You need to do three things right away:

1. get tested for STDs
2. take your newborn daughter and go to your mother's
3. file for divorce

For two years your H has been lying and cheating and is still lying and cheating. I would not want him anywhere near my child. I would not want him anywhere near me!

I know this isn't what you thought your life would be, but you are a mother now and you must make the best choice you can for your daughter and for yourself.

I agree with StormPetrel, and also, how do you know it "started 2 years ago"? That's just when you found out. He could have been doing this for 10 years.

I went through something similar - the whole, sorry and crying ONLY when they got caught. Where was his sorry and crying while he was doing this without your knowledge.

And the fact that he kept doing it. I have been there, also. Why are you putting up with this? How do you know there aren't other couples, other people, men, women..... it is most likely not "just" this one couple (and that would be bad enough).

Now that you have a child, you really need to think of your child first. I know this is hard for you, but you did nothing wrong, and you know that this is not the kind of life you want to have for the next 50 years.... and unfortunately you're going to have to end this marriage, based on what you have said about him and his continued actions. He is not in a marriage, he is being single.

Now that you got your “orders” from bitter BS’s.. I will offer some advice from a former CS. I’ve seen ALOT of marriages that supposedly, there has been no infidelity at all. And yet the marriage is a total sham. They stay together for whatever reason and hate each other. You indicate some positive things in yours. Consider that humans make mistakes. Also consider that there are MANY marriages that are not carried out “by the book” Talk to your husband. Then talk to yourself. It maybe that you end it with him, but maybe not.

You need to do what makes you healthy,
You need to respect yourself first.
There are 13.7 million single moms in the US.
Are you living the life you want?
People lie, he will always lie.
Men cheat for sex, daily if possible, men love their ego stroked and its easy when its sex daily. Most likely he will never stop.

You have to focus on yourself, be the best you can be, what are your goals?

We have a great marriage besides this infidelity.. I appreciate the advice but i'm not asking if I should leave him or not, i'm not there yet. You all imply that leaving is the best option for my daughter however statistically speaking, she's better off with 2 loving parents in the same home. He's a great dad and partner, works hard and loves us both. There's no doubt in my mind about that.. it's hard for anyone to fully understand bc no one knows him like me.. I just wanted to know if anyone has lived with this out in the open.. if they've succeeded in separating feelings of "life should be this way" and the reality of what is..? I know it might sound ridiculous to you guys... I just need someone to talk to, maybe someone who has gone through something similar? I don't want to talk to my family or friends about this.

So you are willing to put up with this - fine. It's your call.

I suggest the two of you talk with a marriage counselor so you can discuss this with a trained professional.

I guess my thoughts for you would be:

1: How do you know he's not been with any other women when he's lying and cheating.....

2: Its hard to be a "great dad" when your a liar and a cheat...those aren't great things to pass on to a child...and children do tend to learn by example a great deal.

3. Its hard to be a "great partner" when your not an honest partner. If he's lying about having sex with people, what else is he lying about?

4. If he's having sex with a couple...is he having sex with the man and are you okay with that?

5. How do you know what medical issues they have, i.e. diseases, illnesses, etc. that could be passed on to you and your baby....are you okay with not being safe in your sexual life and marriage? Not keeping your baby safe?

6. When you give him his free pass to cheat, do you really believe he won't feed his ego by pushing the boundaries and finding other woman to have sex with...I mean your giving him permission, right?

When you consider being married to a man who you let cheat on you, there are a lot of things to consider. I stayed married to a man who liked to cheat for 25 years, was with him for 27 years, always thought he was a "great dad" and my family was worth more than my personal sacrifice, was also raised to not believe in Divorce unless, well life and death and all that jazz. Is he a "great dad" not so much now that my sons are men and I see the things I taught them as more positive influence than the crap they saw their father do. Did his behavior tarnish their relationship, ummm....oh hell yeah and I don't "talk down or berate" my ex to my sons, never played that game, he gives them plenty of ammunition just by being the type of man he is.

You can fool yourself into thinking that this is the "only" people he'll "cheat" on you with and it's okay, or that this is the "only thing he lies to you about" and it's okay.....but when you wake up one day down the road and realize which one of you has been the fool and which one has pretty much gotten away with everything he wanted.....well, that's not a fun day of realization, I can tell you that.

Oh and I'm not "bitter" or whatever, I left 10 years ago, perfectly happy from that day ever since. He's remarried, not so happy, but c'est la vie, actions bring consequences.

Hi. CS here (Cheating Spouse, if you haven’t learned the acronyms).

As you have seen, infidelity can bring out the most excruciating emotions in the betrayed. The journey is individual and specific to your situation, so remember to take the feelings of others with a grain of salt.

Open marriages do exist and I’ve seen them work. I’ve witnessed stable households with unconventional ‘rules’. To answer you, yes it’s possible. The critical component is TRANSPARENCY. Your H probably feels shame. He likely feels guilt too. If you’re considering opening the marriage, definitely have that conversation and tell him he cannot lie. Ever. He would officially have no reason to. If you don’t think you can do an open marriage, that needs to be a conversation too.

You do need to decide what you’re willing to tolerate; and don’t compromise on your happiness. Also. Remember that every marriage has its own set of rules - it’s YOUR marriage.

I would like to think I’m mother and wife of the freakin’ year (I kind of am). But I’ve also done things that defy the social convention of marriage. I have no doubt your H is a good person with his family. My exAP (affair partner) is seriously an amazing family man. I know how insane that sounds. How can someone be a great family man and cheat on his wife? He also has 0 intention of abandoning his family; and the same goes for me, and likely your H. Not everything is black and white. Set your own rules and decide what you’re comfortable with.

Thank you everyone. Really. Thank you

You want to talk to us that have gone through it, but you dont want to hear what we have to say. you want us to say stick it out and it will be ok, guess what, its not the reality of the situation. he wont stop and im sure there are many others. cheaters are only sorry when they get caught. Now that he knows you will let him get away with it, guess what. There will be many more. the statistics of 2 parents are for happily married couples that runs over into the child. Children raised in home with parents like you guys, husband cheating all the time and wife allowing it. That's a form of abuse, and your daughter will grow up thinking this is all ok. Sorry to be blunt, but a good mother would get her daughter out of that situation.