Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Abridged. Married 26 years ago this past Sept. 16 years ago he had an emotional affair with a minor (babysitter). Now this time it was sexual. Been feeling something was off for MONTHS, though it was my anxiety and depression. I went off my meds for a month and was having ptsd type reponses to little "discoveries" (small amount of cash hidden in a book, in a box, at the bottom of underwear drawer). He had an explanation. Jewelry store receipt for taking his (female) coworkers bracelet in for repairs. We haven't had meaningful conversation in I dont know how long. Sex is maybe once every few months, if that often and most times he can't. I think its me. I got fat after 4 kids. I cant seem to take off the weight. 5'2 and 210# no wonder he doesn't want me. He is lonely (no friends, no family nearby). I am lonely (no friends, few family nearby). He says things have been off for years, so who knows how long he's been getting what he needs elsewhere. (He sought out an online chat group an connected with another married woman) Finally coaxed the reveal out yesterday. He says hes not done with us, but he also cant seem to find his way back to how he used to feel about me. I was broken for so long after the first betrayal. But i didn't get help. I buried it and we ran away. (Moved away from the neighborhood where SHE was, them moved to another state). We finished raising our kids...they grew up...went to college. Only one at home now. I started talking with a therapist. He kept saying nothing was wrong. We were fine. The whole time he was engaging with this other woman. Its only been a week since he saw her last. I cant eat, i cant sleep, i feel like im going to puke constantly. I dont know where to go from here. Im 47. If he doesn't want me, how will i ever find anyone who will? Who is going to want this wrinkled saggy sad used up person I've become? How do i find the will to do anything other than sit here and weep? I never planned on being alone in life. If I lose him completely, how do i reconcile to being alone the rest of my life? I feel so utterly broken. And hopeless.
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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He slept with a minor? This sounds more than cheating. He is committing criminal acts.
Please do not feel that you have to stay with him, for fear of being alone. Because you would not stay alone for long, but taking time for yourself might be just what you need right now. You got married at age 21. This is the only life you know.
47 is still young. Believe me, you would have no problem finding someone else. If you think you are overweight (I don't know if you are or not, but you wrote that), start exercising (which will help your self esteem and overall mood), cut back on calories. Do this for you.... not for him, or anyone else. Exercising does help with lifting your mood and helping your self esteem. Try walking at first. This will help you to feel better.
I would seriously consider divorce, especially with him sleeping with a minor. Being married to a criminal/pedophile is not what you want in your life. You deserve so much better for your life. Getting a divorce might be the best thing you can do in a situation such as this. He made these choices. You had absolutely nothing to do with why he is doing what he is doing.
Also, many husbands will try to talk you out of divorce, or give you false hope that he will make the marriage work, etc.... such as what he said to you. The reason is, the husband will lose a lot financially when you divorce him. So they will say anything to prevent that. But you need to do what you need to do for YOUR life. And, your kids' lives too.
You are strong, you will get through this.
How we find the will is one day at a time and involves getting our depression medicines and therapy going, and doing healthy things for our body and mind. Just starting to try. I know I make it simple and it is not simple. No one has a magical or easy life. We all have to force ourselves out of bed each morning or force ourselves to exercise or walk away from the cookies (speaking for myself only). So we decide, this is our goal and we will do it. Do not try. We have to decide, here we go I am all in. You won't feel good about yourself until you are where you want to be weight wise and mental health wise it sounds like. You are doing this for yourself. No matter what happens in the marriage, this is for yourself. Because you have value and worth even if you don't see it now. One year from now, you life could look very different and much happier.
You can self blame and be miserable with the husband or decide enough is enough and change your path. And you get to choose. So let's say perhaps your depression and going off meds and weight gain has made your husband unhappy in the marriage. Let's just say it out loud. But let's also say you loose 100 pounds, get all kinds of plastic surgery, and guess what -- he still isn't happy in the marriage. What if, you picked a guy with serious character flaws and lack of integrity and you either put up with that forever or you decide. Or maybe you start working on you and find that your marriage is changed because you are changed.
What if a door is now opening and you end up having a better and happier life - alone or not alone. Are you willing to pull that door wide open?
Being with a man, any man, is no guarantee for happiness. You have this mixed up. Being alone might just be the start of your path to happiness. Is he like an addiction for you or you tell yourself you are nothing without a man? Many of us women do this because culturally we are told we need a man. But you are not happy or healthy living the life you are living so you can change if you decide you are willing. Baby steps. One day at a time.
Oprah once famously said that the heavy weight gain is self protection. That people put on all those pounds to have a body that protects their spirit, soul, the emotions. I've often wondered about this. I wish you the best.
My husband had an affair and ended up leaving, and it was a blessing in disguise. I couldn't see it at the time, but he had no desire to help our family or put me first. I think it can be better to be alone than to be in an unhealthy situation. I know it's not ideal but I believe that you can face anything. You are strong and beautiful and worthy!
Good for you! Practicing self care is the best thing you can do for yourself right now. Good job! Keep going out, and seeing and talking to your friend, start exercising... which will really lift your mood and self esteem. And try eating healthier. Taking good care of YOU is so important to your physical and mental well being.
The fact that he had any inappropriate interaction with a minor, whether it be yesterday or four years ago, is very concerning. He could very well do something like that again. I would not defend what he did. It's criminal. I understand you wanting to try marriage counseling, so that you feel like you did try everything you could.
You're doing great! Keep up the great work.
I am so sorry that you are going through this again. I know this pain you are experiencing, but as others have said please don't blame yourself. This has to do with his integrity. I remember when Tiger Woods was cheating on his wife and so many people said OMG why would he cheat on her, she is a gorgeous super model.... you being overweight is not the reason he did this--- so please please don't take this upon yourself. He could have chosen to talk to you, he could have chosen to walk away and not cheat.. he chose not to do the right things.. As others have said, take care of yourself right now.. Let him do the work and see where that leads. He needs a counselor... he needs to make you feel safe.. he needs to show you accountability. You don't need to make a final decision right now if it feels to hard.. take a beat.. Lean on a friend right now... do little things to bring you happiness... keep taking those walks.. watch a Christmas movie... get your hair done.. eat off a fancy plate.. pray for peace during this difficult time. Faith is what got me through the worse experience in my life... . whatever it is that can bring you a little bit of solace at this time, God Bless.
I'm keeping my moms dog till after the first of the year. The dog has been a Godsend. An unexpectedly needed addition to my life.