Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Long story short. After 6 months of husband (of 32 years) being away off and on, (chose to leave as depressed with our life together) one interval when I joined him to try to set up a new life (lasted 10 days due to job falling through), last month with him on his own and was to return for us to move elsewhere and start over. Situation at present location is bad for both of us....we need to leave.....I thought together......now he is going on his own.
Some days he says he wants to recapture the joy we had. Others he needs to be on his own to straighten himself out and we should separate or divorce. I know of his past on line indiscretions.....he has stopped it for the last month and a half, got rid of old cell phone, says doesn't want to do that anymore.
Here's the crunch....job he is fighting with himself about whether to go or not ....very lucrative.....was hired by a woman he met and flirted with. I advised him to write her and say we were still together and trying to work on things so there would be no" what I know she had planned." He wrote it, I read it.....not sent. Now says he has to tell her personally and he's a big boy and can say "no" to her if he wants to.
I of course am going insane. Maybe there already.
He said he would contact me "on our anniversary" or come get me then, or maybe he won't come at all.
I see this for what it is and know I have no control over what he does.
What does one do to survive this on a moment to moment basis?
I can't get it into my head that I need to give up. Well, yes I can....but why can I not let go and have some self respect?
He is leaving in 2 days and all I can focus on is my total destruction when he does.
I can't even truly hope for any hope, as when he is gone I fear he will forget all about me and us and embrace his new life.
Thoughts on this please. How do I go on breathing?
(Sorry if this should be in the "Ask for advise" section.....I thought to change it to there but don't know how.
Some days he says he wants to recapture the joy we had. Others he needs to be on his own to straighten himself out and we should separate or divorce. I know of his past on line indiscretions.....he has stopped it for the last month and a half, got rid of old cell phone, says doesn't want to do that anymore.
Here's the crunch....job he is fighting with himself about whether to go or not ....very lucrative.....was hired by a woman he met and flirted with. I advised him to write her and say we were still together and trying to work on things so there would be no" what I know she had planned." He wrote it, I read it.....not sent. Now says he has to tell her personally and he's a big boy and can say "no" to her if he wants to.
I of course am going insane. Maybe there already.
He said he would contact me "on our anniversary" or come get me then, or maybe he won't come at all.
I see this for what it is and know I have no control over what he does.
What does one do to survive this on a moment to moment basis?
I can't get it into my head that I need to give up. Well, yes I can....but why can I not let go and have some self respect?
He is leaving in 2 days and all I can focus on is my total destruction when he does.
I can't even truly hope for any hope, as when he is gone I fear he will forget all about me and us and embrace his new life.
Thoughts on this please. How do I go on breathing?
(Sorry if this should be in the "Ask for advise" section.....I thought to change it to there but don't know how.
I did the 180 and was also able to convey my feelings.
It's all falling apart around me. Since that "conversation" he's been very "snappy" and cold towards me. And...he said "you and I really need to work on our communication". How easy is that going to be when he's gone??????? I didn't bother answering him.
I am so tired of having to be on here posting to survive this.(Without you all I wouldn't still be here) I'm so tired of the lies. I'm so tired of the disrespect and disregard for my feelings. I shouldn't have loved him through all the rough spots in our marriage. I've wasted all my adult life loving him, and for what? To be old and used up and alone. Self pity?? You bet. I've made it all possible and I can't turn it around. I wish I would have respected myself a long time ago.
So now I'll just finish my cry and self pity party, wash my face and try to sleep for a couple of hours before I wake up and face another endless day acting like I'm strong and in control of myself. It's what we do right?
Sorry folks... I'm lonely, it's late, I've had a tough day of it, and I'm just so tired of it all. Tomorrow will be better.
Just to have one last hurrah, I'd like creative suggestions as to how I let him know I'm aware of his new membership. It seems far too everyday to just confront him with it. I want it to knock his head off!!
C'mon folks.....any suggestions so that I can have one last moment of feeling in control before he leaves. (I had mentioned before finding this new info. I'd need to take time off work after he left due to the severity of the situation making it very difficult for me to work in public since everyone here knows him as the greatest guy and asks me about him daily. He looked shocked and asked "well how will you support yourself???)
Well at least he can save money on getting a new cell phone...no need to erase anybody anymore, he can just add a new list!!)
How did my H who loved me beyond anything turn into this?
My love and support for 32 years meant nothing, and I can't reclaim that time. I will be 60 soon, alone, financially stressed and bitter.
No one thinks they will end up this way.
My ex left 5 years ago. I tried to hold on. He also left saying he was getting his thoughts together and finding himself. He went back and forth for a month on whether to stay with me or go to her. I look back now and wish I had kicked him to the curb and not allowed him to play me any longer. He used me until he could set himself up financially to be with her.
Talk to a lawyer and a good counselor. They will be your lifeline right now. You have to find it within yourself to make it. Just take one minute at a time. It's ashame that people like this don't think about the hurt they cause. Remember, it's not you, it's him!
Hugs!
So when he tries to keep his foot int he door, tell him you're done with the games and are filing for separation (better if you do this first too for legal reasons, especially since you have cause). He needs to know that moving out means the ties are severed and he doesn't have a safety net anymore.