I posted about 5 months ago about my husband having created a profile on a dating website, saying that he did so to look for a surrogate for us (in the Ukraine, where he has been working for about a year).  Last October, we went through an intensive 3 day counseling session with the pastor who married us and my perception was that my husband received a slap on the wrist and I was basically told that he is just a man.  The pastor said that he didn't think that my husband had actually met anybody as a result of this behavior and that posting the profile wasn't cheating/infidelity so there were no Biblical grounds for divorce.  We decided to try to work on our marriage.  I have never believed the explanation about looking for a surrogate, but I was working on forgiving him and being able to trust him.  He returned to the Ukraine and we spoke daily on the telephone.  I tried to engage with him, but when I would ask how work was going or what he was doing he would say that he didn't want to talk about it because it was so stressful.  Because he does not speak the language, at that time he had a 24 year old, female translator who was with him every day at work.  One Sunday morning when I called to talk with him, I could tell that he was in the car.  I asked what he was doing and he said that he was driving this young woman to the airport (4 hours drive, one way) for a non-business related trip.  He said that she hadn't been able to find a ride and he offered to take her.  I felt that this was inappropriate, but decided not to say anything.  When he came home a few days before Christmas he had prepared a speech for me and told me that he had lost his commitment to me and to our marriage and that he had removed his wedding ring.  I was shocked, to say the least as I had been making the effort to work on our relationship and he, clearly, had not.  We had planned a big family gathering (my family) at our house for Christmas.  He asked if I wanted him to stay and, because I didn't want our family Christmas to be ruined, I said that he probably should.  Thankfully, there were a lot of people and it was fairly easy for the two of us to avoid each other, aside from having to sit next to each other for dinner.  I had already purchased his gift, as I had no idea that he was planning this speech.  His gifts to me were 2 items he had picked up at the airport, exactly the same things he had given to several of my family members. Our house was mid renovation and I had been staying elsewhere before he returned to town, so I decided to stay where I had been and he stayed at the house, where several of my family from out of town were also staying for a few days.  The morning after Christmas, he decided to tell my brother that I had asked him for a divorce, which was not true.  I was not present, but my sister was here and texted me what was going on.  He also said some other things about me that were also untrue.  My sister did what she could to defend me and, thankfully, my brother told him that there are 2 sides to everything and that, because he is my family, he would support me in whatever was happening.  My husband and I went to a divorce lawyer together a few days before he was returning to work in the Ukraine.  The day before he left he asked me if I was sure that I wanted a divorce (I had not been the one to announce that I had lost my commitment or taken off my ring) and I told him that I had not wanted a divorce to begin with.  We decided that we would try (again) and sat down to write out some "rules" for how we would proceed.  After he went back to the Ukraine, we spoke every day and things seemed to be improving.  One morning we had a very good, positive conversation and when we said goodbye I felt like there was hope for our marriage.  About 5 minutes later, I got a text message from him, but it was not intended for me.  It was a message that he meant to send to the 26 year old former translator (now traveling around Europe).  The message read, "As I was driving to work today I drove past the normal turnoff I used to take to fetch you.  I really missed that today. :( (Knowing I'd get to see you and your beautiful smile and warm peronality.  I missed you :("   At first I was confused and trying to figure out what he meant (because he has never had to pick me up from anywhere on a normal basis) until I finally made the connection that he didn't mean to send this to me.  I didn't know what to say so just said "What?" and his immediate response was that he had had too much wine and his phone was causing issues with auto-correct, that he was lonely and he missed me.  I responded that I didn't believe him and did not communicate with him for the rest of the day.  Overnight, he sent me a series of texts trying to explain.  He had tried calling but I did not answer.  He wrote that he had had a bad day and wasn't in a good place, he had had too much wine and wrote me a long message about how he missed the times before we were married when things were good and that he was hoping things could be like that again and that somehow when he tried to send it, it didn't send and then his phone overwrote that with this message to the ex-translator because he needed a friend.  We had just been talking on the phone 5 minutes before he sent it, if he needed a friend, then why didn't he keep talking to me?  So, he went on about how she was just a work friend and that he didn't tell me that he drove her to work every day because he knew that it would upset me and I would take it the wrong way.  After all of this, I told him that I was going to move forward with the divorce.  That same day I got a long email from him apologizing for a lot of things, the surrogate thing and not being committed to me and saying that he had been thinking about all of the good times and how he wanted to do those things and he thought it was worth us trying again.  I did think about it all for a long time but finally decided that I could not give him another chance.  He says he is going to a psychologist, but he has not admitted to the truth about the website or about the text and his "friendship" with the translator.  When I told him that I could not allow him to hurt me again then he asked repeatedly that I not file the divorce petition until we had talked and come up with a settlement proposal between us, so I asked him to send me his ideas for the settlement via email and then he said that he would have to talk to his lawyer first but kept asking me not to file, so I respected him and did not file.  He returned again a couple of weeks ago and stayed in the same house (there are 4 bedrooms).  I was waiting for us to talk when he announced one night that he was going to be going to see his lawyer the next day and if I wanted to ask for anything specific to let him know.  I told him that I thought we were going to talk and he just walked away and went to bed.  He was gone for several days, met with his lawyer twice and is having a settlement proposal drafted.  When he had arrived here he was wearing his wedding ring.  After he returned from meeting with his lawyer, the ring was gone.  Now he has returned again to the Ukraine.  I am just struggling, doubting myself and wondering if getting divorced is the right thing or if I should have given him yet another chance.  He says he is going to a psychologist, but I don't feel that he is dealing with the real issues and I don't feel that he will truly change.  I am seeing a therapist too, and he is pretty clear that he doesn't think I should try to work things out.  I am conflicted, I think because I don't want to give up and if I walk away now I feel like the 4 years of marriage have been wasted.  I am mad at myself for not seeing what kind of person he is before I married him.  I feel like there were signs that I missed and even early on in our marriage, he was not the person I thought he was, but I chalked it up to the fact that during the dating and "honeymoon" phase, people are putting on their best face and it was just an adjustment to being married and living with another person, but things just didn't get better.  I am just having a difficult time and would be happy to hear any advice or thoughts any of you may have.  Thanks!