He is stalling, and for a reason, could that reason be he sees no future with you?

He has cheated on his wife, qualifying him, believe it or not, as a cheater, is a known cheater to you someone whom you really wish to start a loving relationship with?

And I would resist the temptation to call yourself terrible, after all it is he who is doing the cheating and, not you.

I would never have entered into the relationship if I had known he was still living with her. It is all so more complicated than my abbreviated version!! We had a relationship 25 years ago and split for all the wrong reasons! He came looking for me and found me and said how he had never stoped thinking of me and I had changed him forever. He didn't know how I would react or that we would pick up as though we had seen each other last week. He never thought things would move as fast as they have and he is just not quite in the position to leave her! Well that is what he tells me and I believe him.... I have to!! Why would he come steam rollering back into my life and turn it upside down if he was not genuine?! Or is that just a woman's perspective? Am I bring naive.... stupid..... both!? I am a die hard romantic and am I just letting that cloud my judgement? I don't trust my own instinct anymore. I go from one extreme to the other!! I do know that I love him with all my heart but I am not cut out to be "the other woman"!!

"Why would he come steam rollering back into my life and turn it upside down if he was not genuine?! Or is that just a woman's perspective?" That's a question best asked of him.

"Am I bring naive.... stupid..... both!?" Feeling love for someone isn't stupid, so I would advise you to stop labeling yourself as such, do you label yourself stupid in any other way/s?

"I am a die hard romantic and am I just letting that cloud my judgement?" Maybe, but even if so then that be a good thing.

"I don't trust my own instinct anymore. I go from one extreme to the other!!" You should never stop trusting your instincts, even though they fluctuate they will never steer you wrong in the current moment.

"I do know that I love him with all my heart but I am not cut out to be "the other woman"!!" Now you are thinking logically, or according to your instincts.

Personally I would never feel comfortable being in a relationship with someone whom I know is a cheater, cheaters invariably blame someone else instead of themselves for the reason why THEY are.

You can go with your heart if he allows you to, but be prepared for the consequences whatever they may be.

He has shown you his true self. He maintains honesty, integrity, loyalty, and respect ONLY when he feels it is in his best interest. Do not fall into the trap of believing the feelings outweigh these characteristics. What will happen the first time he is frustrated, hurt, angry, or just simply bored with you? He will justify similar actions to those he has already displayed. Do not be the next woman betrayed by him. If he says he has changed, do not believe him. The words do not speak as loudly as his actions. Be careful and do not continue to fool yourself.

My ex was and will always be a cheater. The ?s to ask yourself is how many times has he done this. How many women has he lied to and about.

The ex cheated on his first wife, he cheated many times while we were married. He's cheated on his new wife and he told her he was single.

What this man is doing to his wife he will do to you.

Well said, idonmakeherhapyenuf and trisha9054. Please listen to them. Married people who stray cant stop. Its like an addiction. Who cant get enough of extra free sex and/or attention?? These people are likely to be narcisstic who don't love anyone other then himself. If he wants to leave, he already did. All men want another chick to fuck. If you are willing, y not? That's how they think. I was seduced into a relationship with one who kept acting like he wanted to be part of my good life. he got bored after 3 months, and suddenly convinced himself that it was all wrong. That's all fine if its true. But he treated me like trash and decided to take "revenge" on me before announcing the breakup. He used to wait for me for hours just to catch sight of me and tell me how much he missed me, now he would ask me out and make ME wait for hours without answering the phone. And when we meet,
he would just shrugged it off with zero explanation. I cant believe I allowed him to do this to me another few more times! I kept finding excuses for him when he was just stringing me along to see how little crumples I'm willing to take. He finally ended the relationship by whinning to his wife like a baby when i slapped him the last time he stood me up, his wife had to call me up to break up with him!

You have a lot of history with this man. If he wanted to be with you, he would be. At the very least he would have filed for divorce.

My H strung his affair partner along for y e a r s. Once I discovered his A, I told him many times that if she made him happier than I did, he should leave and go to her. He never left.

You can continue with things the way they are and waste more of your life in a fun but dead end
relationship. You can move on to someone who is actually available. Or you could tell his wife to speed things along. The choice is yours.

I am not innocent either. I had many affairs during my marriage because I was unhappy. Maybe we deserve each Other!? I think I could be faithful to him if we end up together. One further complication when we had our affair 25 years ago we were both married and we have a 24 year old son together that nobody knows is ours other than the 2 of us! We have not decided if we will tell him and that is a whole separate issue!! I was already getting divorced when he contacted me and so I am not cheating anymore. Taking all this into account do you view the relationship differently? Is he more likely to leave his wife? He says he is trying to get himself into a position to leave her.

My husband had an affair for 2 years before he left. He left five days before the OW gave birth to his baby. He knew about the baby for seven months but left five days before it came and he said he left because he didn't know how to explain being away for the birth. He only saw her a couple times a week (in the mornings before work) and I asked him how she put up with that. I know this is a fact because he didn't act like a normal cheater. He was home every night and on weekends and was fully engaged with his family when he was here. He left for work early on Mondays and Wednesday which I just thought made him an amazingly hard worker! LOL! I asked him how did she let him just come to her a couple times a week and then come back to his family and sleep in bed with me every night? He said she wasn't happy about it and kept pushing him to leave but he kept putting her off and telling her he would leave in one more month. But it never happened. He is now living with her and the baby and he has essentially lost his "other family". She wins the cheater prize after all that time. If I would have known at any point over the last two years about what he was doing she would have won the prize way sooner. I don't do cheaters PERIOD no matter what the reason.

I am only telling you this so you will see the other perspective. I don't have a lot of hope for you in a relationship where he keeps needing more time to leave. Why? If he never got over you and wants to be with you he should do it now! Why does he get to have his family and you on the side? Good luck to you!!

So many good things already said. He won't leave his wife unless she finds out and kicks him out. If he wanted you as a real partner instead of his sex partner he would have left her already. Sorry he just wants both benefits the stability of his marriage and the exciting forbidden thing with you. If he would leave her and your relationship is not "secret anymore he's likely getting bored fast. Sorry nothing negative about you that's just him. Also look up just for fun the percentage of relationships that started as an affair that actually lasted long term. I believe it's 2 percent or something. Sorry to say but he's totally playing you he's not gonna leave his wife unless she finds out and kicks him out but tgats not how you would want him. Good luck to you you can do better than him

Hi themiddle. U r so cool. My ex was actually the same typical family man who never stay out. But he dated almost all the women at work. Thing is his wife knew about it but chose to ignore and she sneered at me when I told her what he did.

hopeless-I am not at all cool. I am heartbroken and devastated that my husband of 26 years turns out to not be the person I thought he was. My family has been blown up and so many people hurt by it. No one saw this coming. I came home from watching fireworks with friends on July 4th and my husband had left completely out of the blue. He texted me to tell me he would call me the next day. He called and told me his story....he had been having an affair for two years and the OW was pregnant. To say I was shocked was an understatement! We never fought, got along great and had a perfectly happy family. He has not been back although we have been in communication via phone and text. Most of his possessions are still here. He is living with her and the baby and has started a completely new life. Everyday I wake up and think this was one huge joke! I am starting to miss him less and less and I am looking forward to the future with the help of friends. My life will never be the same but that doesn't mean I can't be happy!

Good luck to you....I am glad your ex is your ex. Sounds like a jerk!

Crap!! He is one greedy fucking actor! He is cheating women on both sides!! I'm really sorry to hear your story, middle. We women are tricked, betrayed and hurt one other because of our love for these coward and irresponsible men! I wish I had been clear minded and stood strong against his temptations. Too-late, please stop making the mistake to hurt another woman. For the benefit of you as well as the wife, let the dickhead make his own decision, otherwise he may regret and blame it on one of you even on his deathbed! We've all been crazily in love and we think we can throw dignity out of the window. But u must have a further perspective. This is when we need to think objectively like those men. Less emotion!
Middle, it may seem that u'd lost many years, but tell yourself this: from now on, we gain each day for ourselves better than ever. From now on, we are both darkness and light, for we experienced clarity no others can fathom. Accept the pain and the light from the fire they set upon us. We should be grateful that we are no longer living in the lies of others. Getting through the denial and grieve stages are tough but brighter days are ahead as long as they are out of our lives!

Thank you for all your personal experiences. Men!! Can't live without them.... can't live with them!! Why do they think they can treat us like this? Why do we let them? I know what you are all saying, but surely I have to give him a chance for the sake of our son? Even if we never tell him......

Please correct me if I'm wrong but I thought u said ur son is 24! Please don't use ur adult son as an excuse to give a "cheater" a chance. If u want to be with this guy fine that's ur choice no problem no judgement but if ur son doesn't even know that guy is his dad for the past 24 years (which is a whole other issue) he's not gonna run in his arms and call him dad now I assume. Please at no point im judging you but you seem to look for excuses to be with this guy while you seem to know he's wrong for you. I understand ur head over heels. But if you read all comments above again this man is playing you. You're his fun distraction. You as the mistress are helping to unwreck his wife's life and their kids life once this comes out and it will sooner or later. although if it wasn't you he would have found another women to be his mistress. Be honest to urself at the very least please give him an ultimatum don't let him play you like we all seem to think he's doing right now. Wish you the best stay strong you are better than this