I do not believe masturbation is not cheating in itself however what you're masturbating to can be. My boyfriend had been caught masturbating to webcam girls. That in my mind, is cheating. He can see them live and ask them to do things he wanted them to. He did stop doing that. A friend of mine, she caught her, now fiance, masturbating to girls on dating sites. That's cheating as he had a profile on them and they're "real" people. I think if you're just masturbating to free porn on the internet, it isn't cheating (in my opinion).

i think it is definitely something to talk to your girlfriend or significant other. I think you should be open with what you're doing because the worse thing is for her to find out and get upset that you're hiding it. It's ALWAYS best to be open and honest with your partner. My boyfriend hadn't been and right now we are dealing with him cheating. If he had been honest about the stuff he had been doing instead of hiding it, we probably would be in a better place about things.

anyways, those are my 2 cents and hope it's helpful to hear someone's opinion on the matter.

Cheating involves some kind of interaction with another of a marital intimate nature, whether physical and/or emotional. Masturbation of itself wouldn't fall into that category. Only if it were shared with someone other than your spouse.

Ideally you should be open enough about it to let your wife know about the fact that you're doing it, though she would probably assume you might do so anyway. Though some people have different views about the propriety of doing that.

But it is a private thing. As long as it is not negatively affecting the relationship by steeling intimate time away from her, it isn't something one would expect a person to come out of the closet about.

I think if you feel guilty, that's a sign of something.

I presume this is an internal conflict you are having? If it makes her or you feel better about it, don't think/use other women's images.

Think of it as eating a snack to tide you over until dinner.

I totally agree that it takes a level of intimacy with whatever medium I choose to masturbate to, to create infidelity in some ways. I've always been a very insecure and uncomfortable person with the outside world when it comes to myself. Masturbation has always been a sure fire way of releasing tension for me while at the same time wholly being in control of a situation.

With that being said I have always loved it and will always love it and I agree that if I am not open and honest with her, than there could be some form of underlying infidelity. Ive never been the guy to really know what to do when interacting with a spouse and her innate emotions towards sex. I've always been good at it and i'ma generous and pleasing lover but I'm also very heavily all about the way I like things and how I would like to execute situations. Sometimes she says I don't think of her and her wants as much as I should which I believed I was and now I'm wondering if that stems into my time alone without her pleasing myself and totally in control.

This is more of an honesty and sex life issue than infidelity. If your wife feels betrayed or that she's taken a back seat to your self pleasing then it's going to have to be dealt with.

Many people consider porn with masturbation (especially secretively) a form of cheating. Your wife may be ok with it. Especially if your sex drive is much higher than hers.

Your post confuses me a bit. On one hand you mention a man's physical need to ejaculate "every once in a while" yet then you say she gets plenty from you. If you're giving plenty to her, that would be more than every once in a while.

You may have sexual issues and might find me help on the page foe healthy sex lives.

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My STBX would view excessive porn amd had phone sex. He would spend hours viewing, engaging other women, and masturbating. You bet your ass he was cheating. A lot.

I am too a little confused now. You do first say you do it once in a while, but your second post makes it seem like you'r'e dong it all the time? Especially if your wife can tell something it taking away from the relationship your masturbation might be a problem. Sometimes masturbation can lead to other negative ideas and can lead to infidelity. At least that's what happened in my situation. My boyfriend would look at it occasionally, then turned into a lot more, then started viewing web cam girls and now recently tried to have sex with an escort.

If you're doing it once in a while and not very often it's fine, but I would still try talking to your wife about it. Being in a relationship is all about communication and maybe there are things you guys can talk about to add to your sex life so you don't have to turn to porn and can have sex more often with your wife. This would then maybe make her feel she is wanted more. There are always 2 sides to a story so if she is feeling like she is not getting enough of you, but you feel you are giving enough, then something is amiss.

I also read up on over-masturbation and if you are doing it a lot it might be something to look into or if you are doing it a lot, maybe you have a sex addiction problem.

http://www.herballove.com/guide/over-masturbation-symptom-and-solution-guide

Yeah, I think you're kind of being very careful how you describe this, or maybe leaving certain details out, to elicit the response you'd prefer to see. Masturbation in itself is not cheating. In fact, it can be part of the intimacy you share with each your partner. It's the circumstances surrounding the act that would make it cheating, dysfunctional, etc.

Sorry for the confusion guys, i'm not the best at describing situations when they involve myself.

It does make sense that this could be more of a healthy sex or even a sex addiction issue more so than infidelity. I didn't think of it like that before but it seems like my masturbating may be a trigger of having a higher sex drive than hers. I tend to masturbate a few times a week, maybe 2-4 times a week but find that ill get a quick urge to pleasure myself every so often and have trouble telling myself no which could be a problem with addiction. I give my girl sex as often as she likes which is about 3 or 4 times a week which isn't always enough for me.
Im starting to see what could be the real issue here and what could be done to change things. I'm not sure if my girl would be accepting of me watching porn and I'm not sure if she aggress with masturbation as she wants to be what turns me on.

There is another factor that comes into play and that is the fact that her cousin recently just ended a little stint doing online porn and as I have viewed and watched her cousin's porn, my girl has pointed out how weird it is that her cousin was in porn. I see her cousin all the time at family functions and I always have the thought of her naked in the back of my mind. While I would never cheat it still weirds me out a little bit. I'm not one for cheating and don't believe in it so i'm trying to avoid any of it at all costs. Her cousin is getting married and pregnant so I don't have to worry there but it just shows that there are mental tendencies although I say that it is just the guy in me that thinks these things. Im nervous about talking to her about it as i'm not sure how she will react to all this but if I am in a relationship with her than I should be comfortable in doing so. She is a sweetheart and i'm sure she will understand.

Anyone else out there with any issues involving having impure thoughts about other people and having "mental" affairs or pleasing themselves to that degree? I'm nervous that this will spring into something bigger than it is and will come down on me hard and cost me my girl.

Personally I think I'm just over thinking the whole situation but I always love outside views from other people on different subject matters.

Um, watching your wife's cousin doing porn while you are... you know? And you see her at events?

That's really inappropriate, Bro.

First off, I'm sorry I'm confused again, but you said your wife feels like she's not getting enough of you in the relationship (or something along those lines) Is it maybe something else that's bothering her? Do you guys go out and do things? 3-4 times a week is a pretty good amount of sex, especially for a girl i would say. If she or you want more, you need to discuss it.

I honestly cannot tell you enough you need to talk to your wife about why she feels she is not getting enough of you in the relationship. And if she knows you've seen her cousin in porn, what does she think you do while watching it? She must know you masturbate. I don't think any girl honestly thinks their SO does not do it. But this is something you should talk to her about especially if it is causing problems for yourself (doing it too much, watching her cousin, having mental "affairs" on your wife, etc) and for your wife. I'll say it again, but my boyfriend started out with occasional porn, then web cam, then meeting up with an escort. So yes it can escalate. Yes you can develop mental or even real affairs with these people that do this as a "living". One of the webcam girls even got him to buy her sex outfits.

I also think you need to stop watching your wife's cousin's porn if you haven't already. It's not right and shouldn't have happened/should've already ended by now.

But honestly the best thing is if there is a problem, talk about it with your SO. My boyfriend never did it enough and it has lead to infidelity. If you're both having sex or in a relationship you're both mature enough to talk to each other. Hiding or letting things build up only make things worse.

Sorry if my words are getting construed. It I said I was the one not getting enough hence why I masturbate and I see her cousin at family functions and get together like we are in the same room together. That's what I meant.... Misunderstandings al around sorry.

3-4 times a week is not enough and you don't acknowledge that what you did involving the cousin is wrong?

Yep. You're a "sex addict." (If there is such a thing.)

You need to get into therapy.

Yeah I figured I might have a problem.

Watching the cousin in porn is not something I'm happy I have done and I don't do it any longer and I'm just trying to prevent anything from happening outside of my current relationship.

3-4 times a week seems like it should be enough sex, like that's average but I'm not really sure either. I would prefer at least twice that so that's why I believe I have a higher sex drive than my partner and that's why I masturbate to compensate.