more like 3-4) AND reading the book for her to get it. so do not despair if he doesn't get it right now. I promise you that if you BOTH read the book you will be fine. and if he refuses to read the book, YOU READ IT ANYWAYS!!! even though the book really isn't for you, if you read it you will see what he is SUPPOSED to be doing and will be able to judge whether it is worth your effort.

in the mean time i STRONGLY suggest you do the following: 1) find a boxing class. trust me, being able to hit something over and over will truly help you. 2) if you can't find a boxing class, go to Walmart, buy some gloves and a bag, go home and hit it yourself. your routine should be crying, hitting, crying, hitting, sleep. 3) and lastly, if you ever need to talk, message me and I will be right there. I will send you information so you can reach me directly if need be. NO ONE should EVER go through this alone.

Hi, I just wanted to jump in and add that individual counseling for yourself may also be helpful for you in addition to the couples counseling. It’s true that the marriage needs to heal (if you choose that direction) but you need to heal as well. Good luck to you! Hugs!

The book how to help your spouse heal from your affair. By Linda MacDonald
Basically explains to the CS what they need to do and why it’s a short read

I would like to thank you all for your support- I am happy I found this site-
I have just ordered 1 of the books and looking forward to reading it.
I promise myself 6months to 1 yr to see where things are and how i feel.
Boxing class sounds like a great idea along with individual counseling

I am having a hard time watching him like nothing happen- the thought of him lying to me pretending he was going to his school to check alarm is heart wrenching.

The trust is so hard to gain back. I still don’t trust him. He knows it. He accepts it. I don’t even have to ask anymore. He tells me where he’s going, who’s going to be there. Which route he’s taking.. to ease my mind he may take one our adult son with him.
He says it matter of fact so I don’t drill him. It was 50 questions every time he’d walk out the door. Not anymore.

Does it ever get better
I have so much hatred for him- i wish him bad things
There are times i am ok and wants to move forward and other times I am in the toilet. I hate living like this somewhere I feel its over and I need to move on wit my life.

The level of love/trust can't be restored fully. There is always residual damage.

Some can make it pretty far back depending on the work the CS does and the ability of the BS to forgive.

Every situation is different. There are some BSes that this truly is a deal breaker and there are those who can move past it to some degree.

past week has been a struggle- cant get my head out of the dump. My daughter feels i should not give him this much power over me- he does not deserve it. I am working hard to get myself together.

As the others have suggested, have you looked into getting individual counseling for yourself? You said the current counseling (for both of you?) is not weekly and that you need that, so either ask your marriage counselor for more sessions, or find a different one that has more openings. So sorry you are going through this. I do think this is all going to take time, and a lot of work on HIS part to show he is trustworthy and that he is serious about making this marriage work. Your daughter does not understand, she is not the one that is going through what you are going through. Not on the same level you are. You keep working on yourself, find your own life outside of him (friends, hobbies). Exercise helps release the angry feelings too. Keep us posted.

you are both at the age, where you both know that he choose to put you at risk for chronic disease

keep rereading that because he will do so again

and again

he is not to be trusted

Its hard to trust him again- it will never be the same. Our daughter hardly talks to him if at all. Our son 22 is different - he talks to him more often.
I try hard to keep my sanity for my health- i was told I have high blood pressure and so now i need to focus on me- but I will never tell him everything again.