Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
This overwhelming sadness and worthlessness just takes over and I can feel my heart pounding everywhere in my body. So, my husband and I have been together for the last 8 years. We've been married for almost 5. We got married right out of high-school. He's really the only person I've ever loved. I lost my virginity to him. We have a beautiful little boy together, and have been actively trying for another child. My husband lost his father in 2018, shortly after losing his father i went to visit him. At work on his lunch break. This girl was hanging out, outside his car waiting for him to come out. She seen me and she walked away quickly. I confronted him about it, he told me I was crazy and they were just friends. A whole group of them hang out.. whatever his excuse was... shortly after I found text messages on his phone between him and the same coworker- calling her beautiful and exchanging naked pictures. Sneaking off in the middle of the night to go to the gym. He swears nothing happened other than the exchange of pictures. He said it was exciting, he wasnt attracted to her, she means nothing to him and she lost a parent too so she knew what it was like. This destroyed me. I haven't been the same since. He begged for forgiveness, begged for me to stay. Told me it was a mistake. A moment of weakness. He loves me. He needs me. I stayed. I tried to get through it. I cannot trust a word that comes out of his mouth. I check his phone constantly. His Facebook. Anything and everything. I cannot help myself. I need that reassurance that nothing is there. And, there wasn't. Until yesterday. He downloaded snapchat. He said it was just for his friends.. then Added some random girls. Were talking to them. Deleted the chat so I couldn't see.. So I assume the worst. Now I feel like I'm back to two years ago when it all first happened. I just want to die. I've devoted my entire life to him. I have no friends. I've made every second about our little family. I feel so broken. He claims that I'm out of line and it was nothing like that. He would never hurt me again. He feels awful for what he did. He says I can 100% react this way since he caused my pain.
I don't know how to deal with this pain. I've been bottling everything in for so long its just torture. I'm so sad and broken. I don't want to break our family up. I love him more than anything. I don't want to be alone. I don't know what to do. I feel like I have no one. No friends no one to talk to. Nothing.
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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Cheaters lie. That's the problem. They tell you what they think you want to hear, then they go off and cheat again.
You two got together very young, at age 15. Sometimes, people grow up and grow apart and he may be wondering 'what else is out there that he missed out on'. Which of course is WRONG. But, sometimes this happens with young couples.
Tell him - "Okay, if you are truly sorry, then we will go to couples counseling together. " Then make the appointment for the two of you.
Try counseling. Let us know how that goes. We're here for you. Good luck.
You should seek professional help for yourself.
Its not his age, or you got married too young, or he has changed or you have changed,
He is choosing to cheat and knows that you will not leave him, you will not hold your ground, you will not respect yourself enough to demand rigorous honesty.
It means you not looking, hunting, searching, requesting or even demanding information about his affairs or cheating.
If you go looking for something you will find it, why go looking for something that is not about US, that only causes more pain never closure or validation.
Stop focusing on him, stop thinking you can change him, stop being the parent to him, stop being the boss to him, stop attempting to control the situation.
Nothing you will or can do will stop him from cheating, in fact every action about it, toward it and against it, will give it value, meaning and appeal to him.
You have to stop today, stop and love yourself, you are a loving creature of Gods design. you have great passion and love, now turn that love and self respect on the person that needs it the most -- YOU!!!
Focus on your healthy, focus on your values, focus on your morals. focus your goals on life.
Take time out to love yourself to heal from your pain of this. Reflect on what you want in life for yourself.
Any attention you give his actions against you are precious moments you takeaway love for yourself. You cant stop people from drinking, smoking, speeding, so why attempt to control him?
If he truly wants to stop he will do it on his on, and it will have nothing to do with you, just like his cheating has nothing to do with you.
You deserve love, care and support, so start giving yourself these things, live a truly happy spiritual life and be a blessing to yourself.
I pray you are safe and healthy.
Fast forward to today. Our marriage looks different. He has no privacy. Neither do I. We do not have “Friends” of the opposite sex.
We are better today as a couple than we were prior to 6 years ago. I KNOW ITS HARD TO BELIEVE.
Things I have Learned:
1. Never say “I forgive you” unless you are willing to never bring up any indiscretions.
2. Always out the cheater! If you hid it it will happen again. Do not hide it! I told him to leave unless he told his family what he did! I blasted the other persons social media also.. (if he leaves it would have anyway. This just takes care of the inevitable)
3. Marriage builders website helped us!
4. I told him if he didn’t read the book.. how to help your spouse heal from your affair-Linda MacDonald , we would not discuss anything anymore. (He could move to his families house.)
It’s okay to give ultimatums. But you have to mean it. Once you say it there is no backing down!
You can get through this. But you can walk away and nobody would blame you. If they did they are the problem.
Please keep us posted and let us know how you are doing. We are here for you. Stay safe. God bless.
I hope that whatever happens that you eventually find some peace and are able to heal.
You are worth so much more than what he has done to you. There is this podcast that has helped me. My fiancé listened to it as well. It describes my feelings better than i can. It’s called “helping couples heal”
I also recommend couples therapy. It can only help.
Sending prayers to you. Take care of yourself. We are all here for you.
You have to make some decisions. You say you can’t trust your husband and trust is a vital thing in a marriage. It is important that you think about what is best for yourself, your son and your husband. Even in the long run. You may need help in working through these decisions so perhaps contact a counselor if you haven't already. Your husband is going to have to take responsibility for his life, actions and behavior. You can’t do this for him. He has a lot to lose but he may not be aware of it right now. I am praying for you. Feel free to let me know how you are doing and what is happening. “God bless you, your son and your husband. Father, hold this family in Your hand and bless them. Amen”
Second, focus on taking care of yourself by getting counseling so you can focus on your son, who is in the middle of all this.
Third, I know you feel alone because you have been alone for a very long time. You have not felt loved, and you have felt lied to and disrespected. You must admit to yourself and come to grips with the fact you are alone and you can learn to negotiate that and be at peace with it, with counseling and support.
Fourth, every single excuse he is giving you is textbook cheating. He is gaslighting you. Google that term and educate yourself. And he has moved to the next step, which is shaming and blaming you...for his cheating!
And lastly, stop spending your precious energy and time trying to catch the cheater. I guarantee he is still cheating or planning to cheat. They usually do not change. I, too, asked my BF to read the Linda McDonald book, after I had read it, and I am sure he never picked it up. Hint one: he did not plan to change. Tragically, he is now dead from Covid and I found out some months ago he was still seeing at least one of the druggie whores, after he swore for a whole year he had not seen her, and they died within 10 days of each other, from Covid and/or a drug overdose. Remove yourself from the sordidness of cheating and go on with your life by focusing on what you know is moral and good. Hugs and take care!
Women know even before we find out especially when it has happened before and we feel it in every nerve in our body and the emotions you describe. Don't let him convince you otherwise.
And now I'm going to give you some unorthodox advice. You should start talking to other men. . At the very least you should download snapchat and start talking with other men. From personal experience I have learned cheaters cant handle when their significant other starts doing the same. Let him see what it's like and he will either be OK with it or stop doing what he is doing. It will allow you to see you are not alone and worthless. I know in my own situation with a serial cheater he counted on my isolation and he thought he would cheat while I'd be faithful. It is really twisted how much a cheater takes that for granted. I finally started talking with other men and tbh met a good one. Unfortunately it didn't have a fair chance to develop further but it brought me back to trying to see myself as loveable again. I think you are a good person and a great woman to this man. You are still young and can get that family situation you desire. Don't give up on that dream it just might not be with this man.
There is no meaning in remaining devoted and loyal to someone who is not reciprocating and you deserve way better.