Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Im new to this group. Im at a point in my life that I need some neutral insight. Im sorry for this lengthy post but I want to explain where Im at and what Im facing.
My husband and I will have been married 28 years in March. We have one grown child that still lives with us. We were both raised Christian and we raised our son with Christian values even though we didnt attend church. I had been noticing him pull away for some time. Id tease him from time to time and ask him about his girlfriend. He just would get mad. I begin trying to do anything to try and reconnect with him. I was working and paying 95% of all our bills and paying for any dates or activities we did. He has always been kind of secretive our entire marriage. He keeps all his electronic devices password protected but mine arr open. He regurarly picks up to look thru or take weird selfies I would find at odd timea. He knew everything that went on with me. Ive always been honest with him. We had an argument a few months back and he told me he didnt feel like I appreciated him that he felt like an employee in our house. What!?! I do everything for thr man. I ask him to run to the store, take some trash out, abd help out from time to time but thats it. I cover his part of the bills frequently cause he never has enough money despite making close to what I make. I try to remember to say thank you when he does things and Im always talking good things to those around us. Anyone who knows us would say we were the perfect couple, in fact they have. They wish their marriages were as good as ours. Well around Christmas I had had enough with the loofness so I asked him what was going on why he waa so distanst. He admitted he had been talking and had meet with a girl for a few months. I was floored and devasted to say the least. I asked him about her. He wont tell me anything. He is protecting her at all costs. I have no idea where or how they met/meet so Im just unhinged because I dont know how to process al of this. We have had a few talks over the past weeks and he told me he wanted a divorce, said he loved me but wasnt "in love" with me anymore. That wa a knife to the heart after I had just told him I loved him more than my own breath. I told hom to get out. If he loved her so much then go be with her. All he would say is that is complicated. It has left me at the opinion that she is possibly married herself or is someone we both know. I didnt want this emotional distress in my home. He is refusing to leave and he doesnt want people to know he cheated on me. He came back yesterday and aaid he was willing to give counceling a shot to see if we could make it work. I was happy till I told him that would mean he had to say goodbye to her. If it was going to work and we were going to really make it happen then we had to be willing to give each other 100% and if he is still talking and seeing her hes not doing that. He is still living in the sin he created. How am I suppose to learn to rebuild truat wirh him knowing he is still with her. At tbis point I dont even know if I can with us giving it 100% or not. I dont know if I can ever forgive him. He hurt me deeply with what he has done and the things he said to me. I gave this man my everything. Am I being selfish or asking too much for him to walk away from her if we both agree to do the councdling or is this already dead and doomed and I need to cut my loses and get on with my life and find someone who wants to be with me and will love me as mich as I love them?
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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I'd suggest, opening a separate bank account if you don't already have one. No longer fund his free ride. He has no money because he's probably spending it on his "plus-one" Force him to split every household cost till he moves out. Make him pay you in cash, don't rely on him to make a payment himself.
File for separation as soon as you can, this will prevent him from creating debt in both your names. You still have a child living at home, ask your lawyer if you can claim child support.
There's plenty of men out there so don't waste a second more with yours. Start looking now, no one's getting any younger.
Lastly, fuck him over the same as he's done to you.
We already have seperate accounts and he has no access to my income other than constantly borrowing from me because something in our home is about to be turned off.
As for f$%*>@, him, even though I feel like he deserves it and then some I dont think I could do that. It is just not my nature. Im not above running my mouth but actually doing something to him like he has done to me I cant stoop that low. What he has become is really sad and pathetic. I hope he and she will be happy togther but like I told him, if they cheated on others to be together what makes him think they wont cheat on each other in the future when the bordeom has set in and she realizes all his flaws. Right now he is blaming me for everything that has happened but truth be told his actions are what put us where we are. Besides, any wrarh I can dish out would never be as sweet or as wrenching as what the Lord will have in store for those two when they least expect it. I just hope I get to hear about how karma bit them in the ass.
I suggest that you should just file divorce because he will no longer have interest in you just end the relationship, as for your child since you are a mother I know you can take care of him, despite my parents divorce when I was 8 and I live with my father and I have bad experience with my stepmothers but for you just take care of your child but if there is a chance to reconcile that the best option.
Your profile age seems to me that you two got together as teenagers. And unfortunately, couples that get together so young run into all kinds of problems later on. Perhaps he thought the "grass is greener", or he wondered what he was missing out on. This does NOT excuse ANY of what he did. But maybe offers you some kind of explanation as to Why.
And why is he being so secretive about the money... I am guessing he has been sending her money. Money that should be going to YOU and YOUR marriage. And what does that mean, that he hasn't been contributing anything financially to this marriage for the whole time??
You are absolutely correct. For ANY chance of this marriage being saved, he must completely cut off ALL contact with this other woman. And any other women. He must be completely remorseful and 100% dedicated to gaining your trust back. He must be all in.
So sorry about all of this. It is sad. You must consult a divorce attorney. Especially since he is hiding money. When you two divorce, you will get half of everything, including his money (what he hasn't spent on other women already), half the house, half of his retirement account, spousal support..... you are entitled to so much, financially, so please see an attorney to make sure you get what is your fair share. Even if you think you are "okay" financially on your own now, you never know what could happen with you and your job, and besides, you are entitled to half of everything. Maybe that can be the "karma" that you are seeking out of this.
You are going to be okay. It wasn't your fault.
Open a separate account immediately and transfer your money into it. File for divorce immediately. As part of that, ask for a court order to remove him from the home. You will never trust him again, no matter how much counseling you get. He’s secretive, so you will always wonder what he’s doing. I am married to a man just like him.
You didn’t ruin this 28 year marriage. He did! Your marriage won’t survive that enormous betrayal. Get out now so you don’t become any further invested in his bull$h!t.
Go focus on your own healing. Stop worrying about his feelings. He sure as hell isn’t concerned about yours. He will continue to use you to support him and her as long as he can. Once she’s free to move in with him, he will dump you anyway.
Get ticked off enough at him that you can get through it. Join a support group. Go out with friends and forget him.
You are going to be just fine. He’s the jerk here, not you. Don’t give him another second of your love. He’s lost all rights to that.
Mine I think only wanted to keep a roof over his head too, I unfortunately don’t have a job yet like you (I’m studying so I can get out) I have an 8 yr old.
In your situation (coz it seems so similar to mine) I would say ask your minister to tell him to leave.
Hope it goes well for you, hugs
Man who was my best friend and whole life. The betrayal and everything that followed was unbelievable. We are still together however, we separated for 6 months. My story is so embarrassing. I need a place to talk cause I keep it bottle up. We can not communicate bc he gaslights me. I can’t stand it. I know what I know, as I was a pretty damn good investigator since he wouldn’t tell me or be honest. Even 4 years later!
I can say with 99% certainty that any person that insists on maintaining any sort of relationship with the side-gig is not serious about working on your relationship.
Any contact with this woman is unnecessary and destructive to your marriage and rebuilding trust.
If you discuss this with multiple therapists they will confirm that a monogamous relationship is not compatible with his behavior.
I hope you will be able to either work it out or separate from him. You don’t have to divorce him right away, but a lot of people realize what they lost after they begin living on their own. It is hard, but it made me realize that I got rid of a terrible person who was poisoning my life. My husband realized that he was wrong.